


"Just Breathe" (Revised Version)

by DizzyBlackRaven



Series: Just Breathe [2]
Category: Mass Effect AU - Fandom, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Fanatical Religion, M/M, Mass Effect AU, Mental Health Issues, Mild Sexual Content, Mildly Dubious Consent, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Past Child Abuse, Underage Drinking, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 58,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzyBlackRaven/pseuds/DizzyBlackRaven
Summary: **THIS IS A MASS EFFECT AU STORY**This is the new and improved version of "Just Breathe" with an added chapter. This version is more in-line with the prequel "When Blue Meets Green". I decided to post this version separately, instead of editing the existing one, just in case someone likes the old version better.A story about a messed up teen and the people that love him. A story of great sadness, anger, pain, love, loss, and finally hope.*There is some sexual content, but nothing too explicit.*
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard, Male Shepard/ Original Male Character
Series: Just Breathe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648417
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Busted at Church

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Just Breathe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15348612) by [DizzyBlackRaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzyBlackRaven/pseuds/DizzyBlackRaven). 



"Wake up! Come on, man. Wake your lazy-ass up!" Shepard demanded with a grin and all the energy being a teenager allowed. "Wake up, Aaron! It's getting late, and I need your gear. So, get your lazy-ass up."

Aaron Hayes rolled onto his side and looked at the boy through half-lidded eyes, unable to stop a smile at the sight before him — sixteen-year-old John D. Shepard, standing in front of the large bedroom window, stark naked and still managing to look like an angel as the first rays of morning light formed a halo around him.

To say that John Shepard was genetically gifted was an understatement. Standing nearly 6'2", with a very lean and well-muscled body — with broad shoulders, a narrow waist, and perfectly sculpted long legs — he cut quite the figure for a sixteen-year-old boy. With intense sapphire-blue eyes, dark-blonde hair, straight nose, full pouty lips, and chiselled features, he looked to be nothing short of perfection.

Yep, definitely an 'angel-come-to-earth'… But as Aaron knew all too well, the angel could be a devil when he wanted. And right now, he wanted to be a very playful little devil. 

And Aaron loved every minute of it!

"Seriously! You're waking me up this early just so you can go play hockey?" Aaron groaned as he buried his face into his pillow, trying to hide his grin.

Shepard walked over to the bed and crawled up behind the older man, leaving a trail of butterfly-kisses up Aaron's shoulder, stopping to kiss his neck.

"You promised I could borrow your gear, remember?" Shepard pouted as he bit the skin of Aaron's neck. "And after last night, you owe me."

Aaron smiled a little, moaning at the thought of the night before. "Okay, okay… You win, just give me ten minutes. Be a good boy and go make some coffee for me." He teased as he slapped Shepard hard on the ass.

"Fuck you, man! You're only 19," The younger boy said with a pout as he moved toward the kitchen.

"I'll be 20 on my birthday!" Aaron informed the young blonde loudly as he made his way to the washroom. 

"Oh, so, you'll be 20. That makes you a big man, eh?" Shepard teased from the kitchen as he began to make coffee.

**~~~☆~~~**

Aaron finished his shower quickly, then quietly made his way to the kitchen. The green-eyed man couldn't help but grin at the sight before him — there stood Shepard, still naked as the day he was born, checking the coffee machine while moving his head to the music pouring out through the stereo. It was a beautiful sight.

"Really, J?" Aaron asked, grinning like a madman.

"What?" Shepard asked, his blue eyes shining innocently.

"Boy, you are the devil, you know that." He said as he walked towards the unabashed teen, placing his hands around the boy's narrow waist. "You're still naked! I swear you do it just to tease me." Aaron growled as he began kissing Shepard's neck slowly.

"Nah, I just like being naked. I figure I got a decent enough body," Shepard replied with a shrug and fox-like grin.

"Understatement of the century…" Aaron proclaimed with an amused laugh.

"You're not so bad yourself, you know," Shepard whispered in a low sexy tone, giving him a wink and a smile.

Aaron just shook his head at the thought. Sure, he was fit, but to compare himself to Shepard — that was just insane. 

Aaron stood 5'11" and had a muscular body, but nowhere near the level of Shepard. Shepard was much more toned, and his shoulders were broader. Aaron had the ghost of a six-pack, but not fully sculpted. He was paler than Shepard and had black hair, cropped short, but long on top, and a pair of incredibly beautiful light-green eyes. 

Aaron had several piercings, whereas Shepard had none. Shepard had many tattoos. Aaron had none. They complimented each other well, Aaron thought. And while Aaron thought of himself as attractive, he was no John D. Shepard.

Aaron hugged Shepard tight and gave him one last kiss on the neck as he let go to retrieve two coffee mugs, one for himself and one for Shepard. 

"You know I **love** seeing you naked and all, but can you please get dressed? If my girlfriend comes over and sees you naked like this, she's gonna give me shit for it."

"If she sees **me** here, naked or not, you're screwed anyway. So, what does it matter if I'm naked?" Shepard snorted back, a little harsher than he should have.

"You're not jealous of her, are you, J?" Aaron teased with a little laugh.

"Of Elise? Hell, no! Why would I be jealous of a brainless, generic-looking, bitch-blonde with blue eyes and fake tits? I mean, come on, she's a walking stereotype. You could do **so** much better," Shepard replied in a disgusted voice.

"I can do better, huh?" Aaron grinned. "I doubt that. All the guys think she's hot."

Shepard rolled his eyes. "They wouldn't think that if you told them the truth about her."

"And what truth would that be?" Aaron inquired, obviously amused by the conversation.

"Well, for starters, she's a fucking moron. She's so goddamn mean to everybody. She treats you like shit — like she owns you or something," Shepard continued, becoming more and more flustered as he went, "Oh, and didn't you say she sucked in bed? I had to show you what good head felt like, for fuck's sake. Shall I continue?"

Aaron laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "Well, she does suck in bed, but everyone does when I compare them to you."

Shepard shook his head, a frown plastered on his beautiful face. "Whatever, man. It's your life. Does she even know your bi-sexual?"

Aaron laughed. "J, I'm **not** bi-sexual. I've told you this a thousand times."

Shepard sighed heavily, speaking very slowly as if trying to make Aaron understand, "Aaron… **I– AM– NOT– A– GIRL.** You fuck me, and I'm a **GUY**. I'm pretty sure that **makes** you **BI**."

Aaron's grin grew even bigger. "Nope. I'm not attracted to any other guys — never have been, never will be. I'm only attracted to your sweet ass, J. I'm Shepard-sexual."

"Really, Aaron?" Shepard couldn't help but grin. "Shepard-sexual?"

"Yep, J. There's just something about you, yeah. You are fucking irresistible!" Aaron reinforced his point by grabbing Shepard's ass and kissing him deeply.

"Yeah, right." Shepard grinned, rolling his eyes.

"Besides, you know how my family is, especially my mom." Aaron's entire demeanour changed as he spoke, becoming serious and a bit sad. "She'd kill me, J."

"Yeah, I know. I get it, Aaron. I really do," Shepard whispered as Aaron kissed him gently.

Aaron put his forehead against Shepard's and spoke softly, "J — if I could be with you, I would. I swear I would, but there's just no way."

Shepard saw the sadness in his friend's pale-green eyes and decided to try to lighten the mood. "Who said I wanted to be with you like that, you lazy-ass!?" Shepard kissed Aaron lightly on the nose. "I'm too good for you, anyway." Shepard teased, jokingly.

"On that, we can agree," Aaron replied in a sombre tone. "Now… go get dressed before Elise gets here. I'll get my hockey gear ready for you."

"Yeah, yeah…" Shepard said, rolling his eyes as he made his way to the bedroom to collect his things.

**~~~☆~~~**

By the time Shepard made it back to the living room, Elise was already there with her tongue down Aaron's throat.

Shepard wanted to puke but settled for rolling his eyes in disgust as he cleared his throat loudly.

" _Eh-hm—_ "

Elise snarled at the sight of him. "What is **he** doing here?"

Aaron winced at the tone of her voice. "He just came over to borrow my hockey gear. That's all, right, J?"

Shepard was tempted to tell her the truth, but the sad, desperate look that Aaron had shot him, made him think better of it. He could never bring himself to hurt Aaron, not even if it was for his own good. 

"Yep. I was just borrowing some gear. No big deal," He replied with a lopsided grin.

"Why don't you just buy your own, faggot," Elise spat in a disgusted voice. 

Shepard's eyes turned dark as he immediately began flexing his jaw, tightening his fists in anger. He really hated that word. He began to breathe hard from his nose, and that became Aaron's cue to try to defuse the situation.

"Elise, c'mon, don't call him that, okay. He's my friend, yeah." Aaron pleaded. "So, be cool, eh."

"Why shouldn't I call him that? It's what he is, isn't it?" Elise spat in Shepard's direction. "You are too damn nice, Aaron. Taking in trash like that just because you feel sorry for it is so stupid. You don't need to be friends with it just because no one else wants it."

Shepard moved closer until he was towering over the tiny blonde, bursting with unchecked rage — on the verge of losing control. Aaron quickly jumped between them.

"Elise! Stop! Please, just calm down. He's leaving. Right, J?" Aaron said as he looked to Shepard, pale-green eyes pleading.

Shepard slowly loosed his fist. "Yeah… I was just leaving," Shepard said with a snarl as he passed by Elsie.

Aaron grabbed his gear and walked Shepard to the door.

"I'm sorry about that, J." Aaron apologized, unable to meet Shepard's intense blue eyes. "She can be a bitch, I know."

"Don't worry about it," Shepard assured him in a low tone, adjusting his backpack in nervous habit. "It's not your fault. She's right anyway. I **am** a faggot. I just hate that fuckin' word, you know."

Aaron sighed, eyes shifting to the side. "Yeah, I know. I hate it, too. Just bring the gear back whenever, eh." Aaron said, giving him a sad smile.

"Yeah, sure." Shepard grinned, trying to leave on a lighter note. "I should go before the bitch has a conniption fit."

Aaron chuckled lightly. "Yeah, I guess you should. Here…" Aaron said as he let his fingers brush against Shepard's gently before handing the bag off to the blue-eyed angel, or was he a devil — Aaron could never decide. "Later, J."

"Later, Aaron." Shepard winked as he made his way out of the apartment.

God, Shepard really hated Elise. That bitch made him feel sick every time he saw her. Thankfully, he only had to deal with her on rare occasions. He and Aaron were always cautious when hooking-up, making sure she was busy with something, or better yet, out of town.

Shepard knew he should feel guilty for sleeping with Aaron, but he just couldn't. It wasn't like he was cheating on anyone. He was single, and all that cheating shit was on Aaron, not him. Simple.

**~~~☆~~~**

_'What a fuckin' cunt! Am I right? I mean, seriously.'_

For as long as Shepard could remember, he had always had a voice in his head. He knew it wasn't normal, but for Shepard, it had always been a part of him — sometimes helping, other times, taunting and teasing. Today was no different — the voice was there in full-force, an annoying sound to break the silence.

_'What a way to start the day, Shepard,'_ the voice teased as he made his way to the nearest ice rink. _'You should have knocked that bitch out. You know you wanted to.'_

Shepard shook his head hard from side to side, trying his best to shut the voice down. "Shut the fuck up!" Shepard said aloud to himself as he made his way further down the street.

When Shepard arrived at the ice rink, he stood for several minutes just staring blankly at the sign on the door: **_'Closed for the day. Sorry for the inconvenience.'_ **

Shepard's jaw flexed as the anger began to rise up within him. He really needed this one day of peace, just this one day.

" **WHAT** **THE FUCK!?** " He screamed from the top of his lungs, causing an echo to resonate throughout the neighbourhood. "I needed this so goddamn bad… and you're closed! **CLOSED!** " Shepard rubbed his face and ran a hand through his dark-blonde hair. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly out his nose. "It's not even a holiday for fuck's sake."

Shepard thought about the situation for a while. Should he leave, make the long trip across town to another ice rink? Or, should he just return the gear to Aaron, and risk dealing with the wrath of that bitch, Elise? 

_'Or — and hear me out — you could just go to the back door, pop the lock, and skate until your little heart's content.'_

Shepard had to admit that this was, by far, his favourite option. He knew he could get into a lot of trouble for breaking and entering, but it was so damn tempting.

_'Do it! Break that lock! Don't be a little bitch, you know you want to…'_ The voice roared in his head, urging him on, begging him to do whatever he wanted. Damn the consequences.

"Fuck it! I need this," Shepard said as he made his way to the back door. He looked around to make sure there were no witnesses before popping the lock. "Child's play," Shepard said with a grin. 

_'That's my boy!'_

**~~~☆~~~**

Once he was inside, he quickly changed into Aaron's hockey gear. It never fit quite right. Shepard was taller, broader, and leaner than Aaron — making the gear tight in some places and baggy in others. But beggars can't be choosers, and Shepard was happy just to have **something** to skate in.

The skates fit well, though — a gift from their best friend, Ryan Walker. The skates were one of Ryan's older pairs, but Shepard didn’t mind. They worked just fine for what he needed them for. 

There was no way a homeless kid like him was going to afford gear of his own. Hockey was an expensive ass sport, at least for Shepard it was. So, he was grateful to Aaron and Ryan for the gift.

**~~~☆~~~**

Once he was on the ice, Shepard's sapphire eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas. Shepard didn't like hockey; he fucking **loved** hockey! Being on the ice calmed him more than anything else in his life — well, anything except for Aaron. 

It gave the blue-eyed teen a reprieve from all the anger and rage held inside him — giving the young blonde a brief sense of serenity. And for that small moment of peace, Shepard would give anything.

It might have just been Shepard alone on the ice, skating and shooting pucks, but it was heaven for him nonetheless. At least he could imagine there were other players on the ice when he practised his footwork, remembering and copying the moves he had seen the pros do during the games he'd seen on TV. It was better than nothing.

Street hockey just wasn't the same. He needed to feel the ice under his feet, needed to hear the sound of the blades cutting through the ice. This was Shepard's sanctuary. This was his church. 

It was pure-bliss for about an hour, then his peace was shattered by a startling sound — 

"Stop what you're doing and put your hands on your head. Then turn around slowly."

Shepard immediately froze, dropped the hockey stick, and placed his hands atop his head in submission. "Fuck," Shepard whispered as he slowly turned around on the ice. "Morning, officer."

The policeman squinted his eyes and sighed heavily at the boy. "Shepard? Shepard, is that you? What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Uh… Skating," Shepard replied, shooting the officer a sideways grin.

The policeman pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. "I see that. I meant, why are you here?"

"Well, Officer Osoba… May I call you Officer Osoba?" Shepard asked, trying to be as charming as possible.

Officer Osoba sighed and rolled his eyes at the blue-eyed teen. "Whatever, Shepard. Just answer the damn question!"

"Touchy… Alright, alright," Shepard said in his best mock-hurt tone. "Well, I, uh… I wanted to practise hockey, and it was closed. So, you know, I figured I'd just…"

"Break in," Officer Osoba finished the sentence for him, unable to hide his amusement. "Why didn't you just wait until they reopened?"

"I wanted to skate today… And I wasn't bothering anyone, and I wasn't stealing anything, I swear." Shepard tried desperately to explain himself, hoping Officer Osoba would let him go with a warning. 

_'You know you're fucked. When has this prick ever cut you any slack?'_ The voice was beginning to annoy Shepard now. Deep down, Shepard knew the voice was right — Osoba never cut corners, he just wasn't the type. He was as 'by-the-book' as it got. He was always nice about it, though. The officer definitely wasn't a prick.

"You know the drill. Get off the ice, get changed, and get ready to go to the precinct." He ordered the teen with a gentle smile. "Don't worry, you'll probably get off easy, especially since no real harm was done."

Shepard did as he was told. All the while, the voice in his head teased him mercilessly. _'You are such a fuck up! You fucked up bad this time, Shepard. Welcome to the goddamn system again! You're gonna end up miserable. All because you wanted to play hockey. I swear, if we weren't a part of the same person, I'd fucking end you! You have got to be the dumbest motherfucker on planet Earth. No wonder your mother didn't want you.'_

"Shut up," Shepard whispered, clenching his jaw, trying to contain the flood of emotion hidden deep within him.

"You say something, kid?" Officer Osoba asked as he led Shepard out to the police cruiser.

"No, nothing," Shepard answered quietly.

The teen resigned himself to his fate as he entered the back of the police cruiser, letting his thoughts wander as they travelled.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard had avoided foster care for a little over a year now. The last family he was placed with had major issues. His foster mother had tried to have sex with him repeatedly, and when he refused, she told her husband that Shepard had made unwanted advances towards her. Shepard had tried to tell his foster father that he was gay, and had absolutely no interest in women, but it hadn't helped anything. 

The man just laughed and punched Shepard hard in the stomach before attempting to expose himself to the young blonde. Shepard warned him that if he even thought of exposing himself, he'd bite it off. 

Once the man realized the young blue-eyed teen meant business, he decided to beat the blonde instead. He had beaten Shepard pretty badly, leaving the teen in a cold, dark alleyway with some minor head trauma, a dislocated shoulder, and some busted ribs. It had been a bad beating, but it was better than getting molested, and for that, Shepard was grateful. 

The beating was a turning point in Shepard's young life. It was then that the young blonde finally decided to bug out of the foster system. Things had gotten better for the blue-eyed teen since then. 

Shepard always did better on his own anyway. And, in all honesty, he preferred being a homeless street rat to being a foster kid. All of his dealings with foster parents had ended in disaster. He couldn't even remember one good experience within a foster home. And while Shepard was certain there were good foster parents out there, he was doubly certain that he would never be placed with any of them.

"Can I call Anderson?" Shepard asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Constable Anderson is out of town. So, no, you can't call him." Officer Osoba answered in a friendly, sympathetic tone. "I'm sorry."

"You think I'll go to jail?" Shepard asked quietly, a hint of nervousness apparent in his young voice.

Officer Osoba's eyes went up to the rear-view, catching sight of Shepard's worried young face. "Nah, you'll most likely be placed into a group home until they find a suitable foster family for you." Officer Osoba smiled at the teen, trying to give reassurance as best he could. "This might be good for you. No more living on the streets, struggling to survive. You'll have a real bed, and people that care about you." 

"Uh-huh," Shepard said in a skeptical tone.

Officer Osoba sighed heavily, giving up on trying to sugarcoat the situation, "It'll be hard, but it'll get better in time."

_'That man is a naive moron!'_ The voice huffed, angry about the whole ugly mess.

Shepard just nodded, pressing his head against the cold glass of the window — staring out at the dirty streets of DTES. The one person who could help him wasn't there, and that thought terrified him. 'What am I going to do now?'

Constable David Edward Anderson, standing at 6'3'', was a strong Black man with broad shoulders, even broader than Shepard's, and intense brown eyes that could become gentle in seconds — putting Shepard at ease with a look or a warm smile. The man was everything Shepard imagined a good father to be — strong, gentle but firm, and understanding. The man was so goddamn understanding. He never once judged Shepard; not once did Anderson make Shepard feel stupid. He always told Shepard he was bright, and that he could do anything he set his mind to. And sometimes, Shepard believed him. 

They had met two years ago when Shepard got busted for drugs during a horrific incident — an incident that ended with the hospitalization of the young blonde. Anderson often visited the young teen during his hospital stay, and it was then that he decided to become an advocate for the lost teen. Going to great lengths to assist the injured teen, Anderson had somehow managed to get the charges against the boy dismissed, with Shepard doing a stint in rehab as a stipulation. 

Since then, he had always been there for Shepard. Whenever Shepard was in need of anything, whether it be food, clothing, shelter, or just advice in general, Anderson was always there with a helping hand and stern fatherly advice — never wanting or expecting anything in return. He made Shepard feel wanted. He was like a father to Shepard or how he imagined a father to be, anyway. Besides Aaron, Ryan, and Jack, Anderson was the only other true friend Shepard had ever had, and he was a damn good one.

_'If he could see you now, kid… He'd be so disappointed. You're such a fucking waste of space. I wouldn't be surprised if he washes his hands of you all together.'_ The voice was taunting and cruel.

'Don't say that! Please, don't say that! I need Anderson.' Shepard begged silently, pleading with the voice, trying desperately to get it to leave him be.

_'Aw… does the truth scare you? Poor baby. Hahahaha…'_

Shepard shook his head hard and clenched his eyes shut against the voice. Shepard **really** didn't want to go to jail.

The young blonde sighed to himself as the voice continued to taunt him. _'It's your fault, dumbass… You're the one that got caught — time to deal with the consequences. You goddamn moron.'_

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Meet the Tylers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard meets his new foster parents, and boy are they weird. Will Shepard be able to live with all of their insane rules?

As it turned out, Officer Osoba had been correct in his assumption. Shepard was not arrested. In fact, he was placed into a group home almost immediately. He was to remain there until a suitable foster family could be found for him, just as Officer Osoba had predicted.

Shepard hated this particular group-home. He had been here before, and he knew it was full of vultures, waiting patiently to pick your bones clean of everything, pride included. It was by far the worst one in the entire city.

No matter how hard he tried, Shepard could never feel safe or comfortable here. He knew from experience that if you turned your back or let your guard down even for a second, it could spell the end for you. Some of these kids would kill for the shoes on your feet or the jacket on your back. And some, some just liked to fight.

Shepard never feared a one-on-one fight. Hell, he liked to fight. No, he fucking **LOVED** to fight. Unfortunately, the fights here were rarely ever one-on-one. It was usually a gang of three or more on one helpless, unsuspecting victim — hardly a fair fight when someone clocks you in the back of the head while you're dealing with the piece of trash in front of you.

Some kids just wanted to rob you blind. Those kids weren't violent, not really. Most just waited for their mark to go to sleep, then take whatever they could get. On occasion, a few of them would use force, but not very often.

Shepard didn't have anything worth stealing, not really. All he had was an old digital watch, a busted-ass smartphone with a cracked screen that Aaron had given him, and an old MP3 player Shepard had bought for himself when he was just fourteen. The only thing the blue-eyed teen had worth protecting was Aaron's hockey gear — that was probably worth something.

"I guess I'll have to watch my back." Shepard sighed as he picked out an unused bed to crash in. "Hopefully, I'll get the chance to bug out before long."

Tired from the day's events, Shepard flopped down onto the small bed and hugged Aaron's hockey bag close to him — hoping it wouldn't get stolen in the night.

**~~~☆~~~**

A week passed, and Shepard decided it was time to bug out. He collected his things and made his way to the door when he was stopped dead in his tracks by the sight of his social worker, Daniel, something — Shepard could never remember the man's last name.

_'I told you to leave last night! Why don't you ever do as you're told!?'_ The voice was livid with him.

"Shit!" Shepard cursed as he put his head down, hoping he wouldn’t be noticed.

_'That's not going to work. You're a big fucker for your age. He's going to know it's you.'_ The voice reprimanded.

"Shut up…" Shepard whispered under his breath as he made his way to the door, trying to act casual.

"Shepard? Shepard, I know it's you!" Daniel called out as Shepard's shoulders slumped in defeat. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Nowhere, apparently." Shepard sighed.

Daniel placed his hand on Shepard's shoulder with a grin. "Nice try, kid, but I'm here to get you."

"Why?" Shepard asked, brows furrowing in disappointment.

"You've been placed, so I'm here to take you to the child services building." Daniel smiled, "Isn't it exciting?"

_'Go eat a dick…'_ The voice growled, causing Shepard to snicker.

"See. I knew you'd be excited." Daniel said, patting the blue-eyed boy on the shoulder.

"I'm all atingle…" Shepard deadpanned as Daniel led him out of the building and to his car.

**~~~☆~~~**

"They're extremely nice people," Daniel explained with a smile, "They're really looking forward to meeting you."

"Seems a bit quick, doesn't it?" Shepard asked, cynical about the whole thing.

"Well, Constable Anderson asked that you be made a priority for placement." Daniel's tone was lighthearted and friendly. "He must really like you."

Shepard shrugged his shoulders, "I guess so."

_'He doesn't like you enough, it seems. Seriously, where was he a week ago? And if he cares so damn much, why didn't he take you in himself? He's a fucking fake.'_ The voice inside Shepard's head was relentless, hell-bent on destroying all of Shepard's calm.

'Don't say that about Anderson… I mean seriously, would you want me?'

The voice broke out into hysterical laughter. _'You got me there, Johnny-boy!'_

Shepard rolled his eyes, "I hate that fucking name!"

"What name?" Daniel asked, confused by Shepard's outburst.

"What?" Shepard asked, not realizing he had spoken aloud.

"You just said, I hate that name. Don't you remember?" Daniel asked as concern began to well-up inside the young social worker.

_'Brilliant, dumbass! You are going to get us locked up in the looney-bin — **AGAIN!** ' _

Shepard frowned as he tried to think of what to say. "Just… just don’t mind me, I was talking to myself."

"O-okay. That's fine. We all do it from time-to-time," Daniel assured him.

_'You're lucky he's so stupid. So, what do you think these ones will be like? Are they going to be the violent type, no, wait — the religious type? That's always fun for you, right, gay-boy? Or, and this one is the best, 'cause it always freaks you out the worst — perverts! You always get the pervs. I swear you'd think they'd scan these people better. Seriously, you should be scarred for life. You'll probably end up hearing voices and shit. Oh, wait! Hahahaha. That's hilarious! Am I right!?'_ The voice was teasing him mercilessly, causing awful memories to come rushing in.

"Shut up… Shut up…" Shepard's whispered words became louder and louder until— 

" **SHUT UP!** " Shepard's voice was deafening inside the car, causing Daniel to swerve the car slightly in shock.

"A-are you okay?" Daniel asked nervously. "I mean, I-I didn't say anything, so I can't shut up."

Shepard twitched nervously, his knee bouncing uncontrollably. "Sorry. I, uh, I fell asleep. It must have been a dream," he lied, knowing Daniel knew better, "I'm okay now. Sorry about that."

Daniel looked in the rear-view, taking note of the nervous aura surrounding the teen. "It's quite alright," Daniel said with an uneasy smile. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Shepard assured him as he began to play with his phone. "How much time will I have when we get there… You know, before I have to leave with them and stuff?"

"Hmm… I'm not entirely sure," Daniel explained, "Probably about an hour or so. Maybe more, maybe less. It depends, really. Why do you ask?"

"Can I call my friend and have him meet me there? I have his hockey gear, and I need to return it." Shepard asked quietly.

"Sure, I don't see the harm." Daniel smiled, hoping that talking to his friend would calm Shepard down. "Go ahead and call."

"Thanks," Shepard said in appreciation, a smile breaking out across his handsome young face as he dialed Aaron's number.

After the third ring, Aaron answered, voice cloudy with sleep. "Yeah?"

"Aaron, did I wake you, baby? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Why are you still in bed, lazy-ass?" Shepard teased — his voice barely a whisper.

"J! J, where the hell have you been!? You had me worried sick, baby." Aaron scolded, the cloud of sleep quickly leaving him as he spoke. "You get in trouble or something?"

"Hello to you too, Aaron, and yeah, I got into a little trouble. Nothing too serious. I'm back in the system, though. I'm on my way to the CS building to meet my new fosters."

"Shit, J, why didn't you just bug out?" Aaron asked with disappointment in his voice.

"I was going to, but I kinda got caught at the door. You know my luck." Shepard's smile quickly turned to a frown. "It's just the way it goes, I guess. Anyway, can you come down to the CS building? I have your hockey gear, and I need to return it."

"Jeez, J. Fuck the gear, man! What the fuck are you gonna do?" Shepard could hear the worry in Aaron's voice.

"I'll be fine, Aaron. I always am." Shepard chuckled a little, trying to ease his friend's mind. "Can you meet me there?"

"I don't know, J. They probably won't even let me in," Aaron replied, sounding unsure.

"Please, Aaron…" Shepard's voice was a melancholic whisper. "I really want to see you, eh."

There was a heavy sigh over the phone, and Shepard clenched his eyes to keep the tears at bay. 'Aaron's not gonna come.' 

_'Why would he? He doesn't want you unless you're naked in front of him.'_

"Please, Aaron," Shepard pleaded one last time, his voice cracking just a bit.

"Sure, J," Aaron whispered, causing Shepard's heart to jump. "I'll be there."

"Promise?" Shepard whispered, his fear showing through as he spoke.

"I promise, J. I'll be there." Aaron’s voice was calm and clear, just like Shepard was used to. "Anything for you, baby. See you soon, yeah."

Before Shepard could say goodbye, Aaron ended the call. 

_'He hung up on you… He lied, he's not coming. Get used to being alone, gay-boy…'_

'Why are you so goddamn pissy lately? What the hell did I do to piss you off?' Shepard asked silently. 'I'm sorry, okay. So, please just leave me the fuck alone for a while!'

Shepard hit the side of his head a few times, trying to make sure the voice would stop. When it finally went silent, the boy placed his head against the cold glass of the window, his sapphire eyes shining with unshed tears as he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He closed his eyes. "Please, be there…"

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard was in the child services lobby for about twenty minutes when he heard a tap on the large glass window to his right. Shepard's frown turned into a wide grin when he saw, none-other-than, Aaron Hayes peeking in, and motioning for him to come outside.

Shepard immediately got up to make his way outside when he was grabbed firmly, but gently, by the shoulder.

"Whoa, now," Daniel said with a chuckle. "I can't allow you to leave the building unsupervised. I'll have to accompany you. Is that alright with you?"

Shepard's stomach dropped in disappointment. "Um… well, I kinda wanted to talk to Aaron privately, you know."

Daniel laughed warmly at the teen. "No way. You are the biggest flight-risk I know. You avoided foster care for nearly a year. Don't worry. I'll just go through my phone or something. I won't eavesdrop on you and your friend, I promise. You won't even know I'm there."

_'Aw… No alone time for you and your imaginary boyfriend. Poor little baby.'_

Shepard shook his head slowly.

Daniel's smile faded as he misinterpreted Shepard's gesture. "It sucks, I know, but rules are rules. I'm sorry. And I really do promise not to listen to your conversation." 

"No, it's fine. Really, it is," Shepard assured him, brow still furrowed. "I'm just getting a headache, that's all."

"Do you need an aspirin or anything?" Daniel asked, genuinely concerned about the blue-eyed boy.

"Nah, I'll be okay." Shepard shrugged as they walked out the door.

The moment Shepard stepped out the door, Aaron grabbed him and pulled him into a big bear-hug. "J! You look good, baby! Come on, let’s go! The car's right there. We can be outta here before those morons even notice."

Daniel cleared his throat loudly. "Um, excuse me, but this 'moron' can't allow that." 

Aaron jumped when he heard the older man speak, turning bright red in embarrassment. "Oh, I didn't see you there."

"Obviously," Daniel replied, shifting his eyes to the side. "Shepard, you have five minutes."

Shepard grinned at Aaron as he spoke, "Yeah, okay. Five minutes…"

"Well, J, I tried," Aaron whispered, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"Don't worry about it." Shepard assured him, "I'll be fine. I hear the new fosters are a dream." Shepard said sarcastically.

"If they aren't, just call me, J. I'll do… something." Aaron promised, worry evident in his pale-green eyes. "Don’t let them hurt you. You hear me, baby?"

"Shh… I know. Like I said, I'll be fine." Shepard whispered. "Here…" Shepard said as he held the hockey bag out towards Aaron.

"Oh, my gear." Aaron smiled a sad smile. "You sure you don't wanna keep it?"

Shepard shook his head slightly. "Nope, I'll just borrow it when I need it… If that's okay with you, I mean."

Aaron's smile brightened, "Hell yeah, it is! I'll keep it ready for you, yeah."

"Sounds good. I'll call you when I get settled." Shepard's piercing blue eyes shifted to the side in an attempt to avoid Aaron's gaze.

"Yeah, you better call." Aaron caught the shift and could tell his J was uneasy. "You okay, J? I mean, really okay?"

"I-I'm fine, really," Shepard replied with a smile that Aaron knew was a fake.

"J, Talk to m—" Aaron was cut off mid-sentence by Shepard's social worker.

Daniel cleared his throat again. "Shepard, we should go back in. It's almost time."

Putting his left index finger up as he spoke, Shepard replied, "One sec, please…"

Aaron leaned forward and hugged Shepard one last time. "Remember to breathe, J. And don't worry so much. They're gonna adore you, baby. I know I do…" Aaron's words were just a whisper in his ear, but to Shepard, they were the loudest words he had ever heard.

"I-I know…" Shepard said as he hugged the older man back. "Thanks, Aaron, for everything."

Aaron surprised him by kissing his cheek. It was just a peck, but Aaron hardly ever did that in public. 

"Later, J!" Aaron practically yelled as he made his way back to his car, parked just across the street. "You better call me! I mean it, J! I will hunt you down if you don't!"

"Yes, sir!" Shepard yelled back with a mock salute.

"You could have kissed him, you know." Daniel teased as they watched Aaron drive away.

Shepard just rolled his bright blue eyes and blushed furiously at the words, mumbling something under his breath that sounded like 'fuck you' or 'fuck off' — Daniel wasn't sure which.

Daniel laughed and placed his hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Ready to go in now?"

Shepard just nodded and headed towards the door.

**~~~☆~~~**

It was another thirty minutes before Shepard's new foster parents arrived, then another fifteen for them to sign all the necessary paperwork needed for the official placement. From what Shepard had glanced, he thought they looked nice enough. They were both middle-aged, most likely in their mid-fifties, and most likely middle-class. Nothing strange about the way they looked, but Shepard knew from experience that looks could be deceiving. 

'So far, so good.' Shepard thought.

_'They are definitely hiding something,'_ The voice warned.

'Please don’t start…'

_'What? I'm just telling you the truth. You know I'm right. You feel it, don't you?'_

Shepard shook his head and sighed in defeat. The voice wasn't going to shut up any time soon. He just had to accept it and deal with it.

Shepard's social worker, Daniel began the introductions, "Mr. and Mrs. Tyler, this is John Shepard. Shepard, this is Mr. and Mrs. Tyler."

Shepard shook their hands, noticing the excessive force of the grip Mr. Tyler had used, the blue-eyed teen greeted them with a nod. "Nice to meet you, sir. Ma'am."

"Such manners." The woman smiled as she spoke. "And such beautiful blue eyes."

The teen blushed slightly at the compliment. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're a tall one, aren't you boy," the man stated in a deep voice.

Shepard noticed that he was just a bit taller than the man in front of him, maybe by about two inches or so. "Yes, sir."

An awkward silence fell upon them. Each of them uncertain of what to say. After a while, the woman mercifully spoke— 

"I'm Coleen, and this is my husband, Ray," the lady replied, pointing to herself, then to the man beside her.

"But you can call us Mr. and Mrs. Tyler for now," The man added with a cold, stern look.

"Yes, sir," Shepard replied in a low voice, "Mr. Tyler, sir."

"Are you ready to go, boy?" Ray asked, his voice already grating on Shepard's nerves.

"Yes, sir," Shepard answered as he picked up his backpack.

"Hon, where are the rest of your things?" Coleen asked, a sad, confused look on her face.

"This is all I have, ma'am," Shepard replied.

"Oh, I see. Well, then I guess we should get going." Coleen smiled as she shook Daniel's hand. "Thank you for your assistance. We'll take good care of him."

"You are very welcome. I'm sure he'll be very happy with you," Daniel said as he looked towards the blue-eyed teen, "You be good."

Shepard just nodded as he followed the couple out.

**~~~☆~~~**

The drive to the Tyler house was long, and Shepard was already getting a bad vibe from the couple — the long silence, driving him insane. His eyes were sharp as he studied the couple, looking for signs in behaviour, for something that would tell him more about them. Looking for anything that might explain the strange feeling he had.

The woman was pretty for her age, short — standing around 5'3", with long curly red hair and big hazel eyes. 'She's Irish. I bet.' She dressed very conservatively, wearing a long, ankle-length floral dress with clunky, black wedge heeled shoes — a throwback from the 40s. 'A prude for sure.' The only jewelry she wore was a golden cross around her neck and a simple gold band on her wedding finger. 'She must be religious. A Christian, for sure. I hope she's not fanatical about it.'

The man was heavy-set, thick, but not fat — a wall of muscle. From his worn face, he must have been an extremely hard worker. His hair was dark-brown with wisps of grey throughout. He had a beard that he kept well-trimmed, the colour matching his hair down to the grey wisps throughout. His eyes were hazel as well, though they were darker than his wife's, more unsettling. His eyes had a cold look to them, a look that Shepard already disliked. 'He's violent. I see it in his eyes. He likes control over all things. He's quick to anger. A dangerous man,' Shepard mused, 'Religious? Probably not, not really anyway. He probably hides behind religion, wearing a pious mask to assure that those around him believe him to be a good man when he's anything but. Something is very wrong there — something empty.'

_'You'd know all about violence, wouldn't ya!? You_ **_LOVE_ ** _to fight. It excites and arouses you. Admit it! You_ **_ARE_ ** _him…'_

'I am **NOTHING** like him! I don't hurt people for fun. I don't try to dominate them, just for the power. It's not the same!' Shepard argued silently with the voice.

_'Whatever helps you sleep at night…'_ The voice teased.

'Shut up! You don't have any right to–' Shepard was startled from his thoughts by the voice of his new foster mother.

"Huh? Did you say something, ma'am?" Shepard asked as he snapped back into reality.

"God almighty, we've taken in a retard." Shepard could hear his foster father whisper under his breath.

_'Hahahaha. He's got you there!'_

'I swear to god if you don't shut the fuck up!'

_'You'll do what? Kill me? Can't do that without killing yourself too. That's the beauty of being **ME**!' _

Shepard just shook his head and tried to focus on his foster mother's words.

"I said, how are you doing back there, hon?" Coleen asked sweetly, a smile on her face.

"I'm fine, ma'am. Thanks," Shepard answered, returning a small smile.

"We're here," Ray announced in a harsh voice.

**~~~☆~~~**

Once inside the house, things went from strange to downright fucking weird— 

"Okay, boy. This house has rules that **MUST** be obeyed at all times." Ray spoke with a tone that demanded Shepard's attention. 

_'Control freak…'_

'You think…'

"Failure to adhere to these rules will result in heavy punishment. Am I understood?" Ray's tone demanded a swift response.

"Yes, sir," Shepard answered, his voice low and steady.

"I said, **AM** **I** **UNDERSTOO** **D**!?" Shepard's foster father yelled, startling the teen, blue eyes going wide.

"Yes sir," Shepard answered loudly, hoping that it wasn't too loud.

"Very good," the man said with a satisfied grin. "The first thing you need to know is that we are devout Christians in this household. And we will not tolerate sacrilegious behaviour or any form of blasphemy in this house. Am I understood?"

_'Well, you're fucked aren't ya! He's gonna beat the ever-loving hell outta you.'_

"Yes, sir. I understand," Shepard answered, feeling sick to his stomach.

"Coleen will tell you the rules of the house and give you your new schedule." Ray continued, "You are to adhere to that schedule without fail. Am I understood?"

"Yes, sir," Shepard replied as Ray walked away, retreating further into the house.

"Okay, hon. The rules are really simple. I'm sure you'll have no problem with them. You seem like such a good boy," Coleen said, smiling brightly at Shepard, "When we're done, I'll show you around the house, and you can get settled."

_'Rules, bah… I fuckin' hate rules. And I_ **_KNOW_ ** _you fuckin' hate them…'_

'It's their house. Their house, their rules.'

_'Whatever…'_

Shepard just nodded and listened as Coleen went through the absurd list of rules, each one stranger than the one before him— 

The first few were normal enough, to be expected, even. They were basically the same for every home he had ever been in. The usual— " **No** **sex** , **drugs, or alcohol** — **EVER** , **no exceptio** **n** **s** ," Coleen grinned. "Oh, and **no** **masturbating** , it's a sin."

_'Is this bitch for real? No masturbation? With your sex drive, not fucking likely. Yeah, you are murdering that rule, and murdering it often — repeat offender status.'_

Shepard couldn't help but grin at the voice's words. It did manage to amuse him sometimes. "I understand."

"The next rule is, **no** **using your phone or the house phone** — **no** **exception** **s**. Ray doesn't like that. It's only there for emergencies only," Coleen explained.

"Okay, so unless it's an emergency, no phone." Shepard nodded.

"Oh, no, hon. **No** **phone** **EVER**. If there's an emergency, then an adult will handle it. No need to worry." Coleen winked.

"Okay, but what if both of you are hurt or unconscious?" Shepard asked, confused by the rule.

"Oh, hon. The chances of that happening are slim-to-none. Don't worry. Just remember, **NO PHONE**. You can keep the one you have, but do not use it in the house, or it will be taken away. Understand," Coleen asked, rubbing Shepard's back slowly.

"Okay, I understand. I won't use the phone." 

_'That was goddamn weird…'_

'Agreed.'

" **No listening to music** **in the** **hous** **e** , not even your little music player," Coleen said, pointing at the tiny MP3 player in Shepard's hand. "You can keep it, of course, but do not use it in the house. If you do, it will be taken away, the same as the phone. You can listen to it outside the house if you wish."

"Okay. No music. Understood."

_"Yeah, right. You need music to function. Hell, you can't even sleep at night without some sort of music playing.'_

'I'll just listen while they’re asleep.'

_'That's my boy! Fuck their rules!'_ Shepard tried hard not to roll his eyes. 

"The next rule is **NO TV**. You aren't allowed to watch television while you are in this house. It's the devil's tool when in the hands of children," Coleen explained, as Shepard looked around, trying to find an actual television.

"Ma'am, not to be rude, but there isn't a television, so why the rule?" Shepard asked, utterly confused.

Coleen laughed, bright and bubbly, "Oh, hon! Ray and I have a TV in our bedroom. We use it to watch the news and weather. Just remember, no sneaking in to watch."

'Well, that sucks…'

_'Aw… Pretty-boy's gonna miss all the hockey games this season. You could always sneak in and watch.'_

'Hell no! I am **NEVER** setting foot in their goddamn bedroom! Gross…'

_'Having flashbacks, Shepard. But I get it. Point taken.'_

"The next rule is, **no** **compute** **r**. You are not to use a computer unless it's for your studies. Even then, I will accompany you to the library to make certain that you do not use it for anything other than school-work. No social media, and no surfing the web — school-work only," Coleen explained.

_'Well, this one isn't so bad… Do you even know how to use a computer?'_

'Of course, I know how to use a computer! I just don't own one.'

"Not a problem, ma'am," Shepard assured the woman.

"Almost done, only three left," Coleen informed him with a smile. 

_'Thank fuck!'_

'Seriously…'

"The next rules are very important. Ray believes that waste is a sin, that is why we put these rules into place," Coleen explained. **"You are not allowed to eat anything unless you are told to. No snacking, no ordering takeout, nothing. No exceptions."**

_'What the actual fuck!'_

"What if I pay for my own food?" Shepard asked, looking for a compromise.

Coleen smiled gently at the young teen. "No, hon. No exceptions. You won't starve. You'll be fed adequately. We don't waste food in this house."

'How is it going to waste if I'm eating it?' Shepard asked himself in irritation.

_'Okay, this might be a problem. You're a big fucker, and it takes a lot to feed the machine that is Shepard. You are gonna starve to death! What the hell have you gotten us into!?'_ The voice was being over-dramatic, to say the least, but Shepard couldn't help but consider what it had said.

Shaking his head forcefully, Shepard finally snapped back into reality.

"Are you okay, hon?" Coleen asked, obviously worried that Shepard had spaced out for a bit.

"I'm fine. It's nothing. Sorry, ma'am." Shepard smiled a fake smile.

"Oh, okay. Next rule, then, **water** **onl** **y**. You are not allowed to drink anything other than water. You are to avoid drinking soda, coffee, tea, juice, sports drinks, energy drinks. Oh, and as I said before, absolutely **no alcohol**."

_'Goddammit, we like all those things! How the hell are we supposed to live on plain fucking water!?'_

'Calm down. It is natural. You can live just fine drinking water. I barely even touch that other stuff anyway.'

_'Psh, whatever. You ever try to drink nothing but water? — (silence) — Didn't fuckin' think so!'_

"Are there any exceptions, like maybe… flavoured water?" Shepard asked, hoping for a loophole.

"Water isn't meant to be flavoured, hon. Water is pure." Coleen explained, "It is the purest thing you can put into your body. That is why we insist on water only. No flavoured water, hon. Sorry."

_'Nice try… I'm actually impressed you thought of it. You're usually so damn stupid.'_

Shepard sighed. 'Shut the hell up, please.'

"You understand, hon?" Coleen asked as Shepard nodded numbly.

"Only one more rule to go…" Coleen announced with glee. "This one is about cleanliness. We believe in cleanliness, but not the useless waste of water. Therefore, **you are only allowed to use the bath or shower when you are told to.** "

"No exceptions?" Shepard asked, knowing the answer.

"No exceptions." Coleen grinned. "Don't worry. You'll get a bath when you need one. We like cleanliness here, after all. But no wasting water."

_'And here I thought cleanliness was next to godliness. Shouldn't they demand that you bathe three times a day? Weirdest Christians ever!'_

Shepard just nodded at his foster mother. He had ways of getting a shower whenever he needed or wanted one. He had been homeless before and had managed just fine. No problem.

"Okay…" Coleen stopped to catch her breath before continuing. "Your schedule… This must be followed to the letter. Order is very important in our home. Do you understand?" 

"Yes, ma'am," Shepard replied quietly.

Coleen smiled at the blue-eyed teen as she continued to speak, "From Monday through Friday, you will be home-schooled from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. — no lunch break will be given. We feel that a lunch break will just make you lose your concentration." 

_'We really are going to starve!'_ Shepard cringed at the thought that maybe the voice was right.

Coleen continued, "You are to study until you are called for dinner. You will, usually, be called for dinner at 6 p.m. Once dinner has ended, you will return to your room to finish up any after school work that you may have failed to complete during your study session. At 9 p.m., you are to go straight to bed. No exceptions — be in bed. Understood?"

_'This schedule sucks balls!'_

Shepard just numbly nodded as she continued.

"On Saturdays, you are allowed to leave the house from 10 a.m. until 8 p.m. At 8 p.m. sharp, you are to be home, and inside your bedroom — no exceptions. This is considered a free day for you." Coleen grinned with a wink, "A reward if you please."

_'_ ** _FUCK YES!_ ** _We are gonna abuse the hell outta that free day!'_

Shepard’s eyes lit up at the thought. It was a free day, granted it was only one free day, but it was **hi** **s**.

"Sunday is the most important day of the week! On Sundays, you are to study the bible from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.." Coleen's manner became serious as she spoke. "You will be questioned after to ensure that you have actually read and studied what you have been told. If you pass our little test, you may leave the house for one hour to stretch your legs. Then you will be called to dinner. After dinner, you may take a quick shower when given permission. Then finally, you will be allowed to go to bed. Then it will all begin anew on Monday. Understood, hon?"

The light in Shepard's eyes dulled at the knowledge Coleen had just laid on him. He was frozen where he stood. There was no way— 

_'Yep, you are totally fucked, gay-boy! They are gonna toss your ass out so damn fast!'_

Shepard rubbed his left eye, feeling a throbbing pain begin to surface.

"Hon, is there something you don't understand?" Coleen asked, with a hint of disappointment.

"No, I-I'm just getting a headache is all." Shepard had always experienced cluster headaches, and he could feel a beauty coming on— A real eye-watering, eye swelling, painful beauty of a headache.

"Oh. Sorry to hear that, hon." Coleen said sympathetically. "Just let me know if it gets worse. Now, do you understand the rules and your new schedule?"

"Yes, ma'am." Shepard nodded.

"Good, now let me show you around." The red-haired woman smiled as she took the boy by the hand.

She showed him where everything was — the kitchen, the washroom, the two bedrooms, the den. The house was a small, one-story, so there wasn't much to see. 

Eventually, they ended up back in the living room, where his foster mother led him to a small table that looked a bit like an altar. It was positioned firmly against the wall directly opposite the front door. There was a huge golden cross sitting in the middle, with several candles and religious figurines surrounding it. At the base of the massive cross, sitting in the middle of the candles and figurines, was a bible — definitely an altar of some sort.

"This is where we pray," Coleen explained, "You are to pray here every morning and every night. Whenever you leave the house, upon your return, you are to pray here. Do you understand?"

Shepard didn't truly understand, but he nodded anyway.

"It will cleanse your spirit from the filth of the outside world." The woman smiled an odd smile.

Shepard nodded slowly.

_'This woman is a fucking nut!'_ The voice screamed, and Shepard wholeheartedly agreed.

"We are very religious here and take our faith very seriously." She explained as she stroked his dark-blonde hair. "They told us all about you, you know. I know you were a bastard child with no father and no name, but I'm sure you'll fit right in, Johnny."

Shepard cringed at the nickname.

"Once you learn our ways, you'll be fine. Your mother may not have wanted you, but we do, Johnny. You're such a good boy and those beautiful blue eyes…" Coleen smiled as she caressed his cheek, rubbing underneath his left eye.

For some reason that Shepard couldn't explain, he was hurt by his new foster mother's words. He knew he was a bastard with no father and a mother that never even cared enough to give him a name before throwing him away. But to actually **HEAR** it said aloud — it cut Shepard to the bone.

Shepard had never thought about his father. Why would he? The man, whoever he was, never gave him a damn thing, not even his name. Hell, he could have been a monster for all Shepard knew, and in all honesty, he probably was. Maybe he was a monster that took advantage of his young mother. Maybe that was why she couldn't love him, why she hadn't wanted anything to do with him when he was born. Or, maybe she just didn't know who the father was, and just didn't give a fuck. What did it matter? The cold hard truth was that neither of them had wanted a goddamn thing to do with him. And that was a fact he had learned long ago.

_'That was blunt. But I reckon the bitch told the truth. Truth hurts, huh, Johnny…'_ The voice teased, mocking his pain.

'I hate that goddamn name. Don't fucking call me 'Johnny'!'

_'Touchy. So damn touchy. Relax before you lose your shit in front of mommy dearest.'_

Shepard took a deep breath, trying to breathe— 

"Johnny… Earth to Johnny." His foster mother's words brought him back to reality. "Are you alright? Is it your headache?"

Shepard shook his head slightly. "It's fine. I'll be fine. Ma'am, why do you call me 'Johnny' and not 'Shepard'?"

Coleen laughed warmly. "Because 'Shepard' isn't a name, silly boy."

"It's my name, though," Shepard clarified.

"Well, 'Johnny' sounds much nicer, so I'm going to call you Johnny. Is that going to be a problem, hon?" Coleen asked, a strange tone in her voice that told Shepard to let it go.

Shepard sighed heavily, "Johnny's fine, ma'am."

"Now, let me show you to your new room." Coleen smiled as she led him to what would be his room.

The room was tiny but clean. There was a small dresser for his clothes, and a small desk in the corner — for school-work, no doubt. The bed was a small single, but the sheets were crisp and clean. It wasn't bad, not bad at all. Shepard had seen and lived in much smaller and much dirtier places, so this was good — nice even.

"Make yourself at home," Coleen said brightly. "I'll call you for dinner soon. Until then, feel free to unpack and take a nap if you feel you need one. It’s been an exhausting day, exciting, but exhausting nonetheless."

"What about my meds? I need to take them every day," Shepard explained, wondering if the woman had forgotten.

"You don't ever have to worry about taking that awful poison again, Johnny," Coleen assured with a smile, "We believe in prayer here. You're in good hands, hon. No need to worry."

_'What the actual fuck? Is this bitch for real?'_

'Jeez, I hope I don't get sick,' Shepard thought anxiously.

"Go ahead and rest, Johnny. I'll call you for dinner soon," Coleen instructed as she left the room.

Shepard nodded as Coleen left the room. He made his way over to the bed, debating on whether he should unpack or just leave his belongings in his backpack — just in case he needed to bug out.

"I don't have much… I guess I could just leave it in my pack." Shepard contemplated aloud, talking to himself quietly. "On the other hand, they'll probably be pissed if I don't."

With a sigh, Shepard took the few garments he had and placed them into the dresser. Once that was done, he crashed onto the bed and pulled out his phone, flipping through the various pictures he had there. Stopping on one of his favourites — one of him and Aaron, taken on Shepard's sixteenth birthday — and Aaron lying naked on Aaron's bed, cuddled side by side, Aaron kissing his cheek, while his gorgeous green eyes shifted to the side, looking at the camera as Shepard took the photo.

_'Stop that! You're gonna make yourself horny, and that bitch will catch you spanking it.'_

Shepard groaned at the voice in his head, but quickly closed the photo, debating on whether or not he should call Aaron. God, how he missed the green-eyed beauty. 

In the end, he thought better of it. "Better not press my luck… not yet anyway," Shepard said aloud, talking to himself.

Exhausted from the day, Shepard turned off his phone and slowly closed his bright blue eyes as he slowly drifted off to sleep.  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	3. The Devil Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard celebrates his one day of freedom as we get a look into Shepard's past to see how Shepard and Aaron met, and how Shepard got the nickname 'J'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes some mild sexual content, but it's mostly implied. As well as implied child abuse, and rage... lots of rage. And a whole lot of swearing. I curse like a sailor, so naturally it rubs off on my characters. Apologies ahead of time for any mistakes made.

Time passed slowly in the house. Each day, longer than the last, keeping Shepard busy and tired, so very sick-and-tired. The only company the blue-eyed teen ever had throughout the week was the voice inside his head. And that was definitely not good for his sanity. Needless to say, the blue-eyed teen felt like he was in prison, and in a way, he was. 

Saturday was **his** day — his salvation, his light in the darkness, so to speak. Saturday was his one blessed day of freedom from the Tylers, and he abused the hell out of it — using up every second he could — savouring every minute like it was his last.

As soon as the clock struck 10 a.m., on a Saturday morning, he was out the door like a bat out of hell, never looking back. He took the precious time he had to relax and do the things he liked to do—

Things like play hockey, eat whatever the hell he wanted, drink whatever the hell he wanted, and fuck whoever the hell he wanted — namely Aaron Hayes.

Shepard had known he was gay ever since he was old enough to know what 'gay' meant. He never questioned his sexuality, never had any doubts. It was just the way he was, and he knew he couldn't change. 

Aaron had asked him once if he had ever experimented with girls. Experimenting with girls had never once crossed Shepard's mind. The closest he had come to 'experimenting' was when he 'helped out' his friend Jack on occasion, but that was just a friend helping a friend. It never went further than mechanical touching.

Shepard never considered it as experimenting. It was just a favour, nothing more. Just the thought of touching a girl made him go limp, never mind fucking one. 

It wasn't that Shepard thought women were ugly, far from it. He thought some women were perfectly lovely, downright beautiful even, but they just weren't for him. They were too soft, not what he wanted at all.

He knew who and what he was, and he knew what he liked. He liked men — a lot. And he liked sex — a lot. So, if he wanted to have sex with a man, he was going to have sex with a man, and that was all there was to it. He was legal by Canadian law now — the age of consent being sixteen, so there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do about it. Simple. Shepard liked simple.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard's life was going well, all things considered. He had that one day of freedom to look forward to each week, keeping him calm and relatively sane — well, as sane as a person like Shepard could be without his meds. For now, it was working.

It could have been worse, after all. Coleen and Ray could have been abusive bastards to him, or — worse yet — sick, twisted perverts, but they weren't. The teen had had experience with both types before — more than once in his life, and he had had his fill of it. So, this — this was a welcomed change, even if they were a little strange.

The Tylers weren’t perfect. In fact, they were weird as all hell, but they never hit him and never tried to touch him. They even seemed to like him a little — well, Coleen seemed to like him. Ray didn't seem to like anything or anyone, but he seemed content with Shepard's existence just as long as the boy followed all of his rules — which he did, for the most part. 

It was only fair that Shepard followed their rules. It was their house, after all — their house, their rules. Outside the house, however, was a different story. That was Shepard's domain, not theirs. All bets were off once he left the Tyler Family's tiny little bubble.

**~~~☆~~~**

All his life, Shepard had been prone to having horrible mood swings. He could go from happy to pissed-off in three seconds flat. It was a struggle to keep his life balanced and peaceful. It was probably the main reason he was never kept for very long. 

And while medication helped, it wasn't a guarantee that he wouldn't have the anger and the mood swings. Being without the meds made things even harder for the young blonde. It made the management of his temper tricky, but he was trying his best.

So far, he had done an excellent job of suppressing his anger. He was slowly learning to zone-out when he didn't like the path a conversation was taking inside the house, just nodding numbly, when asked if he agreed with them or not. So far, it was working beautifully. He was learning to control his anger bit by bit, and he couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself — knowing that Aaron and Anderson would be proud of him as well.

Everything was running smoothly, up until one emotionally exhausting Saturday— 

**~~~☆~~~**

"Hey, Aaron." Shepard greeted the young man with a big grin on his face.

"Hey, J. I brought my gear," Aaron said, raising his hockey bag for the blue-eyed boy to see. "I thought I'd watch you practise, yeah."

"Hell, yes!" Shepard's intense blue eyes lit up as he took the bag from Aaron. "It's been too fuckin' long."

Aaron smiled as he watched his J look through the bag, loving the way his sapphire eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

"You really love hockey, eh?" Aaron teased, his light-green eyes twinkling in adoration.

Shepard blushed a little as he stuttered, "W-well, yeah. So what? Is that a problem?"

"Hell no! It’s fuckin' adorable!" Aaron laughed as he pulled Shepard close to his chest and kissed him, a slow, languid kiss.

The kiss shocked Shepard, to say the least. Aaron had never kissed him in public — he had a girlfriend after all. 

"That was new," Shepard whispered nervously. "Aren't you afraid someone will see and tell Elise?"

"I don't care," Aaron shrugged, "I missed you way too much not to kiss you."

"Fine by me," Shepard replied with a fox-like grin, running his fingers through Aaron's short black hair as he kissed him back.

"Now, let's go, so I can watch your sexy ass skate, yeah." Aaron chuckled as he slapped Shepard hard on the ass.

"Goddammit, Aaron!" Shepard squealed, rubbing his ass, as Aaron broke out into laughter.

**~~~☆~~~**

Everything was going well. Aaron sat watching as Shepard practised his footwork and his handling, as well as his shooting. He was a sight to behold, and Aaron was unable to take his eyes off of the athletic teen. "Gorgeous and talented… That’s my J." Aaron said to himself as he admired Shepard's prowess on the ice.

The ice wasn't all that crowded today. Shepard was the only one on the right side of the ice, while the left was being occupied by small kids taking some pee-wee hockey lessons. On occasion, Aaron could see Shepard glancing over at the kids with a thoughtful smile on his face. Aaron figured Shepard was just reminiscing back to a time when he himself was that little. Back to when he and Aaron had first met.

**~~~☆~~~**

Aaron could remember it clearly— 

Aaron had just turned ten and had decided to become a mentor for the smaller kids who were just learning to play. Aaron had been excited to teach, taking his time to get to know each and every child under his supervision. That was when he had met Shepard, a tiny little six-year-old with a jersey two times too big hanging off of his tiny shoulders. He was the most precious thing Aaron had ever seen, big blue eyes filled with sadness, and a too-small body covered in bruises. It had broken Aaron’s heart to see the small child in such a state. 

Whenever Aaron had tried to get close to him, the boy would shy away, never letting anyone touch him — always standing alone, away from the other kids. Aaron could tell, the little boy had been the victim of some kind of abuse, he could see the bruises peeking out from underneath the child's oversized jersey. 

"And what's your name, little man?" Aaron asked, hoping to gain the child's trust.

Refusing to answer, the boy put his head down and skated off to the side, far from Aaron's reach.

"Don't be like that!" Aaron begged, reaching his gloved hand out to the blue-eyed kid. "I won't hurt you. I promise. I just wanna be friends."

The boy stood stock-still, eyes sharp as he studied Aaron's face.

'He doesn't trust me.' Aaron sighed, "Okay, since you won't tell me your name, I guess I'll have to call you…" Aaron remembered the name tag that was stuck to the tiny boy's jersey — it had read 'J. Shepard'. "'J'… I'll just call you J. Is that all right?"

The little boy said nothing as he stood staring at the older boy.

Aaron sighed heavily. "You are gonna be a hard one, aren't you, J?" 

The little boy just shrugged.

For days Aaron tried to get the boy to open up to him, to no avail. He noticed how adept the little boy was on the ice, and it impressed the hell out of Aaron. 

"You're really good, J," Aaron praised, causing the boy to blush slightly. "Here, let me show you a trick…"

Shepard's big blue eyes went wide in wonder as Aaron shot the puck across the ice and into the net with a move the small boy had obviously never seen before. 

"Show me." The little boy demanded with such authority that it shocked Aaron.

Aaron smiled, knowing he had finally managed to break through the little boy's walls, even if it was just a small break. "Sure… Come here and let me show you."

Shepard had spent the rest of the day practising Aaron's shot with the determination of kids three times his age. It had impressed Aaron.

It took Shepard another week before he finally told Aaron his real name, but by then, it didn't matter. He was already 'J' to Aaron. 

"You'll always be my J." Aaron thought with a reminiscent smile. "All that talent and determination in such a tiny little body…" Aaron’s smile was one of love and admiration. "But, look at you now, J. All grown up. Not so little anymore. You should be playing for a real team, going to a real high school." Aaron's smile turned sad as he thought about the life Shepard had lived and the uncertain future ahead of the brilliant young man he had grown to love so very much. Aaron was shaken from his thoughts by the sound of new blades hitting the ice.

**~~~☆~~~**

Aaron's smile soured as he immediately recognized the new skater — Elias Kellam, Aaron's friend, and old teammate from his hockey days. 

Elias was always a jerk, but he was especially cruel to Shepard. He was always picking at the kid whenever J managed to come, watch Aaron play. Aaron had kicked Elias's ass several times in the past, but Elias never learned to lay off his J. 

Things got even worse when Elias found out that Shepard was gay. Anytime he saw Shepard on the street or on the ice, he would always blindside the kid with a hard punch — usually from behind and to the side of the head, far too cowardly to fight face to face.

"This is going to be bad…" Aaron whispered as he watched the scene carefully.

Elias skated near Shepard, but never close enough to start anything, just a constant back and forth skate. For the most part, Shepard just ignored him and continued to shoot pucks at the net.

"Maybe he finally grew up?" Aaron speculated just before Elias skidded his blades and threw ice onto Shepard. Aaron sighed heavily, "Nope, I was wrong."

Shepard just shot him a glare and continued on with his practice, skating to another section.

Unfortunately, Elias followed him and began ramming Shepard hard into the boards.

"What's your fucking problem?" Shepard asked, his voice harsh as his anger rose.

"What's my problem?" Elias sneered, "I'll tell you what my problem is — my problem is that I don't like sharing the ice with a fag!"

"Then get off the fucking ice, 'cause **I– AIN’T– MOVIN** **'** **!** " Shepard informed him, speaking in a voice that was loud and clear.

"Oh, yeah!" Elias spat, "We'll just see about that!" 

Elias punched Shepard hard in the side of the head with his gloved hand. His helmet doing its job and absorbing most of the blow, Shepard didn't even flinch — he just worked his jaw and began to shake in anger.

"Is that all you got, you pussy?" Shepard's voice was full of violent intent, a warning for Elias to back off.

Elias immediately charged Shepard.

"Dammit! I knew this would happen!" Aaron yelled as he rushed out onto the ice, trying hard not to fall flat on his face, hoping he wouldn’t break his ankle again. "J's gonna fucking kill him!"

Aaron had seen firsthand the damage Shepard could do in an uncontrolled rage. It was absolutely terrifying. Aaron knew he had to stop it, and he had to stop it now.

Sure enough, by the time Aaron got to him, Shepard had his gloves off and was beating the living hell out of Elias, grinning like a madman all the while.

"J!" Aaron tried desperately to drag Shepard off of the asshole, but Shepard was like a man possessed, and in a way, Aaron figured he kinda was.

 _'That's it, Shepard! Show that ignorant fucker what a 'faggot' can do! Show him no mercy! No one touches you, no one!'_ The voice was screaming in Shepard's ear, urging him on, wanting him to destroy the man beneath him. 

"J… C'mon, man! Let it go, J!" Aaron begged, the ice and the strain of trying to restrain Shepard, making it hard for him to breathe.

Catching his breath once more, Aaron tried to get through to the teen once more, "J, stop it! You're going to **KILL** him!"

_'Why are you here!? Always spoiling my fun! Damn you, Aaron!'_

"J, please… for me, J… Stop!" Aaron pleaded one last time.

Shepard froze at those words, the grin fading from his face as he looked down at the bloodied mess beneath him. Shepard slowly rose to his feet, unable to meet Aaron's gaze, collecting his discarded gloves he quietly skated off the ice, leaving Aaron behind.

Aaron sighed heavily as he knelt down to check on his former teammate. "You had this coming. You know that, don't you, you asshole," Aaron scowled as he helped the man sit up. 

"Want me to call an ambulance for you?" Aaron asked as Elias shook his head frantically. "You sure? It looks pretty bad." Elias nodded. 

Satisfied that the asshole would live, Aaron made his way off the ice to find his J.

Aaron found Shepard taking off his gear, only stopping to punch the locker repeatedly with his left hand until the blood dripped down to the floor.

Aaron grabbed him from behind and held him as tight as he could.

"Please, J, stop. You're hurting yourself." Aaron's voice was barely a whisper in Shepard's ear. "Please, baby, stop…"

Shepard stopped and dropped his hand to the side, slumping back against Aaron's chest, exhausted, as Aaron gently stroked his sweat-soaked hair.

"You okay, J?" Aaron asked softly. "Tell me the truth, baby. Are you okay?"

Shepard took a deep breath and just shook his head.

"Okay… Okay, baby," Aaron whispered as he guided Shepard to the bench. "I'll get your stuff, and we'll go to my place, okay."

Aaron looked down at Shepard's left hand, dripping with blood. "I'll take you home and fix your hand. Then I'll make you feel good again. I promise. That sound alright to you?"

Shepard just nodded his head, still lost in his adrenaline.

Aaron packed up all of Shepard's things and walked him to the car.

**~~~☆~~~**

Once inside Aaron's apartment, Shepard began to calm down a little, feeling more at ease there than anywhere else. He was still on edge, but Aaron was able to get him to respond a bit more with every passing second.

"Okay, J, let me clean up that hand, yeah," Aaron said as he got out the first aid kit. "This might sting a bit."

Aaron cleaned the wound and watched for a reaction from Shepard. He got none, not one flinch. Aaron sighed deeply. Shepard should have felt that — the wound was pretty deep, but judging by his lack of reaction, Shepard didn't feel a thing.

"Does anything feel broken, J?" Aaron asked, gently flexing Shepard's fingers, looking for any obvious signs of damage.

"No… it's just a cut." Shepard answered in a voice only slightly louder than a whisper.

"You sure?" Aaron asked, obviously worried about the boy.

Shepard just nodded.

Aaron knew exactly what his J needed when he got like this. And that's exactly what Aaron was going to give him.

"C'mon, J," Aaron whispered as he gently grasped Shepard's hand, leading him towards the bedroom. "I'll take care of you, baby."

**~~~☆~~~**

Aaron led the blue-eyed beauty to the bed and slowly began taking off his clothes. Shepard allowed it and even began kissing Aaron as they went. 'There's my J… Come on back to me…' Aaron thought as he slowly removed his own clothes as well. 

Once he was completely naked, Aaron crawled onto the bed, settling himself between Shepard's spread legs, allowing his upper body to come to a rest, atop Shepard, being careful not to put any real weight on the teen. He wanted Shepard to feel at ease, not like some caged animal.

Aaron kissed Shepard gently. A slow, gentle kiss that Shepard returned almost immediately.

"Tell me what you need, baby," Aaron coaxed gently, wanting Shepard to dictate the terms of their dance.

"You… just you, Aaron… inside me." Shepard's words were soft and gentle with a sadness to them that broke Aaron's heart. "I feel so hollow, Aaron. I need to feel you. Can you make me feel, Aaron? 'Cause I can't feel anything right now."

Aaron's eyes went wide at Shepard's words. Aaron had never heard his J sound so hollow and empty. And it scared him to death.

"J, baby, maybe this isn't what you need right now," Aaron whispered, thinking that maybe sex wasn't going to fix everything in Shepard's head like it usually did.

"I need it, Aaron… so bad," Shepard whined, "Please, Aaron, tear me apart, make me feel **SOMETHIN** **G**!" Shepard begged, tears began to break free from his sad blue eyes, "I'm so goddamn numb, Aaron. But you — you make me **FEEL**. I'm so fucking lost, but when I'm connected to you, I'm not so lost anymore…"

Aaron was terrified. 'Is he so numb that he needs to be ripped apart just to feel something? He wants me to hurt him — he'll beg for me to hurt him, demand it, even — but I-I can't do that. Not to my J.' Aaron's thoughts were going a million miles a minute.

"I won't hurt you, J," Aaron said in a firm, yet gentle tone. "Being rough is one thing, but I won't hurt you… I can't, baby. I can't break you."

Shepard smiled a sad smile and touched Aaron's cheek. "Please, Aaron… I'm already broken, there's nothing left inside to break. It's okay. I need to feel something. Please, baby."

Aaron took Shepard's hand and kissed the bruised knuckles, "I'll give you what you need, but it might not be, exactly, what you want. I won't hurt you, baby. Not the way you want me to. I can't. Do you understand me, J?"

_'He won't do it. He's too much of a sentimental pussy. When is he going to realize that the pain is what keeps your sorry ass alive?'_

Shepard's beautiful blue eyes had a far-away look that made Aaron's heart clench in pain. 'Is even really here?' Aaron wondered sadly.

"J, baby? Can you hear me?" Aaron whispered, kissing the teen gently while stroking his dark-blonde hair.

"I understand. Now, please, Aaron, fuck me," Shepard whispered softly.

Aaron sighed, knowing he could never deny his J anything, not even this, "Are you sure, baby?"

"Aaron, shut up and fuck me!" Shepard growled in frustration, but his blue eyes were pleading, begging Aaron for some kind of release.

Not knowing what else to do, Aaron just did what Shepard had asked of him. All the while, feeling nothing but sadness and fear as he tried desperately to get Shepard to come back to him.

**~~~☆~~~**

Once it was over, Aaron watched carefully for Shepard's breathing to calm, looking for a sign that his J was alright. Shepard had bled a little, and Aaron was terrified that he had gone too far. Aaron continued to watch for several minutes until, finally, Shepard broke.

He began crying and shaking so hard that Aaron had thought Shepard was having a seizure. 

Aaron was in a panic. He had been much rougher with Shepard than he had liked, and while it wasn't as rough as the teen had wanted, it was rough enough to make Aaron feel uneasy.

"J...J! Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Talk to me, baby!"

Shepard just shook his head in response, covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Shepard cried, "Don't hate me, Aaron."

Aaron's light-green eyes went wide, immediately pulling the lost and damaged boy into his arms. "J, what are you talking about? I could never hate you. You're my J."

"I'm a fucking mess!" Shepard screamed, "All I ever do is cause trouble! I can't do a goddamn thing without losing my shit."

"J, it's not your fault…" Aaron tried to console the boy as best he could. "You can't help the way you are."

"Yes, I can!" Shepard yelled, turning his gaze to Aaron. "I fucking can! I can learn to control it better than I do."

Aaron knew that Shepard could control his rage to a point, but he also knew that violence was in Shepard's DNA. It would always be a part of him.

"I know you can, J…" Aaron spoke softly, choosing his words carefully, "But, that asshole had it coming. We both know that. He's not worth all this pain you're feeling, all this pain you insist on inflicting upon yourself, you know."

"I could have killed him, Aaron!" Shepard snapped in a loud terrified tone. "I **WOULD** have killed him, Aaron."

Aaron didn't quite know how to respond to that. Would Shepard have killed him? Aaron wasn't sure. Thinking his J was capable of killing, knowing deep down that it was a possibility, just didn't sit right with Aaron. He'd seen the rage in Shepard's eyes, and it was terrifying, but Aaron also knew how gentle and kind Shepard could be. Knowing that Shepard would always be that gentle and kind kid if everyone would just leave him the fuck alone. 

"Maybe you would have killed him, maybe not," Aaron finally spoke. "What's important is that you didn't. That's what matters, J."

"Only 'cause you were there… You're the only reason I stopped," Shepard explained, "I thought I could control it myself, but in the end, I couldn't. I need my fucking meds!"

"You aren't taking your meds, baby?" Aaron asked in concern for his J.

"I'm just taking my depot shot," Shepard admitted, "And that's only 'cause the Tylers don't know about it. Coleen thinks she can pray away my sickness. She's fucking crazy, Aaron."

"J, you really need those meds. Especially the anti-seizure medicine," Aaron explained with worry in his light-green eyes. "You need to tell Mr. Campbell."

"Who?" The young blonde asked in confusion.

"Daniel, your social worker. He can make sure you get your meds," Aaron assured as he brushed a stray hair from the blonde's brow.

"I don't wanna cause no trouble," Shepard mumbled. "I cause enough pain for people as it is. Maybe I'm just a bad person, Aaron. Maybe the lack of meds ain't the problem."

"You're a good person, J. Stop second-guessing that, yeah," Aaron whispered as he gently stroked Shepard's dark-blonde hair. "If you don't want to call Daniel, then I will. I'll call first thing tomorrow morning. Is that alright with you, baby?"

"Okay… I guess you can call him." Shepard nodded as he nervously spoke, "Um, Aaron… Are you afraid of me?” Shepard's voice cracked in fear of the answer.

"No. I'll never be afraid of you, J." Aaron smiled softly. "You know that, right?"

Shepard just shrugged and dried his eyes. "Why the hell do you put up with me, Aaron?"

Aaron laughed a warm laugh, "Really, J? Isn't it obvious?" Shepard shook his head at the older man he loved so much. "It’s **YOU** , J," Aaron continued without missing a beat, "You are the most amazing person I have ever known — not to mention the most beautiful. That's just the simple truth. And I know you like things simple, J."

"Simple truth, huh?" Shepard asked, uncertain of the truth in Aaron's words.

"Yep… Simple." Aaron winked.

Shepard rolled over onto his side and smiled sweetly at Aaron. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"No problem," Aaron assured as he kissed Shepard lightly on the nose. "I'd never give up on you. You know that? I'll always protect my J."

Aaron's words sent a tingle down Shepard's spine. "Your J," Shepard whispered quietly with a lopsided grin.

"Yep. You have been **my** J for about — oh, ten years now," Aaron teased as Shepard rolled his eyes, a wide grin on his handsome face.

"I like being your J," Shepard admitted in a shy voice, blush evident on his face, smiling a true smile — one that always melted Aaron's heart.

"There's my J," Aaron whispered as he kissed Shepard softly.

**~~~☆~~~**

The two lay in silence for a while, just looking in each other's eyes and gently touching hands, when Aaron's watch chimed, causing him to give it a quick glance.

With a groan, Aaron stretched out his arms and gave Shepard an apologetic look. "I hate to rush you, baby, but it's already 7 p.m., and your crazy-ass fosters will fucking kill you if you're late."

"Shit," Shepard groaned, rubbing his face with both hands. "I'd better move my ass then."

"Yep." Aaron noticed the slight limp in Shepard's walk as he collected his things. "Did I make you sore, baby," Aaron asked, a deep frown on his face, his voice full of sorrow and sympathy.

Shepard chuckled slightly, "Yeah, but it's a good ache, you know."

"Uh-huh," Aaron said, furrowing his brow in doubt. "I hurt you... I'm so sorry, J."

"Relax, Aaron, I'm fine," Shepard assured Aaron with a pout.

"Damn, I love it when you pout! Such luscious, full lips," Aaron teased as he bit Shepard's bottom lip playfully.

Shepard just laughed as he fixed his belt. "Can you drive me home? It sounds like it's raining pretty hard."

"Sure. I was gonna drive you anyway, even if it wasn't pouring out." Aaron winked as he finished getting dressed.

**~~~☆~~~**

The drive to Shepard's foster home was a quiet one. They sat in comfortable silence, blissfully free from tension. Aaron watched Shepard out of the corner of his eye and was pleased to see how relaxed he looked. God, how he loved this boy!

"You need any money, J?" Aaron asked, knowing that Shepard simply hadn't had enough time to work on motorcycles like he usually did for money.

"Nah, I'll be alright," Shepard answered with a smile. "Thanks for offering, though. Much appreciated."

"Come on, J. I know you haven't been working on anything," Aaron insisted, "So, let me take care of you for once."

"Seriously, Aaron. I'll be fine," Shepard insisted.

Aaron managed to get a few colourful bills out of his wallet. "Take it, and don't argue with me, eh."

Shepard's brows furrowed in contemplation and what looked like confusion. "I'm not a whore, Aaron," Shepard replied softly, no hurt or anger in his tone, just sadness.

Aaron gave Shepard a look of hurt confusion. "Don't be like that, J," Aaron pleaded. "You know I don't think that! I just worry about you. God knows you do enough for me. So please, take it."

Shepard mulled it over for a few more seconds before finally taking the money. "Thanks. I'll pay you back."

Aaron couldn't help but grin. "I know you will. Well, here we are. Home sweet hell. Am I right, J?"

Shepard let out a small chuckle. "Yep, sounds about right. Well, I guess I'll see you next Saturday."

"Yep… next Saturday," Aaron laughed as Shepard moved to open the passenger side door. "Hey, J!"

Shepard looked back to Aaron, who immediately pulled him in for a long, deep kiss.

Shepard returned the kiss with fervor and smiled against Aaron's mouth when they began to pull apart.

"Later, baby," Aaron whispered, breathlessly.

Shepard gave him one more quick kiss, smiling as he exited the vehicle. "Later, Aaron."

Shepard waved as Aaron pulled away, feeling happier than he had in months.

That feeling would soon end as he slowly opened the door— 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. I appreciate it


	4. Praise the Lord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is caught and must pay for his 'sin'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains graphic violence, homophobia, and a twisted representation of religion.

The second that Shepard opened the door, he knew something was wrong — very, very wrong. 

There before him stood both of his foster parents, looking straight at him, with a look of absolute disgust on their faces.

_'What the hell's their problem? Did you do something stupid?'_

"Did I do something wrong?" Shepard asked quietly, his gaze drifting to the floor as he racked his brain for the cause of their pissed-off demeanor.

"You know what you did, Johnny," Coleen said, in a sad, yet stern voice. "So, why don't you just admit your sin and accept God's punishment. It'll make it easier for you, child."

_'What's this nut on about? 'God's punishment'? Are they gonna try and murder you or something? And what sin? I mean, you sin a lot — so, yeah, she needs to be more specific there. Am I right, Johnny-boy!? Seriously though, I wonder which one she means?'_

"My sin?" Shepard asked, blue eyes cloudy with confusion.

"You know what you did! Don't try to play innocent, boy!" Ray yelled as he moved to unfasten the black leather belt he was wearing. "God knows what you are!"

_'Okay, not cool… He's not gonna play fair, is he!?'_

"You better admit your sin and repent, Johnny. It's the only way." The woman cried, clenching the cross hanging around her neck as she chanted in prayer.

Shepard was getting more anxious by the second. His anger was beginning to overtake him. He didn't like being yelled at, especially when he had absolutely no idea what the fuck was going on.

Shepard clenched his jaw, working it back-and-forth as he breathed hard out his nose, willing himself to calm down — if only for a bit. He had already lost his shit once today; he didn't need a repeat performance.

Once he had calmed enough, he asked again— 

"What— did— I— do?" The words came out slow and harsh, much harsher than he had intended.

"You know your sin, so just admit it so you can be cleansed." Coleen cried, chanting another prayer. 

_'Did you kill someone when I wasn't looking?'_

'Very funny… I seriously have no fucking idea what they're on about.'

_'They're fucking nuts! The second you get a chance, you bug the hell out. You hear me!'_

'Loud and clear.'

_‘Good boy!’_

"I really have no idea what you're talking about." Shepard tried once more to get through to the woman.

"Oh, Johnny, you know what you did!" Coleen cried with tears in her eyes.

"I don't! I have no idea what you’re talking about. I swear, I don't!" Shepard yelled, making a tight fist, trying to hold the anger in.

"Don't you yell at me, Johnny!" The red-haired woman screamed.

"Then tell me what the fuck is going on!" Shepard snapped back, immediately regretting his choice of words.

"Don’t you use your profanity in this house, sodomite!" Ray screamed as he pulled the black leather belt free from his waist.

_'And there it is… Fucking homophobes! I knew this shit would happen!'_

Shepard's mind was going a million miles a second. 'They know!? How? How do they — Aaron — the kiss, they saw the kiss. No, they couldn't have, not through all that rain.'

"We saw you with that boy," Coleen confirmed Shepard's worst fear, causing his piercing blue eyes to go wide in shock and understanding.

"I-I'm sorry," Shepard's voice was uneasy as he spoke, "I-I didn't realize it would be a problem." Shepard lied, knowing full well their distaste for homosexuals. They had preached to him enough about it.

Shepard had never seriously entertained the thought of bringing someone home. So, the thought of being outed had never even crossed his mind — but, that one kiss — that one careless kiss, just outside the door, and everything was unravelling.

"You know what the bible says about this!" His foster mother lectured, "I taught you better than this!"

"You can't **TEACH** someone not to be gay!" Shepard shouted, trying to get them to understand — if only a little. "I was born gay. There is nothing I can do about it! Can you **STOP** being straight!? God made me this way, and I can’t change! You don't like it, take it up with Him!"

_'Bravo, Shepard! You brought a tear to my eye! Truer words were never spoken. I'm proud of ya!'_

"Thank you!" Shepard replied aloud to the voice in his head, no longer giving a fuck.

There was a loud, shocked gasp coming from the Tylers as Shepard's rant came to an end.

"Blasphemy! The devil has you, Johnny!" Coleen cried as she began to chant yet another prayer.

"There's only one way to take care of this problem…" His foster father growled as he snapped the belt in his hands. "I'll have to drive the devil out." A wide grin spread across Ray's weathered face.

_'Christian my ass! He wants to hurt you. He's enjoying it, just check out the tent in his pants! What a sick fuck!'_

Shepard's eyes flicked up dangerously, his fight-instinct beginning to take over. ' _Knock his ass out! Get him before he gets you!'_ The blue-eyed teen lifted his fist and moved to hit his foster father.

'Don't do it! Don't hit him! Don't do it, J!’ Aaron's voice played inside his head like a mantra until his fist was frozen, stopping just shy of Ray's nose, causing his foster father's eyes to go wide in shock.

_'I swear, even when he's not here, Aaron fucks with my fun! Why the fuck did you listen to Aaron? You're going to pay the price now, dumbass! I hope he doesn't kill us.'_

'Aaron was right.'

Shepard slowly dropped his fist, trying hard not to regret his decision to back down.

"You dare raise a hand to me!?" His foster father yelled, veins pulsing with rage.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again," Shepard apologized through clenched teeth, struggling to keep his composure.

'Just let him do what he has to do. It's his right. His house, his rules.' Shepard told himself over and over.

 _'_ ** _WHAT!?_ ** _Have you gone completely mad? You're just going to stand there and let him beat you half-to-death?'_

'If that's what he wants.' Shepard shrugged.

_'Fucking moron!'_

"No, boy. You won't do it again. I can guarantee that." Ray laughed as he lifted the belt high above his head.

With that, Shepard resigned himself to his fate, took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and waited for the blow to connect.

And connect, it did— 

A sharp, cutting pain hit the side of his face and jaw. Then another to the side of his skull. 

Shepard immediately moved to protect his head, not wanting to suffer a cut to the side of his head, or worse yet, a concussion.

The man kept beating the boy until Shepard was finally on his knees and then ultimately, on the floor, huddled in a fetal position — still protecting his head.

Shepard could hear his foster mother's voice as she chanted, "Praise the Lord!"

Shepard felt sick to his stomach. How could anyone praise this brutality? Shepard could feel the vague drip of something wet running down his left arm and the side of his head. He knew at this point that he must have been bleeding.

_'You should have fought back! I know you're not a pussy, so why did you act like one?'_

'No… No, I did the right thing. I broke the rules. This is my punishment. His house, his rules. It was his right.'

 **_'THIS IS NO ONE'S RIGHT! NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TOUCH YOU! NO ONE! YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT BACK! YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE HIM BLEED INSTEAD!'_ **The voice was angrier than Shepard had ever known it to be, and he could feel that anger deep down inside of himself, and it terrified him.

'No… No, I can't — I can't hurt him.'

_'You're just acting like a pussy! You know what, fine, let him end you — Coward…'_

'I don't… I don't feel right,' the young blonde thought as his body grew taut before spasming into a violent seizure.

All that Shepard heard after that was the sound of the belt against his skin as he drifted into silence.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard didn't know how long he was out, but he came to to the same stinging pain of a belt upon his skin. Turning his cloudy blue eyes up and towards his attacker, Shepard noticed that his foster father was sweating profusely, beginning to show signs of fatigue — his strikes becoming slower and less forceful.

'God, please let it be over soon…'

Soon after, the beating stopped, and his foster mother, Coleen, leaned down and gently stroked the young teen's blood and sweat-soaked hair. "Don't worry, Johnny, we'll get that devil out of you yet," her voice, a whisper in his ear as she leaned in to gently kiss his temple.

"That'll do until morning," Ray said, voice slightly winded from exhaustion. "We'll continue the cleansing tomorrow. We almost got it out of him today. The way the demon was fighting to get out, it won't take long, maybe three or four more sessions."

_'He was having a seizure, you dumb fucks! Shepard, if they beat you like this again…'_

'Tomorrow… They're going to kill me…'

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard dared not move until he knew for certain that the couple had gone to bed. Once he was absolutely sure, he slowly made his way to his feet.

The pain, coming in waves as nausea hit Shepard hard. 'Got up too fast, dumbass! What am I going to do with you? You alright — not that I give a damn, but if you die, I die, so—'

He could feel the sticky, dried blood on him and wondered briefly, just how bad it was. Shepard's entire body felt raw, like one giant gaping wound. It hurt to breathe, let alone move, but he knew he had no choice. If he stayed, he was dead. Simple as that.

'I'll live…'

_'Thank fuck! Hate to rush you, but time's a-wastin'.'_

He thought briefly about going to get his things but thought better of it — if they wanted to toss out his old worn-out clothes, more power to them. Everything he had of value was either in his pack by the door, or on his beaten and battered body.

Shepard turned slowly to leave the house, every single step a struggle to stay upright. He was nearly out the door when he caught sight of the black leather belt hanging on the coat rack in the corner. The blue-eyed teen could feel the anger bubbling up deep inside him at the sight of that cursed belt.

His eyes then shifted to the altar that seemed to be the cornerstone of the Tyler household. Unable to control his rage any longer, Shepard grabbed the belt and began striking the altar with enough force to break and splinter wood.

Seconds later, the Tylers were rushing from their bedroom, a look of shock and disbelief on their faces when they saw what the abused teen had done.

"Johnny, what have you done?" Coleen gasped, grabbing her cross necklace, tears running down her face.

"The devil is in you, boy!" Ray yelled, taking a step towards the furious teen.

"Come any closer to me, and I will fucking **END** you!" Shepard warned, his intense blue eyes dark and full of hate.

"How dare you!?" Ray screamed. "After all that we've done for you, this is how you repay us!?"

"After all you've—" Shepard laughed a dark bitter laugh, "Look at me! Look what you fucking did to me!" Shepard screamed from the top of his lungs, **"FUCK YOU!"**

Shepard threw the belt as hard as he could against the wall next to where the couple was standing, just barely missing them.

The couple stood in shock, both afraid to make a move against the unstable teen.

"I'm leaving, and if I ever see you again, I will fucking **END** you! Do you understand me, Ray?" Shepard warned in a tone that assured he was not playing.

Ray's eyes grew wide in shock as Shepard said his name.

Shepard didn't say another word. He just grabbed his pack, turned, and limped his way out of the house, not bothering to look back.

_'It's good to be free, right, Shepard!?'_

"Praise the Lord…" Shepard whispered to himself as he made his way down the street.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard walked the darkened streets of Vancouver for what seemed like hours, too disoriented to make his way to Aaron's, and too afraid to call for help. 

Tired and in pain, he eventually collapsed against the side of an old apartment complex. It was there where he was found the next morning by, none other than, Constable David Anderson, the only real father figure Shepard had ever known.

"Shepard… Shepard!" Anderson called out to the unconscious teen, trying his best to get a response. "Shepard, son, wake up. It's me, Anderson."

Shepard's hazy blue eyes fluttered as he tried desperately to open his eyes. Upon trying again, the teen realized that his left eye was swollen shut. With the one good eye he had, he looked up to see Anderson's concerned face.

"Anderson…" Shepard winced as he tried to move, his body feeling like one giant bruise. "I'm okay... Really, I am."

Anderson immediately knew that the boy was lying. "Son, you are not okay. You need to be checked out by a doctor. An ambulance is on the way."

"N-no… No, I don't want—" Shepard struggled hard to find his words, blue eyes pleading, "Please… I can't go back. I'm tired. No more—"

Anderson instantly understood what Shepard had meant. He knew the boy was tired of all the pain and uncertainty that came with the flawed foster system, and Anderson couldn't really blame him. The boy had already seen more than men twice his age. He had lived through more hell than Anderson could even imagine, and he was only sixteen-years-old.

"Enough is enough! I'll take him…" Anderson whispered to himself as he tried to ease the broken teen's mind, "Don't worry, son. You don't have to go back. I'll take care of you. Everything's going to be fine. I promise."

Until Anderson, no one, except for Aaron and Ryan, had ever done anything for him without expecting something in return, whether it be money or sex. That was just the way Shepard's world worked.

It was unsettling to have someone other than Aaron and Ryan to lean on. It was alien, and he didn't truly know if he could trust Anderson. But Shepard was tired, so goddamn tired, and he **NEEDED** to trust Anderson, to believe in him… so he did.

**~~~☆~~~**

**Two months later —**

"It's okay, you know. You don't have to say anything. You can keep your thoughts to yourself. They're yours, after all." Anderson spoke softly, trying to calm Shepard's nerves. "But I can tell you that it **IS** going to be okay. You'll see, son."

Shepard slowly nodded as he put his earbuds away and followed Anderson into the child services building. Without saying a word, he walked side by side with Anderson, trying desperately to ignore all of the stares he knew they were getting.

He knew what they were thinking. He'd been here before, and they all knew who he was — John D. Shepard, the troubled child, known for getting into trouble of all kinds, whether it be drugs, theft, breaking and entering, violence or prostitution. He had been guilty of it all at some point in his short life.

He could practically hear their thoughts: 'How long will this one keep him before he throws him away, too? No one likes a troublemaker.' And as much as Shepard hated to admit it, he had those same thoughts himself.

_'I give you three weeks before you fuck it up. No one keeps you for long. As soon as you lose your shit, or they find out what you are, then it's game over, fucker.'_

The voice was right about that. As soon as he lost his temper, or someone found out he was gay, he was always tossed aside. It had never failed in the past, and he had been through this nine times already.

_'Maybe the tenth is the charm… not likely, but you never know.'_

Shepard's anger was always a problem. He had never hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. Only hurting those that harmed him or his loved ones — never harming anyone close to him. In all honesty, Shepard mostly hurt himself. He didn't mind the pain, it wasn't new to him, and he could take an awful lot. He always preferred to lash out at himself rather than hurt others. No harm in it, Shepard was tough, he could take it.

And as for the gay thing — Anderson had known Shepard for two years now and had access to all of his records, so Shepard was pretty sure Anderson already knew. He hadn't told Anderson, and Anderson hadn't asked. Shepard never hid the fact that he was gay from anyone, not exactly. He just never told anyone either. 

What was the point, really? Do straight people go around announcing their straight? No, so why should he go around announcing that he's gay? It made no sense. He wasn't ashamed of it, however. If anyone asked, he'd tell them the truth. He just didn't like causing any unnecessary drama.

_'You do realize that no one wants a 'gay-psycho' for a son. That's like a double threat. If you're not careful, Anderson will toss you out on your ass before you can even get settled.'_

"Shut up," Shepard whispered as he walked with Anderson.

"You say something, son?" Anderson asked, eyebrow quirked.

"Um… no, sir. Just mumbling to myself," Shepard answered quietly.

Anderson just shrugged. "You don't need to call me sir, Anderson is fine, or David. Maybe Dad, one day. Whatever you're comfortable with," Anderson grinned.

"Okay, Anderson," Shepard replied with a small smile. 'I want Anderson to be different from all the others. I want him to be okay with who and what I am.'

_'You know you'll probably just fuck it all up, though.'_

'No, not this time I won't… I want it too bad.'

_'We'll see, won't we…'_

"Ready, son?" Anderson’s voice shook Shepard from his thoughts.

"I guess so," Shepard replied as his eyes shifted to the floor in apprehension. "Are you ready? I-I mean — Are you sure you wanna do this? I'm not the model kid, you know. I fuck up — like a lot — a whole lot."

Anderson just laughed, "Son, if you were a model kid, we'd never have met. And as for fucking up — well, we all do that from time to time. Nobody's perfect." Anderson smiles, patting the blue-eyed boy on the back, "And yes, son, I'm positive that I want to do this. Now let's get this over with, so we can go home. Kahlee's coming home tonight."

Shepard's stomach dropped at the mention of Anderson's live-in fiancée, Kahlee Sanders. Tonight would be Shepard's first time meeting her, and he was terrified that she would end up hating him.

Shepard tried hard to swallow down those thoughts, remembering what Aaron had told him, "She's gonna love you, J! You’re a great guy, and she'll see that right off. So, just relax, yeah." 

Despite Aaron's words, Shepard couldn't help but feel nervous. He really wished that Aaron could be there with him tonight, maybe he could have kept Shepard calm.

"Still nervous about meeting Kahlee, huh," Anderson teased, "You'll be fine, she doesn't bite… hard."

Shepard snorted and rolled his eyes, "TMI, dude."

Anderson broke out into laughter. "Okay, okay. Enough stalling. Let's go. Oh, and Shepard—"

Shepard looked up at Anderson, "Huh?"

"Try not to curse so much, especially during the signing." Anderson grinned.

"You know I ain't got a filter, right?" Shepard smirked. 

**~~~☆~~~**

"Congratulations, Anderson! You are now the proud papa of a bouncing baby boy!" Shepard's social worker, Daniel, teased as Anderson signed the last form.

"Yeah, yeah, you think you're funny…" Anderson chuckled as he finished signing the last form that would officially grant him custody of the sixteen-year-old, bouncing baby boy.

Hardly a baby, the teen in question just rolled his sharp blue eyes as he bounced his knee nervously from his seat. He was ready to get the hell out of there. He had promised to call Aaron as soon as they were finished, and he really needed to hear Aaron's voice.

"You ready to go home, son?" Anderson asked as the teen shrugged in reply.

Sensing the boy's anxiety, Anderson placed his hand on the boy's shoulder, rubbing it gently in an attempt to soothe him. "You're gonna be alright, son. You have a family now."

Shepard just took a deep breath and followed his new father out of his past and into his future. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	5. Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard loses his temper shortly after becoming a member of the Anderson household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real warnings for this chapter, except for mental issues which is par for the course in this story.. And a little dirty talk between Aaron and Shepard... Other than that, hope you enjoy it.

Shepard's new life had been nice so far — far nicer than he'd expected anyway. In the short time since he had been a member of the Anderson household, he had felt welcome. Not once had he felt out of place, not even when he finally met his new foster mother, Kahlee Sanders.

Kahlee was a beautiful woman. A natural blonde with piercing, crystal-blue eyes. Eyes so crystalline blue that they seemed almost ethereal. She was a woman that exuded love and warmth — definitely the motherly type. Shepard could see why a man like Anderson would be drawn to her, even if he himself never could be. 

Anderson had told Shepard about her the first night he had spent in the house. Anderson had told him that Kahlee was his fiancée and that she would be home in two weeks, just in time for Shepard to become an official member of the Anderson household.

Kahlee had spent the last month or so visiting her mother in the States. Apparently, Kahlee was an American, a Texan at that.

**~~~☆~~~**

***Flashback***

"Does she have an accent?" Shepard asked in a thick southern accent, a cheeky grin on his face.

Anderson laughed, "No. No, she doesn't actually — although her mother does. She sounds more like her father, Jon."

"John?" Shepard replied with a quirk of his brow.

"Hn. I never really thought about it, but yes." Anderson pondered with a ghost of a grin, "You and your new grandfather share a name."

Shepard didn't quite know how to feel about that.

"You know, Kahlee could hate me, and then the grandfather thing would be a moot point," Shepard replied, his smile turning sad.

Anderson's grin faded as he touched the boy's shoulder, "Don't talk like that. I know Kahlee better than anyone, and I know, for a fact, she'll love you."

"You think so?" Shepard asked, a nervous edge to his voice.

"Of course I do." Anderson chuckled, "She might be a little shocked when she sees you, though."

"Why's that?" Shepard asked.

"Well, I kind of got the feeling as I was telling her about you that she may have been picturing someone… shorter." Anderson grinned, jostling the blue-eyed teen.

"Oh, great! She thinks I'm a little kid." Shepard rubbed his face as Anderson's laughter filled the room.

***End Flashback***

**~~~☆~~~**

The evening they met had been awkward for Kahlee, to say the least—

"Kahlee, this is John Shepard, our new…" Anderson paused, unsure if he should actually say the word or not, "Son."

The look on Kahlee's face was priceless. Standing at only 5'5'', the teen towered over the petite blonde.

"Hello, pleased to finally meet you, Ms. Sanders," Shepard said, giving Kahlee his most charming smile while extending his hand to her. "Anderson has told me so much about you."

Kahlee just stood there frozen, crystalline-blue eyes travelling from Shepard's feet, to his long legs, then to his broad chest, before finally coming face-to-face with his piercing blue eyes. Shaking her head to finally collect herself, she finally took his hand in hers — noticing how much larger the boy's hand was compared to hers.

'He's almost as big as David…' Kahlee mused as she finally smiled at the blue-eyed teen.

"Please call me Kahlee... or Mom," Kahlee replied with a nervous laugh. "'Mom' would be great, but I understand if you aren't ready for that."

Anderson laughed at his fiancée, noticing the blush on her beautiful face. "He's a tall drink of water, isn't he."

"Uh, yes — yes he is," Kahlee leaned in and whispered in Anderson's ear, "You could have warned me. You said he was sixteen."

"I am sixteen, ma'am," Shepard grinned, overhearing her whispered words. "At least, I think I am."

"You're sixteen, son," Anderson assured the teen with a laugh, as he put his arm around Kahlee.

"A-Apologies…" Kahlee stammered, "I-it's just that you're so… so…"

"I'm big for my age." Shepard shrugged with a roguish smile.

"Yes… yes, you are." Kahlee chuckled. "You still should have warned me," Kahlee laughed as she playfully smacked her fiancé on the stomach.

Anderson kissed her cheek as he spoke, "Alright, alright, I apologize. But I **did** tell you he was sixteen. I just left out his size."

"Yeah, but I'm not your average sixteen-year-old, Anderson. You could have warned her." Shepard grinned as he gave his new foster mom a wink.

"I'm already getting picked on by the two of you, and it's only been ten minutes," Anderson said lightheartedly, "Maybe I should rethink this."

"Too late, he's ours now," Kahlee grinned as she took them both by the arm. "I think we should order takeout, and then sit around all night, just getting to know each other," Kahlee suggested. "How does that sound, John?"

"Um, can you call me Shepard, ma'am?" Shepard asked softly.

Kahlee looked confused at first, but eventually, a smile crossed her face. "Sure, but don't get upset if I slip-up and call you 'John' every now-and-then. I happen to love the name 'John'."

"That's fine, ma'am." Shepard smiled.

"Shepard, please don't call me 'ma'am'." Kahlee gently squeezed his arm. "Call me 'Kahlee'."

"Alright, Kahlee." Shepard smiled as he thought to himself, 'Maybe one day, I'll be able to call you 'Mom'.'

**~~~☆~~~**

It didn't take long for the three of them to fall into a perfectly normal routine — a family routine, or at least what Shepard had always pictured a family to be.

"Hey, sweetheart," Kahlee greeted the blue-eyed teen as he made his way into the kitchen. "Sleep well?"

"Uh, yeah. Everything's good." Shepard replied with a shy smile, still not used to someone giving a damn.

"You have anything planned for today?" Anderson asked as he read the paper and picked at his eggs.

"I'm supposed to meet Aaron later," Shepard replied, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"When do I get to meet this mysterious 'Aaron'?" Kahlee asked with a teasing grin on her face.

"Um… not sure. He's pretty busy," Shepard replied, hoping that she wouldn't push it.

"What are you two planning for today?" Kahlee asked as she took a bite out of her toast.

Shepard shrugged as he took a swig of his coffee. "Uh, I don't really know. He's supposed to take me to pick up a motorcycle I'm buying. After that, I'm not really sure. It depends on Aaron, really."

Kahlee stopped eating as soon as she heard the word motorcycle. "A motorcycle? Aren't those dangerous?" Kahlee asked with concern evident in her voice.

Shepard furrowed his brow, surprised by her concern. "Not really. Not if you know what you're doing and don’t do anything stupid."

"Do you even have a licence?" Kahlee asked in a very protective and motherly tone.

"I have a licence, two actually. One for a vehicle, and one for a motorcycle," Shepard assured her.

"When did you get those?" Anderson asked, surprised that Shepard hadn't told him.

"Aaron took me the day I turned sixteen," Shepard explained, "I passed, and did everything that was required of me. I even took the classes. I didn't cut corners."

"Oh, well, that's okay then," Kahlee said, still unsure as to how she should handle the situation. "May I see your licences, please?"

Shepard rolled his eyes, annoyed that she didn't seem to trust him. He quickly got out his wallet and tossed the two licences towards her with more force than necessary.

"Hey, calm down, Son," Anderson scolded as he shot the blue-eyed teen a disapproving glare.

Shepard exhaled hard through his nose, breathing just like Aaron always told him to as he rubbed his face hard. "Yeah, sorry about that, ma'am… I mean, Kahlee."

"That's alright." Kahlee smiled as she inspected the licences, looking for any flaws that would prove them to be fake. "Everything looks to be in order," she replied, returning the licences to the agitated teen. "Where did you get the money, if you don't mind me asking?"

Anderson's eyes flicked up to Kahlee, shaking his head slowly at her, as if to say, 'Don't do it!' or 'Let it go…'.

"What? He doesn't have a job, does he?" Kahlee shrugged, feeling perfectly justified in her inquiry. "I'm just curious."

"Right, 'cause I'm a thug!" Shepard's tone was full of hurt and anger. "Maybe I stole it, sold dope, or better yet, I sold myself like a whore to get it! What the fuck do you care anyway, it's not your goddamn money!?"

The blue-eyed teen stormed out of the house before anyone else had the chance to speak, knocking over a stool as he went.

"John! John, that’s not what I meant!" Kahlee pleaded, knowing she had handled the situation badly. "Shepard, come back…"

Anderson just sighed a heavy sigh and rubbed his face hard before he spoke, "He works on motorcycles for extra cash."

"He works— on motorcycles—" Kahlee repeated slowly, letting the words sink in. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't have a chance," Anderson explained, "I tried to tell you not to go there, but you wouldn't drop it."

"I'm his mother, or I'm trying to be!" Kahlee exclaimed, her ice-blue eyes shining with unshed tears. "I read his police file, David. When were you going to tell me about all the trouble he's been in?"

"That file is police business and sealed to the public," Anderson spoke calmly, trying to avoid a fight. 

"But **WE** are his parents now! **BOTH** of us, David. Not just you! Don't you think I **NEEDED** to know!?"

"No, I didn't think you needed to know," Anderson responded, his professional voice coming through. "It was all a long time ago, and he's never been convicted of anything. Hell, he hasn't been in any major trouble for over a year now."

"Don't treat me like some random civilian, David!" Kahlee warned. "I have the right to know! I **NEEDED** to know about his violent history! If we are going to keep him, then I need to know what I'm dealing with!"

" **IF** we keep him?" Anderson's eyes went wide with shock at her words. "What do you mean, **IF**?"

"I don't know, David… He's known to be violent. His temper seems to be erratic, to say the least. He seems to be a ticking time bomb. He could be dangerous," Kahlee explained, her voice wavering. "I don't know how to handle someone like that. I don't know if I can."

"He's fine, Kahlee," Anderson assured, "As long as he takes his medication, everything should be just fine."

"What if he decides to **STOP** taking his medication? What happens then?" Kahlee asked in fear.

Anderson's eyes lit up in understanding at the sound of her voice. "You're afraid of him?"

"No!" Kahlee yelled, but then quickly backtracked, "Yes!... Yes, I'm afraid of him! He terrifies me."

"Why?" Anderson’s tone was sad and disappointed, unable to understand where his fiancée was coming from.

Kahlee paced the floor as she explained, "He came home yesterday, obviously angry about something. I asked what was wrong, but he just shrugged and went to his room. I looked in on him a little while later, and he was using the punching bag in his room."

Anderson chuckled. "That's all? He uses the punching bag to relieve stress. That's why he chose that room and not the one upstairs. It's perfectly normal behav—"

Kahlee cut him off, shaking her head nervously, "No, David, it wasn't that! It was the intensity of the punches. He punched the bag so hard. He punched it until both of his hands were dripping wet with blood. I gasped when I saw it. He heard me and looked straight at me. The look in his eyes, David," Kahlee felt a shiver run down her spine as she thought of the empty look she had seen in the teen's blue eyes, "it was so cold… so empty, like he wasn't even there. It scared me so damn much that I ran. The worst part was twenty minutes later when he came out of his room, acting as if nothing had happened — like he had never even seen me. It was eerie…"

Anderson's brow furrowed as he considered Kahlee's words. "Violence is in his DNA… He can't help it." Anderson spoke softly, a sadness to his voice, "But he can control it. He'd never hurt anyone he loves, Kahlee. I **KNOW** he wouldn't."

"How do you know?" Kahlee asked, tears finally beginning to break free.

"I just do." Anderson couldn’t explain how he knew, he just knew. "And I **know** he is meant to be here. I am meant to be his father, and he is meant to be my son. I won't give him up, Kahlee. I can't."

Kahlee's eyes grew wide at her fiancé's words. She made her way to where he was sitting and gently held his head to her chest. "You love him that much?"

Anderson sighed heavily, tears in his eyes, "I do, Kahlee. I really do. Please, don't give up on him."

Kahlee smiled sweetly at the man she loved. "I won't, David. I promise."

**~~~☆~~~**

_'Just three weeks in, and already called out for being trash. Hate to say I told you so, but I told you so, bitch!'_

"She didn't mean it like that! I overreacted. It's my fault, not hers!" Shepard screamed aloud as he punched the brick wall of Aaron's apartment building.

"Whoa, J! Calm down." Aaron scolded as he reached out for Shepard's hand. "You're gonna break your hand… or the wall," the green-eyed beauty joked as he kissed Shepard's bruised knuckles.

"I fucked up, Aaron," Shepard whispered, slouching against the building.

"What happened?" Aaron asked, worry showing in his pale-green eyes.

"I kinda yelled at Kahlee… I mean, I **REALLY** yelled at Kahlee." Shepard rubbed his face with his free hand, Aaron still holding his bruised left one. "She'll hate me for sure now."

"I'm sure she won't, J," Aaron insisted, trying to console the worried teen. "Just apologize to her, and it'll all work out. I promise." Aaron smiled as he kissed Shepard's bruised knuckles once more.

"Maybe I should buy her an apology gift?" Shepard suggested, mostly to himself.

Aaron chuckled, "Well... if you don't have enough after we pick up your bike, I'll pitch in."

"You don't have to do that," Shepard pouted. "I got it covered."

"The pout… weak for the pout," Aaron joked as he bit the bottom of Shepard's full, plump lip.

"You are so gonna get busted by Elise one of these days," Shepard warned as he rolled his sapphire eyes.

"So, what kind of bike is this, eh?" Aaron asked, curious as to what the hell Shepard was actually buying.

"It's a Harley-Davidson, Screamin' Eagle Custom," Shepard explained, eyes twinkling. He loved motorcycles almost as much as he loved hockey— Almost.

Aaron let out a low whistle. "That sounds hella expensive," Aaron frowned slightly, hoping his J wasn't setting himself up for disappointment.

"Relax, I got this." Shepard grinned as he explained, "The guy that's selling it is some spoiled rich kid, no offence, Aaron…"

"Very funny, J," Aaron snorted, but couldn't help but to grin at his J.

"Anyway, as I was saying," Shepard grinned as he continued, "He's rich, so when he wrecked the bike, he refused to get it fixed. ...Said it would never drive properly, and insisted on getting a new one."

"So, you're, what? Buying a busted-ass motorcycle that doesn't work?" Aaron shook his head in disbelief, "Good plan, J," sarcasm evident in his tone.

"I know what I'm doing, dumbass!" Shepard growled, rolling his eyes at the green-eyed beauty. "It only has minor damage, but the owner's a fuckin' moron, so I'm getting it for a steal."

"A steal, huh?" Aaron didn't quite believe him.

"Yep." Shepard popped the 'p' for emphasis. "Should have enough left over to fix the body damage, and still have enough for a new paint job. Like I said, the dude's a moron."

**~~~☆~~~**

Aaron was quite impressed with Shepard's haggling skills. He had indeed gotten the slightly damaged bike for 'a steal'. He even got the owner to throw in two brand-new helmets for just a few bucks more.

"I have to say, J, it looks better than I expected." Aaron couldn't help but to grin at his blue-eyed beauty.

"Told you so." Shepard grinned as he put on his helmet. "You wanna ride?"

"Well, we walked here, and I don't have any other way back, so…" Aaron shrugged, "Why the hell not?"

"Hell, yes!" Shepard winked, handing Aaron the other helmet. "You have to hold on real tight to me."

Aaron laughed a little, feeling the heat of Shepard's body as he pressed himself closer to the blue-eyed devil. "Oh, I'll hold on real tight, don't you worry," Aaron assured as he let his hand travel down Shepard's chest, moving to rest just above his crotch.

"Be good! I have to drive!" Shepard scolded with a low growl.

"I'll try…" Aaron whined. "You wanna go get your mom a gift now?" Aaron asked, holding Shepard just a little tighter.

"I guess so," Shepard shrugged as he started the bike. "Suggestions?"

"Jewelry?" Aaron suggested, knowing it was always a sure thing with his own mom.

"Sounds good," Shepard replied as he peeled out and headed towards the shopping district.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Hey, J," Aaron called, "look at this."

It was a simple silver necklace, obviously made for a male.

"Uh, that's great, Aaron, but it's for a guy, and Kahlee's a girl."

Aaron rolled his eyes, "I meant for me, dumbass. I've been wanting one for a while now, but I keep putting it off."

"You gonna buy it?" Shepard asked.

"Well, maybe, but not today,” Aaron sighed, a defeated look in his pale-green eyes, "It's a little too expensive, and the rent's due. I can always splurge when the rent's taken care of."

"Must be nice, being able to splurge," Shepard teased, "I think you might be a bit spoiled."

Aaron grabbed his chest in mock hurt. "You wound me, J! There is no 'maybe' about it, I am **definitely** one spoiled bastard!" Aaron laughed as he gave Shepard a wink.

"You're right about that." Shepard smiled, shaking his head in amusement. "Look, Aaron, if you really want that necklace, I'll get it for you. I have enough for that, and a gift for Kahlee."

Aaron stopped what he was doing and stared at the blue-eyed teen in wonder. "What?"

Shepard rolled his eyes. "I said I'll get you the damn necklace. Pay attention, Aaron."

"No, J. I can't let you do that. You worked so hard to get that bike, and you need that money to fix it up," Aaron insisted, shaking his head sternly.

"It's just a bike, Aaron. You're way more important," Shepard informed him with a serious look on his face.

Aaron's eyes went wide with shock as tears stung at his eyes. "No, J. I don't need it. I have plenty of jewelry already. But thank you. You're amazing. You know that, J?"

"What the fuck are you on about?" Shepard asked, raising a brow in confusion, causing Aaron to smile.

'Jeez, J, you really are clueless,' Aaron thought to himself. "Never mind. Don't worry about it, J."

The two browsed the various jewelry cases in silence until Aaron finally decided to speak.

"J, why don't you ever buy yourself anything?" Aaron asked nonchalantly.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I just bought a fuckin' motorcycle," Shepard replied, shaking his head at his friend.

Aaron chuckled, "Yeah, but that's rare… I never see you buy anything like jewelry or clothes."

Shepard snorted, "I buy clothes, Aaron… when I need them."

"That's what I'm saying," Aaron said, gently punching Shepard in the arm. "You only buy things you **NEED**. The bike is the first thing you ever bought that you actually **WANTED** , but even it has a practical use. Why don't you buy yourself something frivolous? Like some jewelry, or a nice watch?"

"I have a watch, Aaron," Shepard replied, showing him the cheap digital watch that he always wore.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "It's a cheap-ass, digital watch, J."

"Hey, I like my cheap-ass watch." Shepard frowned, holding his wrist. "It works just fine."

Aaron laughed at his friend. "How about we get you pierced?" Aaron suggested, knowing Shepard would never agree to it. "You'd look great with a few earrings, maybe some gauges like mine."

"Hell no, Aaron," Shepard shook his head adamantly. "Don't get me wrong. I love your gauges, I do. But I don't like the idea of having a hole in my fucking ear."

Aaron laughed as he hugged Shepard from behind. "Okay, okay… no gauges. Maybe just a simple stud or nose ring? How about some snake bites? You love mine, right, J?"

"Yeah, I love 'em, **on you** , that don't mean **I** want 'em. So, nope. Not happening. I fuckin' hate needles," Shepard whined.

"J, you have tatts. Like six of them, and some are pretty big." Aaron chuckled, knowing his J was making no sense.

"That's totally different!" Shepard explained, "A tattoo needle doesn't pierce you until you have a fuckin' hole in your skin."

"J, tattoos hurt way more," Aaron retorted, placing his chin on Shepard's shoulder.

"Pain don’t bother me," Shepard replied, shaking his head gently. "It's the goddamn holes I don't like."

Aaron burst out laughing. "You are so fucking weird, J."

"Tell you what, I'll get pierced when you get inked," Shepard teased with a fox-like grin, confident he had put the matter to rest.

"About that…" Aaron grinned as he sucked gently on Shepard's neck, causing the younger boy to moan softly. "I was actually thinking of getting a few."

Shepard turned around to face Aaron, "Bullshit! You're just teasing me."

Aaron chuckled and shook his head. "I'm dead serious."

"Fuck!" Shepard really didn't want a piercing. "What made you decide to suddenly get a tatt?"

"Well, you know how I love your tattoos," Aaron licked his lips as he spoke. "I was thinking of getting one just like the one you have on your left side, but on my right side instead."

"The one you and Ryan tease me about?" Shepard asked with his brow cocked.

"Yep, the very one," Aaron replied, nodding to his J. "I like it, even if you left a line out."

"I did that on purpose!" Shepard defended himself. "I didn't want it to sound too Irish."

Aaron chuckled and rolled his eyes at the blue-eyed beauty. "It **is** Irish, J."

"I know that!" Shepard said in a flustered tone. "But I like 'may you be in heaven before the devil knows you're dead' better than, 'may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead'. I mean, is the 'half an hour' thing really necessary?"

"You're so weird, J," Aaron teased, a wicked grin on his handsome face.

"I'm weird? You just said you wanted the same tatt," Shepard shook his head in confusion, "Why do that if you think it's weird?"

"I don't know." Aaron thought before he spoke, "Maybe I just want it as a way to… I don't know, bind us together. Like, we'll be the only two people in the whole world with that half-assed saying on them — on us."

Shepard snorted in laughter. "Okay, maybe for your birthday, we'll get you inked — but I'd rethink getting a tattoo like mine. Elise would lose her shit. She's seen mine, remember."

Aaron considered the proposition. "Hm— Point taken. The birthday thing could work, though. We could get me inked, and maybe get you pierced, eh?"

"I dunno, Aaron…" Shepard whined, really not wanting a piercing. "I'll think about it."

"You're such a pussy, J." Aaron teased with a grin. "But I love you anyway."

Shepard punched him gently on the shoulder, blue eyes shining with mischief. "Yeah, you love this boy's pussy."

Aaron groaned at his blue-eyed lover's words. "Fuck yeah, I do. Best pussy ever!"

Shepard grinned a wicked grin. "Damn right it is! Now help me pick out a bracelet for my mom."

Aaron smiled as he caught Shepard's words. "You called her 'mom'."

Shepard's eyes grew wide before a thoughtful smile crossed his face. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"How about the one with the butterfly charm?" Aaron suggested as he looked through the selection of charms and trinkets. "You can even add charms to it."

"Ah, here's one that says 'MOM'," Shepard mused, showing the charm to Aaron.

"You should get both, yeah," Aaron suggested.

"Perfect." Shepard smiled as he examined the completed bracelet. "Think she'll like it?"

"She'll love it, J." Aaron smiled, kissing the blue-eyed teen on the cheek.

**~~~☆~~~**

That night, Shepard entered the house as quietly as he could. Hoping he wouldn't disturb his mother and father. He figured that he'd done enough damage already and bursting through the door like a madman, just didn't seem like the right thing to do.

"Should I tell them I'm home?" Shepard whispered to himself as he stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do.

_'What do they care? No one gives a shit. Especially not your 'mommy'. You know she hates you, right.'_ A strange feminine voice teased him mercilessly, ' _She's scared of you, you know.'_

"No, she's not. She's not scared of me. She loves me," Shepard said to himself, unaware that he was speaking aloud.

_'And why do you think that? You know you can't be loved. You've been told that since you were born. You don't really think that they'd_ **_ALL_ ** _lie to you, do you? I mean, you don't even have a name.'_

_'Oy, shut the hell up! You aren't welcome here. Get the hell out of here,'_ the voice demanded. _'There ain't enough goddamn room in here for strays!'_

The strange voice laughed. _'Aw, are you afraid to tell him the truth? Pathetic!'_

"But I have a name… My name's Shepard," the blue-eyed teen said in a confused tone.

_'Damn right, you do! You're Shepard, goddammit,'_ the voice reminded the blue-eyed blonde.

_'No. Remember what Coleen said, 'Shepard isn't a name, not really.' It's just an ugly reminder of the woman who never wanted you.'_

"Shut up! John — John is my name. See, I **HAVE** a name!" Shepard's voice was growing louder with every word spoken.

_'No, you idiot! You're 'John Doe', an unwanted and forgotten person. It's a title for the lost. It's not a name, moron.'_ The feminine voice spat the brutal truth, and Shepard couldn't help but hear it.

"I know! I **KNOW** 'Doe' isn't a name, but 'John' **IS** a name… That's enough, isn't it?"

_'You tell me… Is it?'_ The feminine voice asked.

_'Don't listen to her. You are John Shepard! You have a name, and that's enough!'_ The voice yelled.

Anderson had heard it all, every word that Shepard had spoken. He had heard his son having a very loud, very emotional argument with— himself? 

'He needs help… How can I help him?' Anderson sighed to himself as he finally got up the courage to approach his seemingly lost and confused son.

"Shepard... Shepard, Son," Anderson asked as he gently jostled the boy, trying to get him to return to reality without frightening the young teen. "Are you okay? Talk to me, Son."

“Shepard… Shepard is my name?” Shepard looked up at Anderson in confusion, “It is, isn't it?"

Anderson hugged the boy tight, unsure of how to handle him in this fragile state. "Yeah, Son, that's your name."

Anderson walked the boy to the kitchen, and sat him down at the bar. "I'll get you something to drink."

"I don't have a name." Shepard's voice was barely a whisper, and Anderson had to strain to hear his words. "'John Doe' is a title, not a name. Right?"

"Son, don't worry about that right now." Anderson gently rubbed the boy's back. "Names aren't important, not really."

Shepard nodded in agreement before asking, "Is Mom scared of me?"

Anderson was taken aback by the question. The joy of hearing Shepard calling Kahlee 'Mom' was overshadowed by the sad question his son had asked.

Unsure of what to say, he decided to be as gentle as possible with his fragile son. "I don't think it's fear, not really. It's more a case of misunderstanding. She doesn't quite understand you, but she's willing to try to understand. If nothing else, she's afraid of losing you."

"Losing me?" Shepard's brow furrowed in confusion.

"She's afraid you'll shut down or lose yourself to your demons," Anderson explained, "She worries about you, we both do."

"I'm letting you down," Shepard whispered, voice sad and tired. "I'm sorry, but I'll do better… I'll try harder."

Anderson sighed as he took his son's hand in his, "Son, you're not letting us down. You're doing just fine." Anderson paused, unsure of how to proceed without angering the unbalanced teen. "Son, I think it's time for you to see Doctor Smith again. I think he might need to know that the voices in your head are back."

_'Shit! He has a point, though,'_ the voice admitted.

Shepard quickly jerked his hand away and began bouncing his knee nervously. "W-what are you talking about?"

_'Busted! You are so busted! They're gonna dope you up so much. You’ll be nothing but a zombie by the time they're finished.'_

"Son, it's alright…" Anderson assured the nervous teen as he placed his hand on the boy's shoulder. "There's nothing to be ashamed of, and there's no shame in taking medication."

"I'm okay, really," Shepard whispered, "I'm just tired… It only happens when I'm tired."

Anderson sighed, "Son, Doctor Smith needs to know. If you have trouble sleeping, he can give you something to help you sleep. He might not have to change anything else."

"No, Dad!" Shepard began shaking his head rapidly from side to side, afraid of the possibility of stronger medication. "Please… don't make me go! I can control it… I swear. All I need is rest." Shepard's piercing blue eyes were now shining with unshed tears. "Please, Dad."

Anderson pulled his son into a tight hug, "Okay, okay… We won't make you go… But please, Son, promise me you won't let things get too bad."

"I-I won't," Shepard promised, unable to meet his father's gaze. "I-Is Mom awake? I kinda need to apologize, for this morning."

"I think so. She was upstairs reading a book. I can go get her if you want," Anderson offered.

"No, that's alright. I'll just go see for myself," Shepard replied as he made his way to the stairs, "Dad… thanks."

Anderson's heart swelled with pride as a big grin crossed his face, "Anytime, Son. Talk to your mom, then go to bed, and get some sleep."

"I will." Shepard smiled, nodding his head. "Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight, Son."

**~~~☆~~~**

"Mom, you awake?" Shepard called before turning the corner to find his mother looking up at him from her book.

"John… I mean, Shepard," Kahlee corrected, surprised that the blue-eyed teen had called her 'Mom'.

Shepard smiled gently as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "John’s fine."

Kahlee's smile was warm as she spoke. "Thank you. You know my dad's name is 'Jon'. Without the 'h', but still the same." Kahlee gently put down her book, patting the seat beside her.

"Yeah, Dad told me about him," Shepard replied as he took his place beside her on the couch.

"I'd love for him to meet you one day." Kahlee smiled at her son, pushing a stray dark-blonde strand from his piercing blue eyes.

"I'd like that," Shepard whispered.

"I guess that's why I like the name so much." Kahlee chuckled, crystalline-blue eyes shining brightly. 

"I'd like to apologize to you about this morning. I shouldn't have — I mean, I should have handled it better," Shepard explained, his knee bouncing nervously. "I hurt you, and I didn't mean to."

Kahlee moved to brush another strand of hair from her son's too-blue eyes. "That's on me too. I shouldn't have asked you the way I did. It was accusatory, and I was wrong. Even though I work with teenagers every day, I'm still new to this whole motherhood thing."

"I think you're doing great," Shepard smiled sincerely in assurance. "I got you something. You know, for putting up with me and…" Shepard cleared his throat, "you know, being my mom, and loving me and stuff."

Kahlee's ice-blue eyes grew wide when Shepard placed the small gift box into her hand. "You didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to." Shepard smiled, nervously bouncing his knee.

Kahlee's eyes filled with tears when she saw the contents — a gorgeous silver charm bracelet with two charms, a beautiful butterfly with periwinkle wings, and a silver heart with 'MOM' engraved in big bold letters.

Her hand shot up to her mouth to stifle a gasp as tears flowed freely from her beautiful eyes. "Oh, John!"

"Do you like it?" Shepard asked nervously. "Aaron helped me pick it out."

"Oh, John, I love it!" She hugged Shepard tightly and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Thank you so much. I'll never take it off."

"I'm glad you like it." Shepard smiled as he helped her to fasten the clasp. "Well, I guess I should get some sleep. I'm pretty tired."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning," Kahlee said, kissing her son on the cheek. "Goodnight, and I love you."

"Love you too… Mom." Shepard smiled back as he made his way downstairs to get some much-needed sleep.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it and hope you stay for the next chapter. :)


	6. Broken Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard bonds with Kahlee, and Aaron turns twenty.

The next morning, Shepard could hear his parents talking in the kitchen. As he got closer, he could hear their words. 'Are they picking out baby names? What the hell?'

"What about Daniel?" Kahlee asked as she poured coffee for the family.

"No, I don't think so," Anderson shook his head, a thoughtful look on his face.

"What are you guys talking about?" Shepard asked in confusion. "Am I going to be a big brother or something?"

Anderson and Kahlee looked at each other and broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Well, maybe one day, but not now. No," Kahlee clarified, wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes. "We were just trying to find a nice name for a boy that begins with the letter D."

"Why? I mean, if you're not having a kid anytime soon, why bother?" Shepard shrugged, unable to see their logic, "What’s the point?"

"Well… a friend of mine is having a baby — a boy, and insists on him having a name beginning with the letter D," Kahlee explained.

"The letter D, huh? That's weird," Shepard mused.

"She's a strange girl." Anderson grinned. "Just humour us, Son. What would be a good name?"

"Well, how about 'David'? It's your name," Shepard motioned towards his father. "And you're a strong man. Hell, I'd name my son after you, so why not?"

"Son, I am honoured that you feel that way," Anderson beamed with pride as Kahlee gave him a knowing smile. "But if that's really the way you feel, you should save that name for your own child. Don't you think? Besides, there's already a 'David' in the household. They want the child to have a name that's his and his alone."

"Oh… makes sense." Shepard grinned, then pondered a while, looking for a name in his head. "Um… I don't know? How about 'Devon'?"

Kahlee and Anderson glanced at each other, then back to Shepard.

"Devon," Anderson said, letting the name roll off his tongue.

"Devon," Kahlee repeated. "I like it."

"Me too," Anderson nodded as he took another sip of his coffee.

"You two are fuckin' weird," Shepard replied, noticing the satisfied smirk on his parents' faces.

"Language!" Both parents scolded in unison.

"Apologies. No filter, remember?" Shepard smiled as he quickly kissed his mother's cheek. Stopping at Anderson, debating on doing the same to him — he made his decision, "Screw it," the blue-eyed teen whispered as he kissed his father on the cheek, causing both Anderson and Kahlee to laugh.

"See you guys later. Aaron's birthday is in a few days, and I have to pick up his gift." Shepard explained as he got his keys. "I won't be late. Love you."

"Love you." His parents called out in unison as he exited the house.

**~~~☆~~~**

"J, you're late," Aaron scolded as he pulled Shepard towards him. "Where have you been?"

"Getting you a present for your birthday," Shepard informed him in a smart-ass tone, "But I guess I could always take it back, you ass."

"Aw… That's so sweet. My J got me a gift," Aaron teased, mischief in his pale-green eyes. "Can I open it now?"

Shepard rolled his eyes, "No, you can't open it now."

"Meanie!" Aaron whined as he stuck his tongue out at his beautiful blue-eyed friend.

"I swear, you act like you're five instead of twenty," Shepard teased.

"To be fair, I'm not twenty yet," Aaron retorted, "I have two days yet."

"So, what are you doing for your big day?" Shepard asked, moving to kiss Aaron on the neck. "Any special plans?"

"Not really," Aaron answered with a moan as Shepard suckled his neck, "Pretty sure Elise is throwing me a party."

Shepard froze as he lifted his head from Aaron's neck. "Oh… I guess I'll see you the day after. We can celebrate then, yeah."

"What?" Aaron asked, completely confused by the comment. "What are you talking about? You know you're invited."

Shepard sighed heavily, "No, Aaron, I'm not. I won't be. Elise won't invite me. She hates me."

Aaron furrowed his brow, "Well… **I'm** inviting you. Just show up at my place around 7 p.m."

Shepard shook his head, "I don't know, Aaron. I mean, what's the point? Elise is just going to occupy all of your time anyway."

"Maybe." Aaron spoke in a determined tone, "But it's **MY** birthday, and I won't be happy unless I see you, J. Even if it's only for a second. We can still go out the next day— Please, J."

"We'll definitely go out the day after?" Shepard asked, wanting to be sure.

"Definitely," Aaron promised with a kiss.

"Okay then," Shepard caved, "I'll be at your party, even if Elise doesn't invite me."

"That's my J!"

**~~~☆~~~**

**Two days later —**

Shepard spent two hours trying to decide what to wear. Aaron's birthday was a big deal, and Shepard wanted to look nice for the green-eyed beauty.

He eventually settled on a black long-sleeved, form-fitting shirt with a long red stripe down the shoulders and arms. The red outlined in white, causing the colour to pop. It was a shirt he knew Aaron would like.

As for pants, Shepard decided on black, skinny-jeans with a regular black belt. Nothing special, just simple. Shepard liked simple. He also decided on a pair of black Converse high-tops with red trim and white soles.

"Good enough," Shepard said to himself as he grabbed his wallet, keys, and black leather jacket, checking to make sure Aaron's gift was securely in his pocket. 

"Hope Aaron likes it," Shepard whispered as he took one last look in the mirror.

"I'm sure he'll love it." Shepard jumped at the sound of his mother's voice.

"Jeez, Mom! Are you trying to kill me?" Shepard asked with his hand over his heart.

Kahlee laughed a bit at his expense. "So… I take it you and Aaron are close?"

Shepard's eyebrow raised at the question. "Um… Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"So, does he have anyone special in his life? Like a lady friend, perhaps?" Kahlee asked, eyes glittering back at him.

"Um… Yeah, he has a girlfriend. Elise," Shepard answered truthfully, nodding his head.

Kahlee's smile turned to a frown. "A girlfriend, huh?"

Shepard sighed, "Dad told you about me." It wasn't a question.

Kahlee nodded her head gently. "You could have told me."

Shepard laughed. "I never even told him. I just figured he'd catch it on his own. You know what I mean?"

"Sure," Kahlee nodded in understanding. "It’s okay, you know… to be gay."

Shepard chuckled, "I know."

"So, do you see Aaron as more than just a friend?" His mother asked as she gently moved a stray dark-blonde hair from her son’s too-blue eyes.

"Yeah, I guess I do," Shepard admitted. "It doesn't matter, though."

"Maybe he feels the same about you," Kahlee replied, her smile warm and supportive.

"I wish," Shepard whispered, a hopeful look in his sapphire eyes.

Kahlee decided to ask the question everyone always asked, "When did you know?"

Shepard shrugged, "My whole life, I guess. I never really questioned it. It's just a part of who I am."

"I like who you are," Kahlee smiled, "Wait… I **LOVE** who you are."

Shepard smiled at her, "Thanks, Mom. It means a lot, you know."

"Have fun tonight." She winked, "But not too much fun."

Shepard laughed. "I play safe, Mom. Don’t worry."

Kahlee paled at her son’s words before turning a glorious shade of red. "O-Of course you do," She stammered.

Shepard laughed loudly as he kissed her cheek and rushed out of the house.

"My son has sex… with guys…" Kahlee pondered, trying her best to process the information.

'Of course, it's with guys, Kahlee — he's gay! Get it together…' She argued with herself.

"But he's only sixteen."

'What were you doing at sixteen?' Kahlee laughed at the thought.

"Don't be a hypocrite, Kahlee. As long as he's safe, it's okay. It's fine…"

'I need to talk to David…'

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard arrived outside Aaron's at around 7:30 p.m. "Fashionably late."

_'Spoken like a true gay.'_ The voice teased.

"Please just shut up. For one fucking night, just be quiet." Shepard waited for a reply in his head, receiving none, he sighed in relief and entered the building.

The small apartment was packed full of people. The sound of Aaron's stereo pounding throughout the apartment as the crowd partied all around him. Shepard looked around, trying his best to find Aaron or, at least, to find someone he knew and actually liked. Out of all the people in the room, Shepard only noticed one that he knew, Aaron's older sister, Allie.

"Hey, Allie." Shepard greeted her with a smile. "Remember me?" 

It had been years since they had last seen one another, but Shepard had recognized her immediately. With her long black hair and bright-green eyes, she was the spitting image of Aaron.

"Um…" Allie stared at him for a few seconds before her bright-green eyes lit up in recognition. "Shepard?"

"Yep, it's me," Shepard grinned as Allie pulled him into a tight hug.

"Little Shepard! All grown up. Look at you!" Allie grinned, licking her lips as she took in the sight of him.

"Yeah, not so little anymore." Shepard laughed.

"Hell no, you're not!" She exclaimed as her hands traveled down his well-muscled chest, coming to rest on his belt. "I should kick Aaron's ass for not re-introducing us sooner."

Shepard grinned as Allie tugged a little on his belt. The girl had never been shy.

"You are hot as hell," Allie stated, obviously a little tipsy already.

"Well, thank you." Shepard chuckled. "How long have you been drinking?"

"Since I was like fifteen, why?" Allie chuckled.

Shepard shook his head in amusement. "No… I meant tonight. What time did you start drinking tonight?"

"Um… I dunno — Like four, or something like that." Allie moved closer to Shepard, eventually wrapping her arms around his narrow waist, and reaching down to squeeze his ass.

"Well, I think you might have had enough," Shepard informed her as he removed her hands from his ass. 

"Oh, come on!" Allie whined, "I'm not drunk. Tipsy maybe, but not drunk. You're legal, right?"

"Uh… Yeah, I'm legal. But you're not exactly my type." Shepard grinned.

"Honey, I'm everybody's type." She laughed as she ran her hands up underneath his shirt. "Damn, you're built like a Greek god!"

Shepard smirked as he gently took her hands and tried to lead her away from him. "Why don't I go get you a bottle of water, yeah. It's right over there. I'll be right back."

About that time Aaron and Elise came out of the bedroom— 

Aaron's face was flushed, and he had a light sheen of sweat showing on his face. Looking over to Elise, Shepard noticed the same disheveled state — blonde hair, messy, and face flushed red. The sight caused Shepard's heart to drop — his mood quickly going from eleven to zero, leaving him a bit nauseous.

Elise immediately caught sight of him. Shepard swore that she could pick him out of any crowd. He quickly turned his head, hoping that Elise would let it go — let him go. She did not— 

"What the hell are you doing here, faggot?" Elise asked in a furious tone.

"Aaron asked me to come," Shepard answered truthfully.

"Bullshit! This was a surprise party!" Elise shouted. "Aaron didn't know about it!"

"Yes, he did," Shepard said, anger beginning to bubble within him.

"No, he didn't faggot!" Elise argued as Allie looked back at Shepard.

"You're gay," Allie asked, a look of confusion on her face.

"Yeah, I am," Shepard replied softly. "I tried to tell you before."

"But Aaron's not gay, so, why are you here? I mean, like, why are you friends," Allie asked, still utterly confused.

Shepard said nothing, just clenched his jaw, and shrugged.

"Good question," Elise said, a satisfied grin on her face. "You should leave, faggot."

"I will. I just want to give Aaron his present, and I'm gone." Shepard agreed, too tired to deal with her.

"Aaron doesn't need anything from you." Elise snarled.

"Hey, J! You made it." Aaron's voice cut through the music, and the sound made Shepard smile.

"Aaron, you invited him!?" Elise was livid. "Why would you do that!? He's trouble, Aaron. He always has been!"

"Calm down, Elise. You're overreacting," Aaron laughed as he put his hand on Shepard's shoulder.

In that instant, one of Aaron's old hockey buddies, Greg Gagnon, grabbed Shepard hard by the arm. "I think you were told to leave, faggot," he threatened, winking at Elise.

"Look, I don't want trouble, but I recommend you step the fuck back," Shepard warned, his anger beginning to boil over. "I'm tired, and I'm not in the mood for your shit."

_'Knock his ass out! You know he deserves it!'_

"Oh, really, what are you gonna do if I don't?" The man was up in Shepard's face, causing Shepard to clench and unclench his fist in anticipation of a fight.

"Dude, stop. Let it go." Aaron interrupted, trying to calm everyone down. "Why don't we all just calm down, relax, and have fun, yeah."

The second those words left the green-eyed man's mouth, Greg pushed him violently, causing Aaron to stumble, and Shepard just snapped.

Shepard was on the man in seconds, punching the living daylights out of him. "Don't you touch him! No one has the right to touch him!"

Shepard was lost in rage-fueled adrenaline, unable to hear anything beyond the sound of his own heart beating in his ears.

" **J, STOP IT!** Get off him! **NOW!** " Aaron's voice finally cut through the fog as hazy blue eyes sought out clear green.

"Aaron?" Shepard looked down at the bloody mess of a man below him. "I-I'm sorry… I…"

"What the hell, J!?" Aaron asked in a rage. "Just stop it! You always do this! I'm so fucking tired of it! Just get out!"

"Aaron… I… I'm sorry," Shepard pleaded, tears in his eyes. "He pushed you and I… I just wanted to protect you."

"Protect me!?" Aaron yelled, "Look at him, J! That’s way beyond 'protecting'. Just go — Seriously, go. Get out and don't come back."

Shepard's eyes began to sting as he reached into his jacket and pulled out a long narrow box, gift wrapped in silver. "Here."

"I don’t want it…" Aaron stated, unable to look his J in the eyes.

"Take it… Please." Shepard insisted, voice cracking.

"He doesn't want it, faggot!" Elise snapped.

Shepard put his hand in her face to silence her. "Please, Aaron, take it. I got it for you. You can do whatever you want with it, but please, just take it."

Aaron eventually gave in, and took the silver box, placing it in his back pocket.

"Goodbye, Aaron… Sorry. I won't bother you ever again," Shepard whispered as he left the small apartment.

"See, Aaron! This is why I didn't want to invite him," Elise explained, kissing Aaron's jawline as she spoke, "He's a total psycho! Completely obsessed with you. It's creepy."

"Yeah…" Aaron agreed, numb to the core — knowing he had broken something beautiful and was lost as to how to fix it. "Are you okay, Greg?"

"That fucking psycho broke my friggin' nose," Greg replied in pain.

"Can one of you guys take him to the hospital?" Aaron asked as he helped the bloodied man up.

"I'll be alright. I just need to go get cleaned up," Greg insisted. "Yo, Shayna, care to help your big brother out?"

"Sure," Shayna said as she helped her twin brother to the washroom.

"Everyone continue as you were. The psycho is gone, so let's party!" Elise announced as she grabbed Aaron and led him back to the bedroom. "Let's go, baby."

"Sure…" Aaron was truly lost.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard barely made it outside the apartment complex when he broke down, punching the brick with his fist until he heard the bone snap.

He was unable to stop the flow of tears — yet unable to feel the pain of the break — the only thing the blue-eyed teen **could** feel was the pain in his chest whenever he tried to breathe.

_'Fuck him! You don't need him. How dare he throw you away!? You were only trying to protect his sorry ass. You deserve better than that ungrateful twat!'_ The voice was louder and angrier than usual, and it was making Shepard sick.

"I don't **WANT** better! I **WANT** Aaron! I need him!"

_'Stop your crying, you pussy! It's embarrassing! He chose that cunt over you, just like you always knew he would. Just let him go.'_

"Shut up! Just shut up and leave me alone!" Shepard screamed.

"Mister… Are you okay?" A small voice asked as Shepard struggled to focus on the source.

It was a small girl with dark skin, straight black hair, and stunning light-grey eyes. Shepard thought she looked like an angel.

"Are you okay?" She asked again. "You look hurt. Do you need help?"

Shepard slumped against the wall, allowing himself to slide down until his ass hit the pavement.

"Maybe…" He replied as he tried to dry his eyes. "I'm not sure."

"Wanna use my phone?" The little girl asked, offering him her toy cell phone.

Shepard smiled gently at the little angel, "No, thanks. I have one." The blue-eyed teen replied as he showed her his phone.

"You should get your hand fixed," She suggested, pointing to his swollen and bloodied left hand.

"Yeah, I probably should." Shepard chuckled despite himself. "How old are you?"

"I'm five," She answered, showing five fingers. "How old are you?"

"I'm sixteen, but I feel like I'm eighty," Shepard replied, tired and worn out.

"Where's your mommy?" The little girl asked.

"Well, I'm not sure," Shepard answered truthfully. "I've never met my real mom. She didn't want me."

"Why?" The little girl asked in a sad voice.

Shepard thought for a second, "I don't know. Maybe I was just born broken."

The little angel furrowed her brow as if she were trying to understand his meaning. "She was a bad mommy. Mommies fix broken things, not throw them away."

Shepard's blue eyes grew wide at the little girl's reply. "Yeah, my new mom is like that. She tries to fix things."

"My mommy was a good mommy, but she died." The little girl's voice was sad as she spoke.

"I-I'm sorry to hear that." Shepard's words were soft and full of sympathy.

"What about your daddy?" The little girl asked.

"I never had one," Shepard answered truthfully. "Well, until recently, anyway. My foster dad is nice, though."

"My daddy is a bad man," The little girl replied. "He's mean when he drinks."

"He drinks a lot?" Shepard asked, feeling sorry for the little angel.

The little girl nodded when Shepard heard a man call out.

"Hailey, come here, right now!" A brown-haired man with glassy grey eyes called out as he staggered out of the bar next door.

"That's my daddy. I should go." The little girl leaned down and kissed Shepard on the cheek, startling him.

"What was that for?" Shepard asked softly, placing his hand over the spot where the tiny girl had kissed him.

"You look sad. That might help. Mommy used to do that when I was sad," the little girl explained with a bright smile. "I hope your hand gets better. Bye."

Shepard watched as the little girl waved her hand and made her way back to her father. "Thank you, Hailey," Shepard whispered to himself, "Maybe you really are an angel."

After a long while, Shepard looked down at his swollen hand. "I guess I better go to the emergency room and get this fixed. It's going to be a long night."

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is taking the time to read this. I appreciate it so much.


	7. No More Pretending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron searches for forgiveness...  
> Shepard and Aaron get inked...

Aaron woke the next morning feeling empty. He rolled over to look at the body lying next to him. It was Elise, the woman he was supposed to love and adore. The only problem was, he hated her. He hated every single thing about her, from her fake blonde hair to her shallow personality — Aaron hated it all. 

The only person that Aaron had ever truly adored had been his J, and he had ruined it all in one lousy argument during a party full of people that he didn't know or like. They were all strangers to Aaron now. 

The only reason they were even considered friends was because of their friendship with Elise. She still hung out with them, always making excuses as to why Aaron wasn't there with her. 'He's not feeling well.' 'He needs to study.' 'He's busy with a project.' Never once telling them the truth, that Aaron just didn’t want to be around any of them anymore. High school was over, and Aaron had grown up and moved on.

Maybe Elise was in denial too. Maybe she honestly thought he would one day become friends with all of them again. Aaron was sure of one thing: He was done with the lies and fake smiles. He was tired of being fake, and of living a lie.

Aaron sighed a heavy sigh and noticed the silver wrapped gift box Shepard had placed in his hand the night before. Picking it up, Aaron slowly opened the box.

His breath hitched as his pale-green eyes filled with tears. It was the silver chain that Aaron had been admiring the day he and Shepard had picked up Shepard's bike. Under the necklace was a note written in red, 'I'm not very good with words, Aaron. You know that. So, I'll just say it. Simple and clean. I fucking love you, Aaron Hayes. I always have, and I always will. Forever your J.'

Aaron wiped his eyes, and put the chain around his neck, kissing the cool metal once it was in place.

"Elise, get up…" Aaron turned to shake his girlfriend awake. "Elise, get up! NOW!"

"What?" Elise groaned as Aaron continued to shake her. "What is it, baby? You wanna go again?"

Aaron rolled his eyes. "No. I want you to get your ass up."

"Why?" Elise rose up in the bed, glaring a hole through Aaron.

"I'm done, Elise. I can't do this anymore." Aaron whispered, "I don't love you… Hell, I've never loved you. The one person in this whole goddamn world that makes me happy is probably never gonna speak to me again. So, yeah — get your shit and get out."

"What the hell are you saying?" Elise asked quietly, a hint of shock in her voice.

"Get the hell out! I mean it!" Aaron yelled. "I'm so sick of you. All you ever do is pick at my J. If you'd have kept your fucking mouth shut, what happened last night wouldn't have happened. Everything was cool until you set-in on him."

"Wait, so that's what this is about…" Elise shook her head in disbelief, "That faggot?"

" **DON'T**!  Don't you dare call him that!" Aaron grabbed Elise roughly by the arm, shaking her as if to prove a point. "You have no right to call him that! He's the most amazing person I've ever known — And— And I love him!"

Elise's eyes grew wide in shock. "You…  **love** him? Like,  **'LOVE'** love him?"

Aaron laughed hard as he spoke. "Yes… Yes, Elise, that's right. I  **'LOVE'** love him. I'm a faggot too. Happy? Oh, and by the way, we've been fucking for close to a year now, so— yeah, great perception you have there."

Elise slapped Aaron hard across the face.

"Okay, I deserved that," Aaron admitted as he composed himself. "The point is, I don't love you, Elise… I never did. Hell, I don't even like you."

"How could you do this to me!?" Elise screamed, rage obvious in her tone. "This was all his doing, wasn't it? That faggot made you gay!"

"What the hell are you saying?" Aaron asked, shaking his head in disbelief at her stupidity. "J didn't make me gay, Elise. I just fell in love with him. It would have happened no matter what — whether he was male or female."

"So, you're not actually gay… Then that's proof he did  **SOMETHING** to you." Elise was frantic.

"No, Elise. I'm bisexual, I guess." Aaron sighed, how was he supposed to explain that he just wanted one man, and that man was Shepard. "It's not important. Just get your shit and get out. I'm gonna go find J. Have your shit out of here by the time I get back. Anything you leave behind goes in the trash. And don't even think about trashing my apartment. If you touch any of my things, I'm calling the cops."

"Bastard!" Elise yelled, throwing the alarm clock at him. "Your mom is going to kill you! I can't wait to tell her!"

"Yeah, she probably will, and I don't really give a fuck." Aaron laughed as he exited the bedroom, feeling lighter than he had in years.

**~~~☆~~~**

"What the hell happened to your hand?" Kahlee asked, surprised to see her son sporting a splint on the last two fingers of his left hand.

"What, this?" Shepard asked, lifting the wounded hand.

"Yes, that!" Kahlee rolled her eyes at the teen as she made her way over to inspect his hand.

"I hit a wall," Shepard answered truthfully.

"Why on earth would you do that?" Kahlee asked, brow furrowing in concern.

"Last night didn't go so well," Shepard shrugged, his voice barely a whisper.

"What happened?" Kahlee asked with a sympathetic look on her face.

"I just fucked up… Like I always do." Shepard laughed a sad, bitter laugh. "I don't really want to talk about it."

Kahlee was about to scold him for his language but figured he was in enough pain already.

"What's the damage?" Kahlee asked, her ice-blue eyes shifting to his bruised hand.

"Ah, it's nothing, really. Should be good as new in a couple of weeks." The blue-eyed teen shrugged.

"Good morning, everyone." Anderson greeted as he made his way into the kitchen. "What's with the hand?"

"He broke it last night, apparently," Kahlee informed him.

"Fractured, actually. Not a complete break," Shepard corrected. "It'll be fine. I heal fast."

"Hit a brick wall again?" Anderson grinned, shaking his head at his son.

Shepard grinned back at his father, "Yep."

"Really, David? You shouldn't encourage him," Kahlee scolded as she poured his coffee.

"I'm not encouraging it," Anderson clarified, "I just understand how he works."

"Well, I'm not very hungry. So, I'm just gonna go work on my bike," Shepard said, wanting to flee the room before even more questions were asked.

"You're not going to meet Aaron?" Anderson asked, causing Shepard to freeze in his tracks.

Shaking his head slowly, Shepard replied quietly, "No. Aaron — he don’t want to see me no more.”

Anderson and Kahlee's eyes grew wide. Anderson's heart dropped as he immediately regretted asking the question. "I'm sorry, Son. I know you two were close."

"Don't worry about it," Shepard said quietly as he walked out the door towards the garage.

Anderson sighed heavily. "That's too bad. He really liked Aaron. Did he tell you what happened?"

Kahlee shook her head, "No, he just said he messed up last night. I wanted to ask more, but he said he didn't want to talk about it."

"Hn. Sounds like him." Anderson’s face was full of worry. "I really hope that he'll be able to get over this. Aaron's been a part of Shepard's life since he was six years old. He adores that young man."

**BUZZ— BUZZ— BUZZ—**

"Who could that be at this time of the morning?" Kahlee grumbled as she made her way to the front door.

"May I help you?" Kahlee asked as she stared at the unfamiliar young man standing in front of her.

"Um, I hope so, ma'am. I'm looking for J, er, I mean, Shepard. Is he here?" The young man asked, voice clear and confident.

"Aaron," Anderson called as he caught sight of the dark-haired man.

"Aaron?" Kahlee repeated, eyes going wide in realization. "Oh, I've heard so much about you. Please, come in," Kahlee said, motioning for him to enter.

"Thank you, ma'am," Aaron smiled as he entered the house. "May I please speak to J? It's extremely important that I see him."

"Oh… Yes, of course." Kahlee smiled. "David, can you go get him?"

"Of course." Anderson nodded. "Excuse me."

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard was in the garage, earbuds in, trying to loosen a stubborn bolt when his right hand slid and hit a sharp piece of metal, slicing the top of his hand.

"Motherfucker!" Shepard yelled as he threw the socket wrench violently against the garage wall.

"Son, are you okay?" Anderson asked, concerned for his son.

"Cut my fucking hand!" Shepard seethed as he stormed towards the side door and into the house.

Anderson sighed and followed his son.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard made his way to his bedroom in search of bandages for his hand. He made it to the large closet and began searching for the first aid kit.

"This closet is too goddamn big!" Shepard yelled, anger bubbling until he was tearing the closet apart.

"Son. Son, stop!" Anderson yelled, trying to get his son to listen.

**~~~☆~~~**

"What is that!?" Kahlee jumped in shock at the sound.

"I'll go check, ma'am," Aaron offered with a grin. "Sounds like J's upset. I'll handle it."

"Oh… O-kay," Kahlee replied slowly.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Son! Stop…" Anderson yelled, ducking as a drawer came flying at his head.

"J!" Aaron's voice was deafening, freezing Shepard in his tracks.

Shepard began striking the side of his head. "Aaron's not here! Stop trying to trick me!"

"J… It's me, Aaron," Aaron assured the unstable teen slowly as he made a few steps towards him. "I'm no trick. I'm right here."

"No… No, you're not," Shepard whispered, clenching his eyes shut. "Aaron hates me now." The blue-eyed boy's voice was shaking as the tears threatened to break free.

Aaron finally got close enough to slip his arms around Shepard's waist from behind. "I got you, J. You're okay."

Shepard let out a shaky breath and leaned back into Aaron's embrace.

"I've got him now. You can go," Aaron informed Anderson with a small smile, "He'll be okay."

Anderson stood in shock and awe at how easily Aaron had handled the situation. Shaking himself from his thoughts, Anderson finally replied, "Are you sure?"

"Positive." Aaron smiled, stroking Shepard's dark-blonde hair gently.

Anderson nodded and made his way back to the living room to inform Kahlee that the situation was under control.

**~~~☆~~~**

Once Shepard was calm enough, Aaron turned him around to get a good look at his J. "You okay, baby?"

"What are you doing here? I thought you hated me," Shepard said softly, tears drying on his handsome face.

"No, J. I could never hate you," Aaron explained, hoping it would be enough to fix what he had broken. "I'm so sorry, J. I never meant what I said. I know you were only trying to protect me. And it never would have happened if Elise hadn't started picking at you."

"No. It's my fault! I should be able to control it better. I'm sorry," Shepard apologized. "I understand why you felt that way. I'm not mad at you, Aaron. It's okay, really. You don't have to do this."

"Do what, J? Apologize? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that I do." Aaron laughed a little to try to lighten the mood.

"No!" Shepard sighed in frustration. "You don't have to pretend to like me, Aaron. It's okay. I get it. I'll be okay."

"J," Aaron lifted Shepard's chin so that he could look into those sad blue eyes, "I don't like you…" Shepard's heart sank. "I fucking  **LOVE** you!"

Shepard's eyes grew wide as Aaron kissed him with more passion than Shepard had ever known. It only took a second for Shepard to respond, kissing back with all the love and desperation he felt inside.

When they finally broke apart, Shepard pressed his forehead against Aaron's, closing his eyes as he breathed in the older man's scent.

"What about Elise?" Shepard asked quietly, afraid to hear the answer.

"I told her to get her shit and get out." Aaron chuckled softly. "I finally did it, J. I told her the truth… About you and me, and how I really feel about you. I told her everything."

"Aaron…" Shepard whined then smiled softly. "You didn't have to. I know how your mom is."

"She'll get over it, J," Aaron said, shaking his head, "And if she doesn't, then that's okay too."

"You sure?" Shepard asked, kissing Aaron lightly on the lips.

"Positive." Aaron laughed warmly. "I guess that makes me your 'daddy', huh?"

Shepard broke out laughing. "What the fuck, Aaron? My 'daddy'? Really?"

"Is that not the right slang for an older gay boyfriend?" Aaron grinned playfully as Shepard rolled his eyes in amusement. "I swear, I read that somewhere."

"Whatever, Aaron. Can you just kiss me now?" Shepard grinned his fox-like grin, and Aaron melted, pressing his lips firmly against his J's.

After the kiss, Shepard glanced down and noticed Aaron wearing a familiar silver chain.

"I see you liked your present." Shepard grinned happily.

"I fucking love it! I'm never taking it off." Aaron beamed, pale-green eyes glittering with happiness.

"I'm glad." Shepard’s smile turned shy.

"It's perfect, J. Really, it is." Aaron smiled sincerely. "Now, let me fix your hand… again." Aaron stopped and looked at Shepard's other hand, noting the splint on his fingers. "Oh, J, baby, you didn't?"

"Afraid I did," Shepard replied sheepishly. "It'll be alright, though. It's just a small fracture. Two weeks and I'm good."

"Uh-huh." Aaron's eyes were laughing, but his tone was scolding, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Whatever you want, baby," Shepard teased in a sexy voice that made Aaron moan.

"You're killing me, J!" Aaron groaned. "Let's clean this cut, and go celebrate my twentieth, yeah."

"Hell yeah!" Shepard exclaimed, "I've got the tattoo parlor all picked out!"

Aaron's eyebrow lifted in slight apprehension. "W-Whatever you say, J."

**~~~☆~~~**

"So… what are you getting?" Shepard asked as they scanned the walls of the parlor.

"Um… I want the same script you have — but on my right side, and…" Aaron paused mid-sentence.

"And?" Shepard asked, curious as to what else Aaron wanted.

"And… a 'J' on the inside of my right wrist." Aaron blushed slightly, "If that's okay with you?"

Shepard was speechless, but finally found his words, "Yeah… yeah, that's cool. I'd like that."

"Okay, that's settled," Aaron said, releasing the breath he was holding. "What are you getting?"

"Um… That phoenix you drew for me a while back. I'm getting it on my upper chest, stretching from my right shoulder, over my right pec, with its wing spreading out towards my Omega-Skull tattoo…" Shepard paused then, grinning at Aaron, "I'm getting the name 'Aaron' tattooed on the inside of my left wrist too."

Aaron's grin couldn't get any bigger. "I fuckin' love you, J."

Shepard snorted, "Yeah, well, you better, 'cause I'm getting your fucking name inked on me for life."

Aaron laughed loudly as they made their way to the counter.

**~~~☆~~~**

Aaron's tattoos were completed first, and he had to admit, he liked them. They hurt like hell, but he liked them. He especially liked the beautiful 'J' that was now permanently a part of him, just like the man with the same name. The beautifully elegant red script that formed the letter that Aaron loved above all else, J.

Unable to sit still, Aaron casually walked over to where Shepard was getting inked and planted himself firmly in the seat next to his lover.

"That hurt like hell, J." Aaron pouted.

Shepard laughed, paying no mind to the needle currently making its mark on his well-muscled chest, "You have zero pain tolerance, Aaron."

"Yeah, well…" Aaron snorted as he peeked at the nearly finished artwork on his J's chest. "Looks good."

"Yeah?" Shepard grinned. "He's just doing the red highlights now."

"Yeah. Did you get the wrist tatt yet?" Aaron asked, wanting desperately to see his name on Shepard's flesh, as if it branded the blue-eyed boy as his, for everyone to see.

"Not yet… That's next." Shepard winked as the tattoo artist, Rex, finished with his Phoenix tattoo.

"Ready for the next one?" Rex asked, getting everything ready for the next tattoo.

"Yep," Shepard simply answered as he repositioned himself for the wrist tatt.

"You chose the script, right?" The artist asked, making sure everything was in order.

"That's the one." Shepard nodded as Aaron watched on in a mix of excitement and restlessness. "Calm down, Aaron. I'm the one getting inked. Were you this restless when you got yours?"

"Maybe, a little," Aaron admitted.

Aaron watched the entire process in fascination as his name went from nothing more than a ghost upon Shepard's skin to an inky black brand that would forever tie him to his beautiful J.

"Aaron, are you okay?" Shepard asked in a worried tone. "You're crying."

Aaron could feel the tears dripping down his cheeks. He hadn't realized he had been crying.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just happy, you know." Aaron smiled, wiping his tears away.

Shepard smiled sweetly. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Okay, all done," Rex said with the snap of a latex glove.

"Thanks, man," Shepard replied as he looked at the artist's handiwork in the mirror. "Looks great! You like it, Aaron?"

"I can't believe that's the same sketch I drew over a year ago!" Aaron replied in wonder as he gazed lovingly at his lover's freshly-inked chest.

"Well, I did alter it a bit," Rex stated proudly. "I added some flair and gave it more volume."

"You did a great job. It's absolutely beautiful," Aaron praised.

"I do all of Shepard's tatts," The artist replied with pride. "He's insistent on it."

"Is that so?" Aaron teased, "You do great work."

Rex smiled, "Thank you. Shepard's a great client. I never have to worry about his pain tolerance. He takes the pain like a champ."

"Yeah, my J's tough for sure," Aaron grinned.

"Yo, Rex, have you seen Jack lately?" Shepard asked, curious about his friend.

"You just missed her by a day. She was here yesterday," Rex replied with a smile. "I told her you had an appointment for today. She told me to tell you, hey, and that she needed another one of your shirts."

"Sounds like Jack," Shepard smiled fondly as he spoke. 

"Another one of your shirts? I'm lost, babe," Aaron admitted, slightly jealous of the young woman he had never met.

"She stole my shirt when we first met," Shepard explained, "She used it as a night-shirt."

"Oh. I think I get it now," Aaron grinned.

"Tell her she's welcome to my shirt next time we meet," the blue-eyed teen grinned.

"Will do," Rex assured Shepard with a quick nod. "How do you like the script?"

Shepard looked down at the elegant black script. "It's fucking beautiful! You like it, Aaron?"

"It's perfect, J." Aaron grinned. "How do you like mine?" Aaron asked, showing Shepard a pick of the freshly inked black script on his side. "I would show you the real deal, but I'm all bandaged up."

"Looks good… almost as good as mine. I look forward to seeing it in the flesh," Shepard teased. "Now, let's see the **J.** "

Without a word, Aaron lifted his wrist to show Shepard the red 'J' found there. "What do you think?"

"I think it's beautiful," Shepard said softly as his hand drifted around the fresh tattoo, never quite touching.

"Well, what do I owe you?" Shepard asked with a grin.

"Don't you mean 'we'?" Aaron asked with a chuckle.

"Nope. It's your birthday present, remember," Shepard insisted with a wink.

"But you already got me this necklace," Aaron replied, holding the silver chain between his fingers.

"That was just one of your presents. I got this, so sit your ass down." Shepard demanded in a firm tone.

Aaron did as he was told, and once the bill was settled, they made their way onto the street.

"Ready for your third and final birthday present?" Shepard asked with a sexy grin.

"That depends…" Aaron whispered, pulling the blue-eyed beauty to rest firmly against him. "What's my present?"

"Me," Shepard whispered in a seductive voice.

"Mmm... I can't wait to get you home, so I can unwrap my present." Aaron teased as he squeezed Shepard's ass.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go." Shepard nodded towards Aaron's car.

"Lead the way, baby!" Aaron said, playfully smacking the blue-eyed teen on the ass before following him. 

Aaron couldn't wait to get home.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you are enjoying it so far.


	8. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron bonds with Shepard's family, and Shepard meets Garrus and James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and James finally make their debut appearance.

Shepard and Aaron had spent the next few days practically joined at the hip — neither of them wishing to be apart for more than a few hours at a time.

Everything was going great. Even Anderson and Kahlee liked having Aaron around. The young man's presence seemed to improve Shepard's temper and give him a sense of peace that he just couldn't find on his own.

**~~~☆~~~**

"So, Dad wants you to go with us to help me pick out hockey gear, you know, for the season next year." Shepard shrugged, "I mean, I hope I make the team, but Dad said that even if I didn't, I'd still need new gear."

"What do you mean ' **IF** ' you make the team? I know for a fact, you're gonna make the team. You're too damn good not to. So, don't worry about that, yeah," Aaron assured his lover with a wink. "And as far as the shopping goes… Of course, J." Aaron beamed, "I would love to go with you guys. It'll be fun, eh."

"I **am** gonna miss borrowing your gear, though." Shepard pouted as Aaron bit his full bottom lip.

"I'm sorry. You were saying?" Aaron asked — grinning, wickedly, as he licked his lips.

Shepard rolled his eyes. "I said, I'll miss borrowing your gear. Maybe you can help me practise on the ice instead of, you know, from the stands."

"That'd be cool." Aaron grinned, liking the idea. "I might be a bit rusty, but I think I can manage as long as I guard my ankle."

"Your ankle… I forgot about that." Shepard's smile turned to a frown. "You sure it'll be okay? I know it bothers you sometimes."

"It should be fine, J," Aaron assured him. "As long as it's only practise and pick-up games, I should be good."

"You boys ready?" Anderson asked as he grabbed his keys and walked towards the exit of the house. "Kahlee, are you coming with us?"

"Yeah, I am. Just give me a second," Kahlee yelled back as all three men groaned in unison.

**~~~☆~~~**

Twenty minutes later, they were in the car, and an hour later, they were in the sporting goods store— 

Anderson had allowed Aaron to pick the best gear available for his son, sparing no expense — his son's safety was what was most important after all.

As predicted, Shepard bitched about the price, and swore to pay his parents back for the gear. In the end, all Shepard really had control over was the colour of things and input on comfort. Everything else was up to Aaron and his parents.

While they were waiting for Shepard's new skates to bake, Anderson and Shepard decided to look over some of the NHL gear the store had on display, while Kahlee and Aaron decided to sit on a bench to chat.

"So, Aaron," Kahlee began, smiling at the young man before her, "What are you studying in college? What's your major?"

Aaron smiled brightly, obviously eager to tell her. "I'm studying Psychology. I'm going into the mental health field. I haven't decided on an exact branch yet."

"Oh, I guess that explains why you can handle John so well," Kahlee winced at her poor choice of words, "That sounded better in my head."

"It's alright," Aaron said with a chuckle. "J's actually the reason I decided to go into the psychiatric field of study. He's such a brilliant person, but no one sees it because they're so hung up on his mental issues. Even J doubts himself because of it."

"David and I have noticed him talking to himself. Well, talking isn't quite the right word," Kahlee's eyes grew sadder as she spoke, "More like arguing with himself."

"J does that a lot. Ever since I've known him, actually," Aaron’s voice was clear and calm with no hint of sadness or fear. 

"So, he does hear voices?" Kahlee asked, turning her gaze to her feet.

"Well, usually, he just hears one voice. He only hears multiple voices when he's having, or about to have an episode," Aaron explained, "From my experience, the main voice J hears is sort of like another person living inside him. It's like two people sharing a single body. The others that manifest during an episode are the ones that worry me. They're just invaders trying to hurt and control my J. That's why his medication is so vital."

"Doesn't that frighten you?" Kahlee asked, ashamed to admit that she, herself, was often frightened by the troubled teen.

"Not at all," Aaron answered without missing a beat. "I know my J is in there, and I know all I have to do is get him to breathe. That usually brings him back to me."

"Get him to breathe?" Kahlee asked, confused by the meaning.

"It's just something between the two of us." Aaron grinned. "Hard to explain to anyone else."

"I understand," Kahlee nodded.

"Please don't be afraid of him," Aaron pleaded, grasping Kahlee's hand and squeezing it gently. "He won't hurt you, and just know in your heart that he will breathe, just give him space and time."

Kahlee was confused by Aaron's words but also found a strange comfort in them.

"We're back," Anderson announced with bags full of what looked like official NHL merchandise.

"What's all that for?" Kahlee asked, pointing at the bags.

"We can't cheer on our very own Vancouver Canucks without wearing some official gear now, can we? Besides, it was on sale," Anderson replied with a proud grin.

Aaron grinned and looked over to Shepard, eyes questioning the blue-eyed teen.

"Apparently, Dad wants the family to wear matching jerseys in support of the 'Nucks." Shepard shrugged, "So, yeah…"

"Oh, David! I love it!" Kahlee beamed as she held her brand-new jersey to her chest. 

"It looks good on you, baby," Anderson grinned as he handed a jersey to Aaron, " This one's for you — number 22, Daniel Sedin."

Shepard grinned at Aaron when he spoke, "I thought you could use one too."

Aaron smiled appreciatively at the blue-eyed teen. "Thanks, I love it, yeah. Did you get one with Henrik's number, J?"

"Yep. Number 33," Shepard grinned as he winked at his green-eyed lover. 

"Are we ready to go now?" Kahlee asked as Aaron and Shepard collected the skates from the cashier.

"Yep, I think we have everything we need," Anderson answered with a smile on his face.

"You practically bought out the store," Shepard teased.

"Anything for my favourite son," Anderson teased as he slapped his son on the right shoulder, causing the teen to wince.

"Careful, Dad. New tattoo…" Shepard groaned. "I'm your **ONLY** son, by the way."

Anderson laughed as Kahlee glared. "What is this about a tattoo?" Kahlee asked.

"Mom, you know I have tattoos," Shepard whined.

"I'm not angry that you got another one. I'm angry that I haven't seen it yet!" Kahlee whined as Anderson laughed.

"You have the coolest parents ever, J," Aaron whispered.

"Damn right, I do," Shepard agreed with a crooked grin as they made their way out of the store.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Aaron, thank you so much for helping us today," Kahlee said with a warm smile. "John, you can go over to Aaron's tonight if you want. As long as you're — um, careful." Kahlee's face turned an impressive shade of red as she spoke. "Anyway, love you, sweetheart. See you in the morning."

"Love you too, Mom," Shepard replied, kissing her on the cheek.

"Be good, Son," Anderson grinned as he hugged his son, and kissed his cheek. "Love you."

"I will, Dad. Love you too."

"Have a good night. Drive safe, Aaron," Anderson replied.

"He'll be safe with me, sir," Aaron assured.

"He better be," Anderson warned, waving as he entered the house.

"Well, that was fun," Aaron grinned.

"Yep, so… what are we gonna do?" Shepard asked, reaching over to play with the silver necklace around Aaron's neck.

"Hmm… How about we go to my apartment, and I fuck you silly," Aaron practically purred.

"Sounds good to me!" Shepard grinned, counting the seconds until they were safe in Aaron's bed.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Aaron, wake up!" Shepard demanded, pulling the covers off his lover's naked body.

"I'm up, baby…" Aaron bolted up, trying to get his eyes to focus. "What's wrong?"

Shepard laughed loudly. "Nothing's wrong, dumbass! We're going to go play hockey with some guys from my school."

Aaron wiped the sleep from his eyes. "Do you know any of these kids?"

"Of course not! I don't start school until next term," Shepard explained, "Dad knows someone from his work that has a son my age, who goes to my school and plays on the same team that I might be playing on, so…"

"He thought you needed a friend before you started school," Aaron finished the sentence for Shepard.

"I guess," Shepard shrugged. "There's no guarantee I'll get along with him, though."

"Give it a chance, J," Aaron encouraged his blue-eyed lover with a smile and a peck on the lips.

Shepard sighed as he spoke, "Fine… You win, I’ll try."

"That's my J," Aaron teased while he slapped Shepard hard across the ass.

"Ow… Asshole!" Shepard whined.

"You love it!" Aaron grinned as he got up to get dressed, with Shepard following suit.

**~~~☆~~~**

"This is Garrus Vakarian," Anderson said as he motioned towards the extremely tall teen standing next to him.

"Garrus, this is my son, Shepard," Anderson said as he introduced Shepard to the tall teen.

"Pleased to meet you," Garrus greeted Shepard with a warm smile as he extended his hand.

"Likewise," Shepard replied, shaking the teen's hand.

Garrus Vakarian was, by far, the tallest person that Shepard had ever met. Standing nearly 7' tall, he towered over everyone in the room. While he was extremely tall, he wasn't the least bit imposing — at least not to Shepard. He wasn't muscled like Shepard, in fact, he was skinny as all hell, but he had broad shoulders, which managed to give him a wider appearance overall. 

His hair was light-brown, styled in an odd fashion — long spikes sticking out the back of his head. His eyes were blue-green in colour. His face was pleasant. The only real flaw Shepard could see was a large scar that traced the right side of his jawline. Handsome indeed, not Shepard's type, but attractive, nonetheless.

"This is Aaron," Shepard smiled as he introduced his boyfriend to Garrus. "He'll be playing with us today if that's alright."

"That's fine. The more, the merrier," Garrus smiled as he shook Aaron's hand. 

"So, you're number 07 with a zero in front, and Shepard's number 7… Yeah, that's not confusing at all," Garrus teased as he noticed the quasi matching jersey numbers.

"It's a long story," Aaron grinned. "Will that be a problem?" 

"Nah, it should be fine," Garrus assured the green-eyed man.

"Yo — Scars! What's up with the new guys? You gonna introduce us or what?" A voice rang out from behind where Garrus was standing.

"This, very loud gentleman, is James Vega," Garrus announced as he motioned to the huge mountain of muscle now standing beside him.

"Hey," Vega replied with a nod.

"Hey," Aaron and Shepard replied in unison.

Vega was absolutely the biggest, most well-muscled guy Shepard had ever seen. The kid was a wall of pure muscle. Latin from the look of him, he had light-brown eyes with flecks of green that made them look absolutely stunning in the light. He had a warm smile and dark, short-cropped hair. Overall, he was a very handsome young man.

"He won't be playing with us," Garrus informed the two newcomers. "He's from Southern California, so he's a mess on the ice. Instead of playing, he's here to watch 'cause he has nothing better to do with his life. Am I right, Jimmy," Garrus teased.

"Whatever, Scars," James replied as he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"We'll be playing against kids from a rival school, but it's not for keeps," Garrus explained, "So, don't play too hard."

"Understood." Shepard nodded as Aaron did the same.

**~~~☆~~~**

Overall, the pick-up game went well. The players all seemed to be impressed with Shepard's prowess on the ice, making Aaron beam with pride. Shepard had taken a few hard hits during the game, causing both Aaron and Garrus to wince, but Shepard, being Shepard, just laughed it off saying, 'You'll have to do better than that, boys,' as he continued on like he hadn't felt a thing.

"Loco! You are completely loco!" James informed Shepard as they made their way out of the building.

Shepard just laughed. "Whatever, dude. I was just playing like I always do."

"Well, it was damn impressive," Garrus praised while slapping James hard on the back of the head.

"What the hell was that for!?" James asked, rubbing his head in pain.

"Just keeping you sharp, Jimmy." Garrus laughed.

"Well, Loco, I gotta get going," James said while striking Garrus hard on the back of the head, "Later, Scars!"

"Bitch!" Garrus squealed as he flipped James off.

"Nice to meet you, Aaron," James yelled as he made his way to his car.

"Nice to meet you too, James," Aaron yelled back as James peeled out of the parking lot.

"Well, I have to wait for my dad to finish talking to your dad before I can go," Garrus explained.

"Yeah, I need to go tell my dad goodbye," Shepard said before turning to Aaron, "Can you wait for me?"

"Always," Aaron grinned as Shepard jogged towards the door.

"So, how long have you and Shepard known each other?" Garrus asked, trying to fill the silence.

"About ten years now," Aaron replied with a smile.

"He seems like a good guy," Garrus said, smiling back at Aaron.

"The best," Aaron replied just as Shepard appeared beside them.

"We're good to go," Shepard said, smiling at Aaron before turning his attention to Garrus. "Nice meeting you, Garrus. I had fun."

"Me too," Garrus replied with a grin. "Here, let me give you my number in case you want to play another game of hockey, or just to hang out or something."

Shepard looked at Aaron, who just smiled and nodded. "Okay, let me give you mine too."

Once the numbers were exchanged, Garrus watched as Shepard and Aaron made their way towards Aaron's car, eyes going wide with shock when he saw the two of them kiss.

"Huh — I would never have guessed that," Garrus thought out loud, "They don't seem like the gay type."

"Ready to go, Son?" Garrus' father's voice rang out, loud enough to shake him from his thoughts.

"Sure, Dad," Garrus replied as he walked towards the car.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this revised version. I hope you are enjoying it.


	9. Hailey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard meets the little angel once again.

"J, baby — wake up," Aaron whispered, shaking his lover lightly.

"Hmm…" Shepard mumbled as he opened his sleep-filled blue eyes, "I'm up."

"Sure you are," Aaron chuckled. "You're going to be late, baby. You need to get up."

"Late for what?" Shepard asked, confused by Aaron's words.

"You're supposed to meet Garrus and James, remember?" Aaron reminded him with a kiss.

"Shit, I forgot," Shepard admitted as he rubbed his face.

_'Why bother? They won't want anything to do with you. As soon as they find out what you are, they'll hate you. You were a **mistake**! What _ _makes you think anything will change?'_ The spectre of the blue-eyed teen's mother returned, once again, to throw Shepard off-balance.

'Why are you back!? Why won't you leave me be?'

_'Aw… Did my darling child miss me? I bore you, demon! You can never be rid of me. No matter how much you wish for it. No matter how many pills you take, I will always be there. You can't escape me. Only in death will you be free.’_ The spectre laughed.

"Shit. Shut up. Please, just shut up. I don't need this shit today," Shepard growled as he hit the side of his head, trying to regain some form of clarity.

"You okay, J," Aaron asked, concern for his lover obvious in his pale-green eyes. "Tell me what's going on, eh."

Shepard just shook his head, "I'll be fine. I just — I know it's gonna be a bad day. She's here, Aaron. I see her. She's already in my head. All the anger, all the hate — I can already feel it festering inside."

"Just breathe, J," Aaron whispered as he stroked Shepard's hair softly. "That's all you have to do… Just breathe. Clear your mind, shut her out, and just breathe. You are in control, J. Not her."

"I know, Aaron, but it's so damn hard to do that unless you're with me, you know." Shepard’s piercing blue eyes were full of fear and self-doubt. "She drowns out everything, even my inner voice. I feel sick just thinking about her."

"I wish I could be with you today, baby, but I have class." Aaron’s heart was breaking, but he had faith in Shepard, in his J. "You'll be fine, J. Just remember to breathe, and if you can't, call me."

"Okay… okay, I can do this," Shepard smiled weakly, kissing Aaron as he began getting dressed.

_'Why do you live? You shouldn't exist. You are nothing more than a demon. A demon that ruins the lives of everyone you touch!'_ The spectre sounded truly disgusted. _'One day, he'll be gone, and it will be all your fault!'_

" **SHUT UP!** Aaron isn't going anywhere! Go away, and leave me alone!" Shepard yelled as he threw the belt he was holding hard across the room, trying his best to hit the spectre that haunted him mercilessly. 

Aaron quickly grabbed Shepard from behind and gently whispered into his ear, "J, it's me… It's Aaron. She's not real, baby. I promise you; there's nothing there. Breathe for me, J. Please… Just breathe."

Shepard panicked as he turned to look at his love, "She said that you weren't always going to be here, Aaron. She said that you were going to go away and that it would be all my fault." Shepard sobbed, "Please, don't leave me, Aaron."

"J, baby, listen to me very carefully," Aaron took Shepard's face into his hands as he spoke, "I am not going anywhere. Do you hear me? And even if I'm not physically by your side, I am still with you. I'm in here, J," Aaron whispered as he placed his hand over Shepard's heart. "I'm always with you. So, take a deep breath and just breathe."

Shepard did as he was told, and, eventually, the spectre faded, and his head became blissfully quiet.

"You ready to go?" Aaron asked, not wanting to rush his lover, but not looking forward to missing his class. "I gotta get going, but I don't want to leave you if you're not feeling right."

"I'm okay. I just texted Garrus and told him I was on my way," Shepard smiled a reassuring smile as he quickly took his much-needed medication.

Aaron's eyes lit up. "That's great, J. Tell you what, why don't you get your friends to come back here tonight, and we'll all go out and grab some dinner?"

Shepard grinned his usual lopsided grin. "Sure. I'd like that."

Shepard got up and walked his green-eyed lover out of the building.

"Love you, baby," Aaron smiled as he kissed Shepard — Shepard kissing him back once more before going their separate ways.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard had a great time with his new— friends? Shepard supposed that's what they were. They seemed comfortable enough with each other anyway.

"So, Shepard, if we go out to dinner with you and Aaron, are we going to be forced to watch you two make-out all night," Garrus teased as Shepard tensed up.

"How did you…" Shepard asked nervously. "I mean, I'm not ashamed of it or anything. But, well, I never told you."

"Relax, Shepard. It's cool," Garrus assured him with a slap on the shoulder. "I saw the two of you kissing after the hockey game."

"Oh, I didn't realize," Shepard shrugged. "Is it going to be a problem?"

"Not for me. You seem like a cool guy. Who cares who you fuck?" Garrus chuckled. "How 'bout you, Jimmy? Does it bother you?"

"Are you sure you're — you know… like that," James struggled with his words, "I mean, it's cool. I have a friend like you, but you just don't seem, um…"

"Gay," Shepard finished the sentence for him. "The word is gay, James. And yes, I'm sure."

"You're just so… manly. Know what I mean, Loco?" James asked, knowing he had stuck his foot in his mouth.

Shepard just laughed. "Well, thank you, James… I think. But you're cool with it, right?"

"Yeah, Loco, I'm cool…" James paused before continuing, "Maybe don't tell people at school, though. Especially not the athletes."

Shepard's brow furrowed. "I understand. Thanks for the warning."

"Don't get us wrong. Jimmy and I will always have your back. Right, Vega?" Garrus said as he slapped James on the back.

"Hell yeah! We got your back, no matter what, Loco!" James assured his blue-eyed friend.

"Thanks, guys," Shepard grinned just before they were shaken by a loud noise and the sound of a child crying.

**~~~☆~~~**

Across the street was a drunken man dragging a small girl by the arm. Shepard's eyes went wide when he recognized the little girl.

"Hailey?" Shepard whispered in shock.

"You know that girl?" James asked as Garrus observed.

"Daddy, stop! My arm hurts!" The little girl cried, her pale-grey eyes pleading as her father slapped her hard across the face.

A wave of cold energy washed over Shepard as he marched with purpose across the street. Stopping only when he was standing just behind the drunken man. 

Shepard tapped him on the shoulder—

The second the drunken man turned around, Shepard punched him square in the nose. In a rage, Shepard continued his assault on the man as Garrus and James tried to comfort the frightened child.

"Feel like a big man, beating on a defenseless little girl!?" Shepard yelled as he continued to kick the bloodied mess of a man. "You piece of shit! You'll never touch her again! You hear me!"

"James!" Garrus nodded towards Shepard, and James took that as his cue to step in.

"Loco! Loco, stop! C'mon, man. Let it go!" James begged as he eventually pried Shepard away from the bloodied man.

"Garrus, call 911, and tell them this piece of shit was abusing his daughter," Shepard ordered in a forceful tone that told Garrus to do as he said. "If they ask who beat the hell out of him, you can give them my name, but **DO NOT** tell them you know me. I don't want anyone getting into trouble over my shit."

"He’s loco," James whispered, shaking his head in disbelief.

As Garrus made the call, Shepard knelt down to speak with the little angel that had been so kind to him only a few short weeks ago.

"Hailey…" Shepard spoke softly, but his heart sank when she shied away, in fear, "Hailey, please don't be afraid of me. I won't hurt you. I just couldn't stand by and watch him hurt you."

Hailey slowly turned her weeping eyes towards Shepard, unsure whether or not to trust him.

"Please, Hailey," Shepard begged as he reached his hand out towards her.

"Loco, you gotta go, man," James urged. "They'll be here soon."

Shepard held up his index finger to James and waited for Hailey's reaction.

A second later, her tiny arms were around his neck, hugging him as if her life depended on it.

"Thank you, Loco," The tiny angel whispered as she kissed him on the cheek.

Shepard kissed the top of her head then fished out a card from his wallet.

"Glad I didn't throw it away," He smiled as he placed the worn card in the little girl's hand, "Give this card to the police officer when he gets here. It's my dad's number. Tell them to call him for you. When they ask about your daddy, tell them everything you can remember about all the times he hurt you. I promise that you won't ever have to go back to him. Just tell my dad, Anderson, and he'll keep you safe."

"You promise?" Hailey asked, fear evident in her big grey eyes.

"I promise, Hailey. Remember, ask for Anderson. Can you repeat his name for me?"

"Anderson," Hailey, repeated. 

"Good girl," Shepard assured as he softly kissed her forehead.

"Yo, Loco, you gotta go, now!" James warned as the sounds of sirens got closer and closer.

"I promise, Hailey!" Shepard yelled back as he ran down the street, heading for Aaron's apartment.

**~~~☆~~~**

Garrus texted him later that night to tell him that he didn't rat him out and that Anderson had shown up to take the girl to child services. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived as he thought of that little angel being in the system.

"I should ask my dad about her," Shepard said to Aaron as they lay curled up on Aaron's couch.

"Wouldn't that give you away?" Aaron asked, stroking Shepard's dark-blonde hair.

"Maybe…" Shepard thought about it for a second before speaking again, "I could just say Garrus told me about it."

"That could work," Aaron mused as he continued his affections. "You really like this little girl, huh?"

"Yeah… She just, I don't know," Shepard sighed heavily, "She's too pure to be in some group or foster home. I don't want her to lose that innocence, you know."

Aaron smiled sweetly at his J. "I'm proud of you."

"For what?" Shepard's brow raised in confusion.

"For helping her. It was a brave thing to do," Aaron said, kissing the top of Shepard's head.

"No, it wasn't brave. It was, I don't know --- She needed help," Shepard explained as Aaron held him tighter.

"You have to go home for a few days." Aaron sighed, "I'm gonna miss you."

"It's only for two days," Shepard assured him, "It's only to get me all lined up for school. That's all."

**BUZZ—** **BUZZ—**

"J, your phone is vibrating," Aaron informed him as he took it from the end table, and handed it to his young lover.

"It's a text from Dad," Shepard grinned as he continued to read, "Apparently, they have a surprise for me." Shepard tried to think of what it could be, but came up empty, "Wonder what it is?"

"With those two, who knows?" Aaron joked. "Speaking of family, my sister wanted me to tell you that she's sorry for anything she might have said to hurt you. She was drunk, and well — you know."

"She hit on me, you know," Shepard grinned.

"Oh, she told me. Said she practically begged you to fuck her," Aaron said, grinning slightly as he shook his head. "You **are** awfully hot though, Can't really fault her for having good taste."

"I only want one Hayes, and that's you." Shepard grinned as he pulled Aaron in for a kiss. "Is she okay with this… with us?"

Aaron chuckled softly. "Um… Yeah — It took her a while. Not because of you, but because I apparently took the man of her dreams away from her."

Shepard laughed a genuine laugh. "She knew I was gay. I told her myself."

"That's what I said, and she said she could have changed you," Aaron said, rolling his eyes at the thought.

"Yeah… She's crazy. You know that, right," Shepard teased.

"You are preaching to the choir," Aaron laughed as they drifted into a comfortable silence with Aaron stroking Shepard's hair gently.

"Hey, Aaron," Shepard's soft voice was the first to break the silence.

"Hm?" Aaron mumbled.

"I'm tired," Shepard whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Let's go to bed, baby," Aaron whispered as he moved to lead Shepard to the bedroom.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


	10. Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Andersons get a new family member.  
> Shepard gets a new name...

"Guys, I'm home," Shepard announced as he dropped his pack by the door.

"We're in here," Kahlee yelled from the kitchen. "We have a surprise for you."

Shepard grinned as he made his way to the kitchen, wondering what the big surprise was. "What’s up?"

Shepard's eyes grew wide as he caught sight of a tiny dark-skinned girl with big light-grey eyes. "Hailey?"

"Loco!" The little girl jumped down from her stool and threw her arms around Shepard's waist.

"Loco?" Anderson and Kahlee asked in unison.

'She must have heard James call me that, and thinks it's my name,' Shepard thought to himself.

"Do you two know each other?" Kahlee asked.

"Um… Kind of," Shepard chuckled, nervously.

"Told you," Anderson said as he grinned at Kahlee. "I knew it the minute they told me she had my card."

"Am I in trouble?" Shepard asked, eyes looking down, trying to avoid his parents' gaze.

"No, Son," Anderson assured the blue-eyed teen, "Garrus said he didn't know the man's attacker, and James backed his story. That's enough for the authorities. So, everything is fine. We'll discuss your anger issues later."

"What's Hailey doing here?" Shepard asked, rubbing the little girl's back gently.

"I'm gonna be your new little sister, Loco!" Hailey smiled brightly — as she looked up at him.

"Really?" Shepard asked, looking to his parents for confirmation.

"Yes. Is that a problem?" Anderson asked as Hailey frowned sadly.

"You do want me for a little sister, don't you, Loco?" Hailey's light-grey eyes filled with tears as she spoke.

"Of course I do, Hailey," Shepard assured the little angel by picking her up and hugging her tightly. "I couldn't think of a better little sister."

Hailey squealed in delight.

"Then it's official — she's your new baby sister!" Kahlee announced in a celebratory tone.

"Tomorrow, Kahlee and I are taking you both out to celebrate." Anderson winked. "Think of it as our first family outing."

"I should call Aaron and tell him the news," Shepard grinned, "He won't believe it."

"Loco, who's Aaron?" Hailey asked, cocking her tiny head to the side.

Shepard looked to his parents for some sort of guidance. They both nodded.

"Well, Hailey… He's my friend. My boyfriend, actually," Shepard shrugged nervously.

"Oh," Hailey huffed as she continued on, "I want a boyfriend too!"

The rest of the family just burst out into laughter. Having Hailey around was definitely going to be a fun and welcomed change in their lives.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Hailey, honey, what do you want?" Kahlee asked as she perused the menu.

"Um… cheeseburger and french fries," Hailey announced excitedly, "Oh, and a chocolate milkshake!"

Anderson laughed at his new little girl. "Sounds good. I think I'll have the same."

Kahlee smiled as her eyes caught sight of a figure sneaking up behind Shepard.

Aaron slowly put his hands over Shepard's beautiful blue eyes. "Guess who!"

"Aaron!" Shepard's smile was wide as he rose to pull his boyfriend in for a tight hug. "What are you doing here? I thought you had class."

"I did," Aaron explained with a cheeky grin, "but it was an early one. I was out by noon. And as for why I'm here — I texted your mom and asked where you guys were eating so I could surprise you. Did it work?"

"Hell, yes, it worked," Shepard grinned, kissing his boyfriend lightly on the lips.

"Hailey, this is Aaron, and Aaron, this is Hailey." Shepard introduced them with a big grin on his face.

"Hello, Hailey. It's nice to finally meet you," Aaron smiled as he kissed the top of her tiny hand as one would a princess.

"Do you love Loco?" Hailey blurted out.

"Um, Loco," Aaron asked, eyebrow cocked, "She calls you 'Loco'?"

"Yep. She likes it better than Shepard," Shepard said, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke.

"Oh, I see," Aaron grinned while turning his attention back to the very serious-looking girl in front of him. "And to answer your question, milady, yes. Yes, I do love J — very much so."

Shepard smiled shyly as the five-year-old attempted to gauge the older man's sincerity.

"Then you may stay," Hailey announced as she motioned to the seat next to Shepard.

"Do I have your blessing, milady?" Aaron asked as he took his place next to his J.

"For now," Hailey replied as she waved her tiny hand at Aaron.

The entire table burst into laughter as the waitress appeared to take their order.

"You have a very beautiful daughter." The waitress smiled as she pointed towards Kahlee and Anderson.

"Thank you," the couple replied with a hint of pride.

"Will your friends be joining you this afternoon?" The waitress asked, pointing towards Shepard and Aaron.

Shepard couldn't help but laugh. Hailey really would pass for Kahlee and Anderson's birth daughter. She looked like a perfect mesh of the both of them, whereas Shepard looked nothing like them.

"Oh, no… I mean, yes," Kahlee stumbled over her words, trying her best to explain. "This is our son and his friend, we're having a family dinner," Kahlee replied, pointing towards Shepard and Aaron.

The waitress blushed in embarrassment. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to — I just assumed."

Anderson laughed a friendly laugh. "That's okay. We are quite a sight, I would imagine."

The waitress smiled as she finished taking their orders. "I'll be right back with your drinks."

"Should we tell him?" Kahlee asked, nodding her head towards Shepard.

"Tell me what?" Shepard asked, brow furrowing.

"Well, Son," Anderson began, "We decided to change your name."

Shepard's sapphire-blue eyes grew dark in an instant, as anger started to bubble. 

_ 'How dare they!? They took away the only thing your mother ever gave you! She was a bitch, sure, but it was  _ **_YOUR_ ** _ motherfucking name! Just like all the rest — taking without asking!' _

"Why would you fucking do that!?" Shepard yelled, his breathing becoming harsh.

"J, baby — calm down," Aaron whispered as he took his young lover's hand, gently massaging the knuckles he found there.

"Everyone calls me Shepard. It's  **MY** fucking name. It's all I have. You had no right to take that from me!"

_ 'You tell 'em, Shepard!'  _ The voice cheered, and he liked the support it offered.

"E-Excuse me. Is s-something wrong?" The waitress asked as she sat their drinks on the table.

"Mind your own fucking business!" Shepard warned, causing the waitress to shriek and run away in fear.

"J, calm down," Aaron pleaded louder. "Please, just hear them out, yeah."

"Why? Why would you take my name?" Shepard demanded, voice cracking with tears in his eyes.

Kahlee was frozen in place with tears in her eyes, unable to speak.

"Son, we didn't change your last name," Anderson assured him softly, "We changed your middle name."

_ 'What!?'  _ "What!?" The voice, as well as Shepard, himself, replied in unison.

Kahlee finally found the strength to speak, "We changed your middle name. We thought you deserved a name — a  **real** name."

_ 'Well, shit… We might have overreacted just a wee bit…' _

Shepard was frozen, knowing he had fucked up. To say he overreacted would have been the understatement of the century. Shepard looked around at the destruction he caused— 

Kahlee had tears in her eyes, Hailey had her eyes closed with her hands over her ears, and Anderson — Anderson just looked at him with pity and disappointment.

"I should go…" Shepard mumbled as he made a quick exit, with Aaron calling after him.

"J!" Aaron called out one more time. "Dammit. I'll go check on him. Excuse me." Aaron excused himself as he went to find his J.

"I thought he'd be happy," Kahlee said softly as the tears finally broke free.

"He misunderstood," Anderson explained sadly, "We handled it poorly, and he handled it even worse than we did. We should have asked first. He's so used to being betrayed. He's used to being treated like property instead of a person. He thought we were taking away what was his without asking. And that upset him."

"I just want him to be happy," Kahlee whispered, drying her eyes as she spoke.

"I'll go talk to him," Anderson replied. "Can you get the food to go?"

Kahlee nodded as she grabbed Hailey's small hand. "Are you okay, honey?"

"Why did Loco yell like that?" The tiny angel asked with sadness in her eyes. "He scared me."

"I know, Hailey," Kahlee soothed her baby girl as best she could. "He scares me sometimes too, but that's okay. Just remember that he's your brother, and he'd never willingly hurt you, Hailey — not for anything in the world."

"Okay," Hailey whispered as she allowed her new mother to pull her in for a hug.

"Let's go get our food, and go home," Kahlee smiled at her daughter as she led the tiny girl to the counter.

**~~~☆~~~**

Anderson found Shepard sitting on the sidewalk with Aaron by his side.

"He okay?" Anderson asked Aaron as he made his way to his son's side.

"He's fine." Aaron smiled a half-smile. "He's a bit embarrassed, but he's okay."

"I'm sorry, Dad," Shepard apologized. "I overreacted, and, as usual, I flipped out."

"This time it wasn't entirely your fault, you know," Anderson assured the teen, "This one's on all of us, but mostly on your mother and I. We knew how your brain processes things and still, we didn't bother to ask your opinion on the name change. We just rushed in."

"No, it was your right. You're my parents now, right," Shepard said, shaking his head as he spoke.

"We don't  **own** you, Son. You have the right to be you. And your name is yours and yours alone." Anderson sighed, "We really had no right."

"What name did you choose?" Shepard asked softly.

"You chose it, actually," Anderson grinned as he handed the document to his son.

"John Devon Shepard," Shepard read the name aloud. "Devon…"

"It was the name you gave us, on the morning we decided to change your middle name," Anderson grinned at the memory. "We should have told you about it then, but we wanted it to be a surprise. I guess we messed up, huh."

Aaron leaned in and whispered into Shepard's ear, "John Devon… Sounds good, yeah."

Shepard smiled a sad smile. "Yeah, it does." Shepard's sad blue eyes began to shine with unshed tears. "I love it, Dad. I really do. I'm so sorry I yelled at you and Mom." Shepard hugged his father as he heard his mother's voice behind them.

"You guys ready to go home and eat?" Kahlee smiled a warm smile as Hailey bounced beside her restlessly. 

"I'm hungry. Can we go now?" Hailey pouted.

Shepard picked her up and swung her 'round and 'round. "Ready when you are. I'm sorry I scared you, Hailey," Shepard whispered as he hugged her tight.

"That's okay, Loco. I still love you," Hailey said, kissing him on the nose.

"I'm sorry, Mom," Shepard apologized, kissing her on the cheek, "Forgive me, yeah."

"You're forgiven," Kahlee replied, rubbing his back in a soothing pattern.

"I love my name, by the way," Shepard grinned. "'John Devon' sounds good, yeah."

"Devon… Devon's a pretty name. Maybe I'll call you Devon," Hailey pondered.

"Yeah?" Shepard asked, looking at the precocious little girl.

"Nah, I like Loco," Hailey giggled as Shepard grinned, and rolled his eyes in amusement.

"Come on, Aaron. Dad. I'm hungry. Let's go home already!" Shepard teased.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard's life had changed for the better. He was happier than he'd ever been. He had everything he had ever wanted.

He had a family, and he had Aaron. Shepard's life was perfect, and he looked forward to the future.

If only the future could be so kind—

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the halfway mark of the story. I hope you are enjoying it. Thanks for reading!


	11. Whisky Coloured Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard FINALLY meets Kaidan and there is an instant attraction...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan FINALLY makes an appearance.  
> *There's sexual content in this chapter, but again nothing explicit.*

"That was… **incredible** ,"  Aaron praised, with Shepard still on his lap, both breathless from their previous play. "You are going to be the death of me, J… But what a way to go," Aaron said while hugging Shepard tight to his chest, refusing to let him go.

Shepard chuckled as he continued to kiss Aaron's sweat-soaked neck. "We're all sticky, but I don't want you to move."

"I don't wanna move either," Aaron agreed, still riding the high of his orgasm. "I could spend the rest of my life inside you."

Shepard moaned at the thought. "I wish you could. I'd fucking love that."

Aaron sighed sadly. "Unfortunately, we have to get up, take a shower, get dressed, then go and meet your friends for hockey."

"Aw, can't we fuck one more time?" Shepard whined, pouting at his green-eyed lover.

Aaron immediately bit Shepard's pouty bottom lip. "I could always take you in the shower, eh." Aaron teased.

Shepard's brow rose as his gorgeous blue eyes darkened in lust. "Hell, yes!"

**~~~☆~~~**

After a long shower, the happy couple got dressed in record time—

"You got your gear, J?" Aaron asked his young lover.

"Yeah,” Shepard answered, retrieving one of Aaron's old high school hockey jerseys from the drawer.

"You're going to play in my old jersey?" Aaron grinned.

"Hell no! I don't wanna ruin it with my scent. I want you to wear it," Shepard shrugged.

"Why?" Aaron asked, pale-green eyes narrowing at his blue-eyed devil.

"Just humour me." Shepard grinned.

"J?" Aaron scolded, demanding an answer.

"Fine! I want you to wear it, that way it'll smell even more like you," Shepard explained.

"Okay… But why bother?" Aaron asked, obviously confused by his young lover's train of thought.

"Well, I'm gonna take it with me when I go home. You know, so I can smell you whenever I miss you," The teen tried hard to explain as a deep blush made its way across his handsome face.

Aaron's eyes lit up in understanding. "I see… And what if I don't let you have the jersey," Aaron teased, in a playful tone.

Shepard rolled his eyes. "I'm keeping the jersey, Aaron. You have like four of 'em," Shepard informed his lover with a determined look in his bright blue eyes.

Aaron laughed warmly, "You can have it, J… And if you ever need another, just let me know. I'll wear it the day before so it'll smell just like me. Deal?"

"Deal," Shepard agreed, winking at his lover.

Aaron quickly put on the jersey. "What are you going to wear?"

"Reach me the shirt you were gonna wear," Shepard put on the shirt that was just a size too small. "It's a little tight."

"Tight is good," Aaron replied, licking his lips at the sight of his lover.

"Think so?" Shepard chuckled as he grabbed his gear. "We should get going."

"We need to face-time Ryan before we head out," Aaron reminded his lover, "We were supposed to last night, but we, uh… kinda lost time."

Shepard snickered as his green-eyed lover hastily opened his laptop.

"Are you sure he's available? He might be practising," the blue-eyed blonde reminded the older man as a familiar voice rang out in the room.

"It's about damn time you called, Hayes," Ryan scolded, grey eyes glittering in amusement, "I waited half the night, lazy-ass."

Aaron chuckled at his best-friend. "Yeah, we, uh, got side-tracked," the green-eyed beauty said with a wink.

"Uh-huh," Ryan grinned. "Look, I know Baby Boy is irresistible, but would it kill you guys to take a break every now and then to call your best friend?"

"Yeah, that might have been my fault, Walker," Shepard admitted with a sheepish grin.

"You know how he gets, Ryan. He goes like a fucking machine, yeah," Aaron reminded as he kissed his J quickly on the lips. 

"Yeah, I know how he gets," the grey-eyed man nodded in understanding. "So, how are you doing, Baby Boy; you been feeling good? Are things still good with the new family?"

"Things are good with the family. Hailey really wants to meet you. She thinks you're gorgeous," the blue-eyed teen replied with a chuckle. 

"Well, the girl obviously has great taste," Ryan smirked. "I can't wait to meet them all. Unfortunately, it's going to be a few months yet. My schedule is going to be brutal."

"Aw, that sucks," Aaron whined, "We were really hoping to see you sooner. We miss you, yeah."

"I miss you guys too," Ryan said with a melancholic smile. "Uh, I can't help but notice that Baby Boy didn't answer my other question. How are you doing, J?"

"I-I'm feeling okay. I do way better when I'm with Aaron. I haven't been as bad lately," Shepard assured his worried friend.

"Uh-huh," the green-eyed man said with a doubtful look. "How's he really doing, Aaron?"

"He's doing okay. He still has episodes, but nothing too bad," Aaron explained, "He hasn't been overly manic in a while, and he's sleeping better than usual."

"That's good," Ryan sighed in relief. "Have you had any seizures lately, J?"

"Uh, no. It's been a while," Shepard assured his grey-eyed friend. 

"He's lying," Aaron said with a disapproving look.

"No, I ain't," the blue-eyed teen argued. "It's been a long time."

"J, baby, you had a seizure just before Anderson adopted you," the green-eyed man reminded his love. "Don't you remember, baby?"

"Uh— no, I don't remember that," Shepard admitted truthfully.

"Any idea what caused it," Ryan asked curiously.

"His foster dad beat the hell out of him," Aaron explained, "He hit J's head, especially the left side."

"Baby Boy's Achilles heel," Ryan mused, shaking his head in disgust for the man that had hurt his young friend. 

"Yeah, I ain't had any random ones," Shepard explained, "I'm good unless I get hit hard on the left side of my head."

"That's good," Ryan grinned. "So, Hayes, how has your family been?"

"Um, good, I guess," Aaron shrugged, causing Shepard to frown, and walk out of Ryan's view.

"Your mom's still pissed, huh," Ryan surmised.

"Yeah. She insists that she isn't mad at me, but she's hell-bent on blaming J," Aaron snorted, "It pisses me off. She won't even give J a chance."

"Yeah. Are you really surprised, though?" Ryan asked. "She's always been that way towards J."

"I know, but it hurts J when Mom acts this way," Aaron replied in frustration.

"I know… How do Allie and your dad feel about your relationship with J?"

"They're great! Allie was a bit peeved at me, but only because she wanted my J for herself," Aaron replied with an amused chuckle, "Dad knew even before I split with Elise."

"Really?" Ryan asked in surprise.

"Yeah. You know how close we are. He could tell something was up when he noticed how happy I was," Aaron grinned, "He asked me what was up, and I just told him the truth."

"I'm surprised Andrew was cool with you cheating on Elise," Ryan laughed.

"He was not…." The green-eyed man grinned, "He wanted me to break-up with Elise immediately. He said it wasn't fair to her or to my J. But, me being the coward that I am, refused to do it. But seeing how hurt my J was on my birthday nearly destroyed me. That was the final straw. But I've never been happier. My only regret is not doing it sooner. I guess my dad was right from the start, eh."

"Yeah. You're dad's a smart one, for sure," Ryan mused, "I wish I had your bravery. I'm still not ready to tell my parents. Maybe I will whenever I get a serious boyfriend."

"Uh-huh," Aaron laughed as Ryan's alarm went off. "You have somewhere to be, Walker?"

"I do," Ryan grinned. "That was my cue to get ready. Love you, Aaron. Oy, Baby Boy, get over here so I can say goodbye."

Shepard grinned as he made his way to the laptop. "Later, Walker. I love you, yeah."

"Love you too, Baby Boy," Ryan smiled brightly at the young blonde, "Take care of Aaron for me."

"Always," the blue-eyed teen promised.

"And you take care of my Baby Boy," Ryan said with a wink. "Love you, Aaron."

"You know I always take care of my J," Aaron winked at his best-friend, "Later, Ryan. Love you."

"I'll talk to you guys soon," Ryan promised as he ended the call.

"I think we're going to be late," Shepard snickered as he looked at his watch.

"You think," Aaron said with a chuckle as he grabbed his gear.

"Ready to go," Shepard asked his beloved.

"Yep," Aaron answered as they made their way outside.

**~~~☆~~~**

The pick-up game went well. Garrus and Shepard were learning to work well together. And by the time the next season came around, 'Shepard and Vakarian' would be a force to be reckoned with, both on and off the ice. And Aaron couldn't wait to see it.

"You guys were awesome," Aaron praised, patting Garrus on the back, and winking at his boyfriend.

"I think you're getting the hang of it, Shepard," Garrus teased as Shepard rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Now, if only you could stop staring at the girls in the stands, you might actually make a pretty decent left-wing," Shepard teased in retaliation.

Garrus turned bright red as James hit him hard on the back. "Yeah, Scars. You really need to stop staring at Tali. It's embarrassing, man."

"With all due respect, fuck you, Vega," Garrus said in a lighthearted tone.

"Whose Tali?" Shepard asked, absolutely lost as to why Garrus would be blushing.

"Tali is a girl that Garrus likes," James explained. "He's liked her for years now."

"But he's too much of a pussy to ask her out?" Aaron chimed in.

"Exactly!" James said, high-fiving Aaron.

"Traitor!" Garrus accused in mock-anger. "Shepard, your boyfriend is a traitor!"

Shepard just grinned and nodded.

"Shall we go introduce ourselves to your future schoolmates?" Aaron asked, pointing towards the small group of people standing near the exit.

"Why the hell not?" Shepard said with a shrug.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Garrus you were great out there today," The girl with freckles spoke first. "You really are improving."

"Thanks, Liara." Garrus grinned, "Maybe we'll have a shot at actually winning the division cup this year with Shepard on-board."

Liara was a pretty enough girl, Shepard supposed. She had a freckled face with bright blue eyes and honey-blonde hair. She spoke as if she were older, sounding more like a teacher than a student — definitely the bookish type.

"Shepard…" Liara's face turned a shade of pale pink as she spoke. "Y-yes. H-he's very good, isn't he."

"I ain't that good," Shepard spoke, causing the girl to jump. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"Oh, no… Y-you didn't," Liara stuttered over her words, "I'm Liara."

"Hello, Liara." Shepard nodded and shook her hand. "Liara, you can let go of my hand now."

"Oh, goddess," Liara's face turned a deep shade of crimson as she spoke, "Please, forgive me. I apologize."

Shepard just chuckled. "It's fine, really."

"Hi, I'm Tali." A Romanian girl with long black hair, and violet eyes, chimed in, offering her hand to Shepard. "You have to forgive Liara. She always gets that way around handsome men." Tali flushed when she realized her choice of words. "Oh… I-I… I didn't mean, I mean, you  **ARE** handsome, but… Shut up, Tali, you're babbling like a moron."

Shepard just grinned as he shook her hand firmly. "It's alright."

"Thank you." Tali sighed in relief. "Garrus, you really looked good today — out there… on the ice." Tali's face turned an even deeper shade of red when she spoke to Garrus.

"She likes him," Aaron whispered to Shepard.

"Obviously," Shepard whispered back.

"Liara obviously likes you," Aaron grinned with a whisper.

"I know that too." Shepard grinned.

"You guys are really learning to gel. You should be a well-oiled machine by the time hockey season starts." The voice was warm, rich, and flowed like honey, sending a tingle down Shepard's spine.

Shepard couldn't help but search out the speaker. The boy was downright gorgeous, Shepard couldn't deny that. He had thick dark hair, cut short with a slight waviness to it. His eyes were the colour of warm amber. A colour that reminded Shepard of whisky. He looked like a nice guy, and if Shepard hadn't been with Aaron, he would have definitely been interested.

"Thanks, Kaidan. Coming from you, I can believe it," Garrus nodded.

_ 'Hot damn! He's hot as all hell. Totally fuckable…. Makes your dick jump just thinking about it, doesn't it!?' _   
  
'Shut up! I have, Aaron. I don't need anyone else.'   
  
_ 'Hahaha. Who said anything about need? This is pure want, baby!' _   
  
'Please, shut up.…'

"Well, he's a hottie," Aaron whispered, grinning wickedly at his young lover, shaking Shepard from his inner turmoil.

Shepard shrugged and rolled his eyes. "I see how it is. You gonna dump me for the first pretty face you see?" Shepard teased.

"See, you think he's hot too," Aaron teased.

"Twist my words all you want, Aaron --- you're the only one I want." Shepard winked.

"That's my J!" Aaron grinned proudly.

"Kaidan, this is Shepard and Aaron." Garrus introduced them with a smile.

"Pleased to meet you." Kaidan greeted Shepard, shaking his hand, but unable to meet his gaze.

"Shepard," Shepard replied, shaking the amber-eyed teen's hand firmly.

"Kaidan," Kaidan replied softly.

"I'm Aaron." Aaron smiled, taking the teen's hand firmly into his, noticing that the boy had no trouble looking him in the eye.

'He likes my J,' Aaron thought in amusement.

"Shepard will be going to our school next term," Garrus informed Kaidan, just in case he hadn't heard.

"I'm aware." Kaidan nodded. "We're… uh, lucky to have him."

"Thanks." Shepard smiled at the compliment.

"Ready to go, J?" Aaron asked, ready to take his J back home.

"Yep." Shepard grinned before waving back at the small group. "Later, guys. Nice meeting you, Kaidan." 

Kaidan felt his heart race as his cheeks reddened. "Y-you too, Shepard."

Aaron grinned and waved back as well. 

"Let's go home, eh." Aaron smiled as Shepard nodded with a sly grin.

**~~~☆~~~**

"He was cute, eh," Aaron said, rubbing Shepard's knuckle as they sat side by side on Aaron's couch.

"Who?" Shepard asked, pretending not to know who Aaron was talking about.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Kaidan."

Shepard shrugged. "He's okay."

Aaron laughed, "Just okay, huh?"

"Yep," Shepard nodded. "Just okay."

"He's got a crush on you, J," Aaron informed his oblivious lover.

Shepard looked at Aaron like he had just grown a new head. "What?"

"It was so obvious, J." Aaron chuckled. "He couldn't even meet your gaze."

Shepard thought for a second before replying. "So, he's shy. It doesn't mean anything."

Aaron laughed again. "J, he had no trouble looking me in the eye. Plus, you made the poor guy blush when you said goodbye."

Shepard's brow furrowed in thought. "So what? It doesn't matter."

Aaron's grin grew wider. "I guess. I just want to be sure you don't trade me in for a newer model."

"Aaron, you know I don't want nobody but you, so stop teasing," Shepard warned.

"You're so cute when you get flustered." Aaron grinned as he took Shepard's head in his hands and kissed his full, plump lips.

"You always get me flustered," Shepard added before running his hands up and underneath Aaron's jersey. "You wanna take this off?"

"I thought you wanted me to wear it all day." Aaron grinned.

"I did… but I don't want it to get too…dirty," Shepard explained in a low sultry tone.

"Yes, sir." Aaron grinned as he took off the jersey and sat it gently aside. "Now it's your turn."

Shepard grinned as Aaron lifted the too-small shirt from his head.

"Your body is unreal," Aaron whispered as he ran his hands slowly up and down Shepard's chiselled body.

"You say that every time," Shepard laughed as Aaron's tongue whispered a trail up his stomach, causing his abdominal muscles to dance.

"And it is never any less true." Aaron winked. "What do you want to do tonight, baby?"

"I'm yours for the taking." Shepard grinned as he took one of Aaron's fingers into his mouth, sucking gently. "Do whatever you want with me… As long as I get to taste you later, I'm a happy man."

Aaron moaned at the thought of Shepard's soft, luscious lips wrapped around him. "Anything you want, baby."

**~~~☆~~~**

They took their time with one another, simply enjoying the feel of taking and being taken, basking in the intense feeling of love and arousal that always seemed to consume Shepard and Aaron whenever they were together. 

Together they made a perfect pair, fitting together perfectly as if they were made to be joined. It was perfect. Everything was perfect—

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading... The next chapter is going to be a doozy, so I hope you'll stick around for it...


	12. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard's world is shattered...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short, but emotional chapter.  
> *This chapter contains homophobic violence.*

"I don't wanna leave…" Shepard groaned as he rubbed his face hard.

"I know, J," Aaron sighed sadly, "But your parents demand that you stay at least a few days with them. They think I'm stealing you away from them."

"You can't steal what's been given freely," Shepard pouted.

Aaron bit his lover's bottom lip. "I know that, but they want you to spend more time with Hailey."

"I know… And I know it's only for two days — but…" Shepard stopped mid-sentence, unsure of how to proceed.

"But what, J?" Aaron asked, rubbing Shepard's naked back gently. "Talk to me, babe."

"It sounds crazy!" Shepard exclaimed in an uneasy tone.

"It doesn't matter how crazy it is, talk to me," Aaron insisted.

"I feel like, if we leave this apartment, something will get broken," Shepard tried to explain. "It sounds stupid!"

"What do you mean by 'broken'?" Aaron asked, trying to understand his lover's apprehension.

"Like… like something will go wrong— like really, really wrong." Shepard sighed heavily. "I feel like I'll lose you…"

"When did you start feeling this way?" Aaron asked, brushing the dark-blonde hair out of Shepard's scared blue eyes. "How long have you felt like this, J?"

Shepard shrugged, "A couple of days ago, I guess," Shepard explained, "Remember when I had that dream, and I told you it was about my childhood?"

"Yeah," Aaron nodded, remembering the incident clearly. "You said it was just a dream about you being abused by your old foster dad, but you refused to talk about it."

"Yeah… Well, I lied. It wasn't that dream," Shepard admitted, shaking his head slowly. "I dreamt about you…"

"About me," Aaron asked, brow raised in apprehension, "What happened in the dream?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Shepard quickly responded.

"J, you have to tell me," Aaron insisted, gently but firmly. "Please, J, tell me."

"You died, Aaron!" Shepard exclaimed, voice cracking.

"Okay…" Aaron's voice, clear and steady — unwavering. "How did I die in the dream?"

"I don't know, Aaron," Shepard whined. "You were right there in front of me. We fucked, and then you were kissing me. Then all-of-the-sudden, you winced in pain. When you pulled back, I looked down, and there was blood — So much blood, Aaron. Then you just smiled. You fucking smiled! You said something. I couldn't understand, and then when I reached for you — you just faded. Aaron, you were just gone. I can't — I just can't. I can't live without you, Aaron!" Shepard was shaking, his tears flowing uncontrollably as his chest heaved, and his voice became ragged.

"J, I'm right here. It's okay," Aaron assured the teen as he rubbed his lower back, and held him close. "It was just a dream, J. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, baby. Just breathe — breathe for me, J."

"I told you, it was stupid." Shepard laughed bitterly. "But today it just seems so much more real, you know. Like we should just stay right here, together, for the rest of the night. Why can't we just stay in? I can go home tomorrow."

"I know you want to stay in, but your parents were insistent on this. If you stay tonight, then you might not ever get permission to come back," Aaron replied, while gently stroking his J's dark-blonde hair, "It was just a dream, baby. I'm here, and nothing is going to happen to me."

"You promise?" Shepard's voice was firm, firmer than Aaron had ever heard it. "You promise me, Aaron! Promise me you'll be fine."

Aaron's eyes went wide. "I-I promise, J," Aaron promised, unsure as to why it made him feel so uneasy. "Now, let's get ready to go, yeah. I'll be right there with you until we get you home. I'll be fine, and so will you. You'll see."

Aaron's smile was bright and sincere — the smile that had always filled Shepard with warmth, calmed his fears, and kept his demons at bay. God, how Shepard loved that smile.

'Promise me, Aaron…'

_ 'I like Aaron, I really do, but if we leave this room, we both know that something is gonna break. When have we ever been wrong? Listen to me, Shepard,  _ **_DO NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM! DO NOT LET AARON LEAVE EITHER!_ ** _ I'm begging you, listen to me!' _

'No. It'll be alright. Aaron promised…'

_ ' **Sigh—** _ _ For once, I really hope you're right…' _

**~~~☆~~~**

"Dammit! I forgot my wallet." Aaron whined as he looked apologetically to his lover. "Be back in a minute."

Shepard laughed and pulled him in for a kiss. "Hurry up, eh."

"I'll be quick, I promise," Aaron replied with a wink as he re-entered the apartment building.

Shepard sighed, waiting patiently for his green-eyed beauty to return, when all-of-a- sudden, he felt a sharp pain on the back of his skull — knocking him to the ground.

"Hey there, faggot!" The stranger called out.

Shepard struggled to get to his feet when he was kicked hard in the stomach from the other side. 

_ 'Two of them…' _

He struggled to focus as his eyes assessed the situation. 

_ 'No, three… There are three of them. We're fucked…' _

Two of them grabbed the blue-eyed teen by the arms, holding him up for the third to attack. Shepard quickly head-butted the man in front of him, breaking his attacker's nose, but leaving himself addled in the process.

"Son of a bitch! Fucking faggot!" The injured man began beating Shepard mercilessly in the chest and abdomen, focusing on the defenseless teen's ribcage. Shepard could taste the copper in his mouth.

_ 'Something's broken… inside…' _

A sight of metal caught Shepard's eye, and he realized that his attacker was using brass knuckles.

_ 'Fucking pussies! I fucking knew that wasn't just a fist. Son of a bitch! We are so fucked…' _

**~~~☆~~~**

Once they let go of Shepard, he immediately fell to the ground, unable to stand. 

"About time we finish this faggot off—" One of the three men suggested as the other two laughed in agreement. 

The trio began kicking the helpless teen relentlessly as Shepard tried desperately to protect his head.

"Pick him up!" The leader demanded as Shepard heard a click.

_ 'We're gonna die…' _

Shifting his eyes up, Shepard saw the gleam of a blade in the man's hand.

"What the hell are you doing!?" Aaron’s voice rang out loud in the night. "Get the fuck off him!"

_ 'Your little boyfriend's gonna get himself killed! Aaron, stop! Walk away…' _

"No… Aaron… Don't! Please, Aaron — Walk away," Shepard whispered, trying his best to speak louder, but physically unable to do so.

Aaron grabbed one of the men by the shoulder and spun him around, punching him hard in the face.

Shepard's entire world seemed to slow to an agonizing crawl as he watched a second man, the leader, charge Aaron. Shepard saw the flash of steel and then watched in terror as Aaron slowly slumped forward.

Shepard couldn't understand what the three men were saying, but within seconds they were gone.

"A-Aar-" Shepard tried to yell, but just couldn't.

Aaron walked slowly over to Shepard, swaying as he moved, and gently, with great effort, helped the blue-eyed teen to his feet.

"You alright, J?" Aaron asked, smiling a sad smile as Shepard caught a glimpse of blood on Aaron's teeth.

"Aaron, you're hurt," Shepard whispered.

"J, answer me. Are you alright?" Aaron insisted.

"I'll be alright," Shepard assured him as best he could before Aaron suddenly collapsed into his arms. 

"Aaron... **AARON!** Aaron, are you okay!?" Shepard asked as he frantically looked for a wound. Pressing his hand to Aaron's abdomen to help steady him, Shepard suddenly felt something warm and wet beginning to soak his hand.

_ 'They stabbed Aaron… I'm sorry. Dammit, Aaron, why didn't you listen!?' _

"No, no, no. Aaron, no," Shepard pleaded as he gently placed Aaron against him as they made their way to the ground.

Shepard quickly retrieved his phone from his pocket and immediately dialed 911.

"I need an ambulance. My friend's been stabbed." … "He's bleeding bad." … I'm applying pressure now. I need you to hurry. The address is 6309 East Cordova, outside the apartment building. Please hurry!" Shepard put the phone away and quickly applied more pressure to the wound.

"Don’t move, baby. Help's on the way."

"J— this isn't your fault," Aaron spoke, his voice low but clear, knowing Shepard would blame himself for all of it.

"Yes, it is! This is all my fault. If I wasn't a fucking faggot this would have never happened to you!" Shepard cried. "I should have left you be. I'm so fucking selfish!"

"No, J. You make me happy," Aaron smiled, coughing a little blood as he spoke. "So happy…"

"Don't talk, baby…" Shepard pleaded.

Aaron knew he was dying, but there was still so much he needed to tell his love.

"It won't matter if I talk or not," Aaron whispered, shaking his head softly.

Shepard began crying uncontrollably. "Please, Aaron. Don't leave me."

"Shh, it's alright, baby. Don't cry," Aaron whispered, trying his best to help his J one last time. "Everything will be okay?"

"Help us! Somebody, please, help us!" Shepard screamed from the top of his lungs.

"I-I want you— to have this…" Aaron wheezed as he took one of the silver rings from his own finger and gently placed it upon the middle finger of Shepard's left hand, "This way you'll always— have a part of me. It's not quite— the ring I wanted for you, but…"

Shepard held Aaron tighter as he tried desperately to stop the flow of blood, kissing the top of Aaron's head as he spoke. "No, Aaron. I want you! Please, don't go." Shepard was crying uncontrollably, each tear breaking Aaron's heart. "Help me! Somebody, please, just fucking help me!" 

Shepard looked down at Aaron, noticing how pale he had gotten. "Hold on, baby. The ambulance is on the way. Just hold on, baby, please."

"I'm dying, baby," Aaron whispered, "I won't last… But I'll always be with you, J… You'll never be alone."

_ 'You can't! You promised him, you bastard! You can't leave him all alone! You can't do that to him!' _

"Please, Aaron. Please— stay— Please." Shepard's breathing was becoming erratic, and he was shaking even more than before.

"Shh, baby. It'll be okay — Just breathe…" Aaron began to weep as well. "Do that for me, baby… Just breathe."

Shepard tried to do as he was told — if only to make Aaron happy.

"I gotta go now, baby… I love you." Aaron lifted his hand to Shepard’s face. "My beautiful, J."

"I love you too, Aaron!" Shepard yelled as he kissed the man he loved once more. "So goddamn much."

"Goodbye, baby— Just breathe, can you do that… for…" Aaron's hand fell from Shepard's face to lay limp at his side. Shepard knew then that Aaron, his Aaron, was gone.

"Aaron— Aaron, baby, wake up… Aaron," Shepard screamed as he shook Aaron in desperation, trying to will him back to life.

_ 'He's gone, Shepard…' _

**"NO! HE CAN’T BE GONE! HELP ME! GOD, PLEASE, HELP ME!"**

**~~~☆~~~**

Seconds later, the ambulance arrived, already too late to save the one person that mattered. The EMT had a difficult time prying Shepard free from Aaron's lifeless body.

Once they managed, they walked him over to the ambulance to try to check him for injuries. Shepard quickly refused, wanting to ride with Aaron to the hospital. Even though he knew Aaron was gone, Shepard still wanted to be by his side for as long as possible.

"Please, let me go with him," Shepard begged as he watched them place Aaron onto the gurney.

"You understand that he's gone…" The EMT said softly, gently rubbing the teen's shoulder.

Shepard nodded numbly. "I just want to be with him for a little longer. Please…"

The EMT sighed and nodded, motioning for Shepard to sit beside him, next to Aaron.

Shepard gently brushed the dark hair from Aaron's brow and gently kissed his forehead before taking his lover's hand. "I love you, Aaron."

Shepard never let go, all the way to the hospital.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the hardest chapter to write. I hope I did it justice. Thank you for reading.


	13. Burial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Aaron's death and his funeral...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real warnings here, just a very sad and depressing chapter...

"Hailey, it's time for bed," Kahlee called out to her daughter as she put away the leftovers from dinner, "Remember to brush your teeth!"

"I will, Mommy," the little girl called back, her voice full of laughter, making Kahlee smile.

"John never made it back in time for dinner. Do you think he decided to stay another night at Aaron's?"

Anderson laughed a little. "Maybe. But he's more likely to drag his sorry ass in near midnight, waking us up, raiding the fridge because he's half-starved — like he always does."

At that second, Anderson's work phone began buzzing away.

"Constable Anderson here," Anderson answered, his face going from a wide grin to a deep frown.

"Are they okay?" Anderson asked, rubbing his face harshly. "Is— my—  son— okay?" Anderson asked slowly, his voice demanding and harsh.

Kahlee's heart dropped, and her stomach turned as she heard those words.

"I'll be there in ten," Anderson said as he hung up the phone.

"What happened to our son?" Kahlee asked, voice cracking in fear.

Anderson took her in his arms in an attempt to console her. "Nothing's for certain, but there was an incident outside of Aaron's apartment. All they know is that there were two victims, Shepard and Aaron."

He didn't have the heart to tell her that one of the victims had died. Unable to say out loud that their son might be gone.

"Are they okay?" Kahlee was in tears, holding on tight to her soon-to-be husband. "Tell me, David!"

"I'm not sure…" Anderson admitted, gently rubbing his fiancée's back. "I'm going to the hospital right now to find out."

"I'm going with you!" Kahlee said as she rushed to go get Hailey. "Hailey, baby, get your coat. We're-"

Anderson stopped her mid-sentence. "No… You need to stay with Hailey."

"But…" Anderson cut her off with a kiss.

"It'll be okay. Hailey doesn't need to see this," Anderson whispered. "I've got to go. Take care of Hailey."

Anderson got to the door when Kahlee called out to him, "Tell them I love them."

"I will," Anderson nodded as he exited the house.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard never let go of Aaron's hand, following him into the hospital, until he was forced to let go.

Shepard slowly let go of Aaron's hand, placing it gently upon his chest then kissing him softly on the lips one last time. "I love you, Aaron."

"I'm sorry," the nurse softly whispered as she led him out of the room.

Shepard broke down once he was out of the room, sobbing as he slid down the wall.

"Shepard! Shepard — Son!" Anderson called as he rushed to his son's side. 'Thank god, he's alive!' Anderson thought as he bent down to hold his son. "Are you alright?"

"Dad…" Shepard broke down, holding tightly to his father. "Aaron's gone… I tried so hard, but the bleeding just wouldn't stop!"

Anderson's heart broke for his son, just as it did for Aaron. He, too, had adored that young man. "I know, Son. I know. Just let it out…"

"It should have been me…" Shepard screamed in pain as his father held him tight.

"Shh… It's okay…" Anderson tried hard to provide some sort of comfort to his broken son, but he knew it would never be enough.

**~~~☆~~~**

Once Shepard was calm enough, Anderson led him to the waiting room where several policemen awaited to take his statement. 

Anderson's grief was mixed with anger when he realized just how senseless Aaron's death had been. It made him sick.

Shepard looked to his father, "It's my fault. I was the target, not Aaron. Aaron tried to help me — it's all my fault."

"No, it wasn't," Anderson's tone was quiet, but firm, "It was ignorance that caused this, pure and simple. Ignorant hate and ignorant people."

About that time, a woman ran towards them screaming, with tears in her pale-green eyes.

"You! You got my son killed!" The woman Shepard knew to be Aaron's mother slapped him hard across the face. "I told him you were no good! I told him to stay away from you. It should have been you! It should have been you…" The hysterical woman screamed as her husband, the spitting image of Aaron, except the man had dark-brown eyes instead of pale-green, wrapped his arms around her, and allowed her to collapse into his arms. "Because of him, my baby's gone…"

"I know…" Shepard said softly, "I'm sorry. It should have been me. I'm so sorry." Shepard couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye.

"My son did all he could. He loved your son very much," Anderson explained, trying to give them some peace as well as defend his son.

"Loved him!? He killed him!" Aaron’s mother cried. "If he would have left my Aaron alone, this never would have happened."

"That’s not true!" Anderson's voice rose as he defended his son out of instinct.

"No, Dad… she's right." Shepard's voice was small and empty as he spoke. "I'm sorry… I wish it were me instead."

Aaron's mother's eyes grew wide before she buried her face in her husband's chest.

Shepard rose to his feet and made it to the exit before staggering against the wall. Anderson ran to catch him — to help balance him. But with the adrenaline fading, Shepard collapsed before Anderson could make it to him, his body going rigid before spasming violently on the ground.

"Shepard! Son, you're going to be okay." Anderson was frantic, cradling his son's head to prevent injury as the seizure continued. Feeling something wet on his hands, Anderson caught a glimpse of red in his son's dark-blonde hair. "I need a doctor here! My son's hurt — he's having a seizure."

**~~~☆~~~**

As Shepard was being examined, Anderson took the time to call Kahlee and inform her of Aaron’s tragic death.

Anderson sighed deeply, a sense of dread filling him as he dialed the number.

"Hello, David?" Kahlee's voice was full of fear as she spoke, "Is our baby okay?"

"John's fine, Kahlee. The doctors are examining him now," Anderson informed her, "They've assured me that he'll be fine."

"Thank god! How's Aaron?" Kahlee asked, relief washing over her as she spoke.

Anderson was silent for a while, unsure of how to tell her the devastating news.

"David… David, what's wrong?" The relief was short-lived. She knew, from experience, what the silence meant. "Aaron  **is** okay, isn't he," Kahlee asked, knowing in her heart that he wasn't.

"No, baby, he isn't." Anderson's voice was sad and remorseful. "He's gone, Kahlee. He died in John's arms."

Kahlee broke down, falling to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. "Aaron, no… David, is my baby all right?"

"He's taking it hard, real hard," Anderson answered truthfully. "I think you need to bring Hailey and come to the hospital."

"Of course," Kahlee responded, trying to compose herself for her daughter's sake. "I'll get her ready, and we'll be right there."

"Drive safe… I love you, Kahlee."

"I love you too," Kahlee said as she hung up the phone, and tried to find the words to help her five-year-old daughter understand what had happened, that Aaron was gone. Taking one last deep breath, Kahlee dried her eyes and made her way to Hailey's room.

**~~~☆~~~**

Later that night, after being diagnosed with a concussion, and a few cracked and broken ribs, Shepard was released from the hospital. 

Once they arrived home, Shepard numbly made his way to his bedroom. Refusing to change out of the clothes stained by Aaron's blood, he just crawled up on his bed and cried himself to sleep.

**~~~☆~~~**

For days, Shepard remained a recluse — refusing to leave his room for anything other than using the shower or washroom. On the third day, Shepard emerged wearing a dark-black suit, informing them all that he would be attending Aaron's burial. The family said nothing. They just nodded in understanding, fully prepared to be by his side for as long as he needed them.

Once they arrived at the graveyard, Shepard decided to hang back and watch the funeral from afar, knowing full well, he was not welcome.

Anderson and Kahlee, with Hailey in hand, made their way to the gravesite to pay their last respects.

The service was beautiful. It was obvious that the young man was greatly loved. Aaron's sister greeted the Andersons, kissing them on the cheek, and thanking them for coming.

"Where's Shepard?" Allie asked, a sad look on her face. "I thought for sure he'd want to be here."

"He's over there," Hailey pointed to the figure in black standing beside a parked car, observing them from afar.

Allie smiled sadly. "I texted him the date and time. Aaron would have wanted his J to be here after all. I guess my mom's keeping him away. I'm so sorry about that. Keeping the love of Aaron's life away like that — she'll regret it one day," Allie’s voice cracked as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Aaron was a wonderful young man. He saved our son's life in more ways than one." Kahlee smiled as she thought of Aaron. "We thought of him as our own. And John — well, John loved him very much."

"We know." A man's voice rang out, causing Kahlee to jump a bit. "My apologies. I didn't mean to startle you. Allie, honey, can you go make sure your mother's okay?"

"Sure, Dad," Allie smiled as she kissed her father on the cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too. I'm Andrew Hayes, Aaron's father." The man extended his hand to Anderson. "I wish we could have met under different circumstances."

"David Anderson. This is my wife, Kahlee, and my daughter, Hailey." Anderson introduced his family as he shook the man's hand.

"Where is your son? I wanted to thank him for what he did for my boy," Aaron's father asked, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Did you know, he held my boy's hand the whole time, even into the hospital. They had to make him let go." A single tear escaped his eye as he continued to speak, "It's good to know my boy wasn't alone when he passed… That he was loved."

"Shepard's watching from the roadside," Anderson motioned in the direction where his son was standing. "He didn't want to upset your wife."

Andrew laughed bitterly, "You should ignore Anna. She's just hurt and wants someone to blame. She's always been like that. She'll change her mind eventually, and regret what she said. I know, in my heart, that Aaron would want his J here above all else."

"We understand, and I'm sure John does as well," Kahlee smiled as she held tighter to Hailey's hand.

"He looks like Aaron," Hailey mused as she looked up at the man before her.

"Well, aren't you a pretty little princess," Andrew smiled as he kissed the top of her little hand as if she were royalty.

"He acts like Aaron too," Hailey said, tears welling up in her pale-grey eyes. "I loved Aaron… But he's in heaven now, so it's okay…"

Andrew smiled a sad smile. "That's right, princess. He's in heaven."

Andrew sighed before speaking again. "May I walk you to your car? I'd like to thank J, in person, if I may."

"Of course," Kahlee replied as she grabbed her soon-to-be husband's arm, and with Hailey in tow, they made their way to where Shepard was standing.

**~~~☆~~~**

"John, this is Andrew Hayes, A-"

"Aaron's father," Shepard spoke, cutting Kahlee off mid-sentence. "I'm so sorry. I tried so hard. I wish it had been me instead." Shepard cried, sapphire eyes sad, and filled with pain.

Aaron’s father pulled a stunned Shepard into a tight hug.

"Thank you so much. Because of you, my boy was happy. He wasn't alone, and he was loved… So, thank you, J." 

Shepard began to sob as he hugged the man back as tight as he could.

Andrew pulled away, tears falling silently from his dark-brown eyes, kissing Shepard on the forehead. "Thank you so much."

"I take it you know John well," Kahlee said as she gently rubbed her son's back.

Andrew smiled. "The last time I saw J, he was just six-years-old, and Aaron was teaching him how to check properly."

Shepard smiled at the memory. "I remember. I was way too young to learn about checking, but I nagged Aaron until he showed me." Shepard's smile faded. "I wish he was here with me…"

"We all do," Andrew said softly as he hugged the blue-eyed teen gently. "This wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Aaron loves you, J. Remember that. I love you too, son. So, please, don't blame yourself, eh." 

"I love you too," Shepard whispered as he hugged the man back tightly.

Andrew kissed the young blue-eyed blonde's forehead once more, as he thanked them for coming, before making his way back to his wife and daughter.

"Ready to go, Son?" Anderson asked, rubbing his son's shoulder gently.

"I'd like to spend some time by his grave… If that's alright with you?" Shepard asked, eyes never leaving Aaron's grave.

Anderson and Kahlee looked at each other, nodding in agreement.

"If that's what you want, sweetheart," Kahlee replied softly, kissing her son on the cheek. "Do you want us to wait for you?"

"No. I'll be fine," Shepard assured her. "I'll be home before dark. I promise."

"Okay. We'll see you at home," Kahlee said as she and Anderson both hugged him goodbye. 

"Love you," they said in unison as they got into the car.

"Love you too," Shepard replied back as he made his way to Aaron's grave.   
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading...  
> The next chapter is brand new and isn't included in the original version "Just Breathe". I hope you enjoy it.


	14. Baby Boy & Walker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's best-friend returns to Vancouver...  
> It's a short, but bittersweet chapter.
> 
> This is an entirely new chapter. It isn't included in the original version of "Just Breathe".
> 
> *WARNING!!!: This story contains thoughts of suicide. Please use caution when reading.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a little underaged drinking, but nothing too serious.  
> It's a very depressing chapter.

"I miss you, baby," Shepard whispered as he sat beside the freshly covered grave of his beloved, gently letting the fresh dirt slip from his fingers. "I'm so lost here without you... I just don't know what to do. Would you be mad if I followed you?"

"Don't you dare talk like that, Baby Boy!" A familiar voice called out, startling the heartbroken young blonde. "Aaron would never forgive me if anything happened to you, yeah."

Shepard quickly rose to his feet, hugging the grey-eyed man for all he was worth.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan! It's all my fault! I couldn't protect him," the blue-eyed teen cried as his friend held him close.

"Shh, it wasn't your fault, Baby Boy," Ryan insisted as he kissed Shepard's cheek. "Andrew told me everything. You should have called me, J. I would have been here sooner."

"I couldn't," Shepard cried, "I didn't know what to say… I watched the love of my life die, and I couldn't stop it!"

"It's alright, J. I'm here now," Ryan whispered as he continued to hold the broken teen. "Let's get you out of here."

" **NO!** I can't leave him here, Ryan," Shepard insisted as he sat back down next to his lover's grave.

"J, you can't stay here forever," the grey-eyed man said sternly. "Aaron's spirit is free, Baby Boy. He's with you no matter where you are. Staying here won't do anything except drive you crazy. We need to leave."

"No! I can't! I can feel him here, Ryan," Shepard explained with tears in his sapphire-blue eyes. "What if I can't feel him if I leave?"

"J, I promise you, you **will** feel him," Ryan tried his best to sway his stubborn friend. 

"You can't know that!" The young blonde yelled in frustration.

"Fine! You wanna be a stubborn ass, I can be one too," Ryan insisted. "If you insist on staying, then I'll stay too."

"I don't want you here, Walker! I just want to be with Aaron. So, just leave me the fuck alone. I won't be a problem for you no more." Shepard snapped as he watched his grey-eyed friend sit down beside him.

"J, I promised Aaron that I would watch over you," Ryan spoke softly, his voice cracking as he held back the tears, "And the way you're talking, it would break Aaron's heart."

"No, we'd be together again. That would make Aaron happy," the blue-eyed teen replied with an empty look on his face.

"No, Baby Boy, it wouldn't. Aaron loves you, J. He wouldn't want you to give up your life. If you do that, then Aaron will have died in vain. Is that what you want, J?" The grey-eyed boy asked, trying his best to get through to the young blonde.

"I don't know what to do!" Shepard admitted. "I feel like I'm drowning! I can't fucking breathe without him, Ryan. I just — I don't think I can live without him. I'm sorry, Walker."

"J, I know it's hard. I miss him too, but we have to go on. It's what Aaron would want," Ryan explained gently, "Years ago, out of the blue, Aaron told me that if anything ever happened, he wanted me to promise to take care of you. I promised I would, and I really don't want to break that promise. I could never live with myself if that happened."

Shepard contemplated on his friend's words. "You promise that I'll be able to feel him if we leave."

"I promise," Ryan smiled a sad smile as he rose to his feet, reaching a hand out to his beloved friend, "Let's get out of here before the rain sets in."

Shepard nodded as he reluctantly took his friend's hand. "Will you stay with me tonight, Ryan. I really don't want to be alone."

"You're stuck with me until next Saturday," Ryan smiled as he wiped the tears from his Baby Boy's eyes.

"Thanks, Walker," Shepard mumbled as he let Ryan lead him to his car.

"Will your new parents be okay with me staying over?" The grey-eyed young man asked as he opened the car door for Shepard.

"They won't mind," Shepard assured his friend as he fastened his seat belt.

"I'm glad. They seem like nice people from what I've heard," Ryan said with a smile. 

"They are," the young blonde nodded as he leaned his head against the window.

"I'm looking forward to meeting them," Ryan said as he made his way to Shepard's house.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard and Ryan managed to make it to the Anderson household just before dark, stopping only to pick up some takeout for later.

Kahlee greeted her son at the door. "Welcome back, sweetheart. Who's your friend?"

"This is Ryan Walker. He's one of my oldest friends, and was Aaron's best friend and brother," Shepard explained quietly, "Ryan, this is my mom, Kahlee."

"Aaron's brother?" Kahlee questioned as she shook the grey-eyed man's hand. "I thought Aaron only had a sister."

"We're not biological brothers, we're more like spiritual brothers," Ryan explained with a smile. "I brought food for everyone. I've been trying to get Baby Boy to eat all day, but I haven't had any luck. I was hoping you guys could persuade him for me."

"I ain't hungry, Walker," Shepard replied as he rolled his eyes at his friend.

"Hungry or not, you are going to eat," Anderson called out from the living room as he made his way towards the door.

" _Sigh—_ Ryan, this is my dad, David Anderson," the young blonde said as he motioned towards his dad. "Dad, this is Ryan."

"I've heard great things about you, young man," Anderson grinned as he shook the grey-eyed man's hand. "Make yourself at home."

"Thanks," Ryan smiled as he followed Shepard further into the house.

"Hailey, we have company," Kahlee called out to her young daughter, "Ryan would like to meet you."

"Ryan with the pretty grey eyes," Hailey asked curiously.

"That's the one," Shepard called out as Hailey came running.

"This pretty little thing must be Miss. Hailey," Ryan grinned as he shook the tiny girl's hand. "Pleased to meet you, beautiful."

Hailey giggled as she continued to stare at the grey-eyed man. "You're pretty too."

"Why, thank you," Ryan said with a wink.

"Let's go to the kitchen and eat before the food gets cold. Thank you, Ryan, for bringing it," Kahlee said appreciatively.

"No problem. Would you like to sit next to me, Hailey?" Ryan asked as he offered his hand to the little girl.

"Yes," Hailey replied, simply, as she placed her tiny hand in his.

"Come on, Son. You have to eat something," Anderson insisted as he led his son to the kitchen.

Ryan spent the rest of the evening playing with Hailey and getting to know Shepard's family. Before he knew it, it was time for bed.

"We have a guest room if you'd like to use it, Ryan," Anderson offered.

"If it's alright, I'd rather stay with J tonight," Ryan said as he nodded in Shepard's direction.

"That's fine if that's what he wants," Anderson replied.

"It's what I want," Shepard assured his father, "I'd like to have Ryan close for a while."

"I understand, see you in the morning," Anderson nodded as he made his way to his bedroom. "Goodnight, Son. Ryan."

"Goodnight," both called out in unison as they made their way to Shepard's room.

**~~~☆~~~**

For the next week, Ryan stayed by his Baby Boy's side, making sure he was there whenever the young teen needed to talk. But time waits for no one, and it wouldn't be long before Ryan would have to leave.

"You have to go back this Saturday, huh," Shepard said as he made himself comfortable in Ryan's car.

"Yeah. I hate that I can't stay longer," Ryan said apologetically. 

"Were they pissed that you missed a few games?" Shepard asked nervously.

"I don't give a fuck if they were," Ryan laughed bitterly, "Aaron was my brother, and you two are my family. I was going to be here, no matter what they said. Luckily, they seemed to understand. So, no worries, Baby Boy. My place with the Knights is secure."

"That's good," Shepard smiled as he leaned his head against the window. "Where are we going today?"

"I'm going to get you drunk," the grey-eyed man stated simply.

Shepard looked at his friend like he had lost his mind. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously," Ryan said with a grin as he pulled out of the driveway. "You need something to occupy your mind for a few hours, and this is all I could think of."

"I don't think I should drink. It makes me wanna fuck," the blue-eyed teen admitted honestly.

Ryan laughed at his beloved friend, "I'm not taking you to a club, and I'd never take advantage of you, J. You have nothing to worry about, eh."

"Where are we going?" Shepard asked curiously.

"We're going to Dylan's place. He's agreed to let us stay the night, and drink all his alcohol in the process," Ryan explained.

"Is Dylan your boyfriend now?" The young blonde asked with a raised brow.

"Uh, not exactly," Ryan replied honestly. "I like him well enough, but I'm not sure that I love him. Know what I mean, J?"

"Yep," Shepard nodded, "That's the way I felt about Elliot."

"There's a name I haven't heard in years," Ryan grinned. 

"I haven't thought about him in a long time — I wonder whatever became of him?" The blue-eyed teen mused.

"Aaron hated that kid," Ryan laughed at the memory, "Then again, Aaron hated anyone that touched his J. Did I ever tell you, he punched me over you?"

"What?" Shepard asked in disbelief.

"Yep, he punched me square in the jaw," Ryan said as he rubbed his jaw at the memory. "He apologized immediately afterwards. He claimed it was a reflex. I guess it was."

"Why did he hit you? What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Ryan assured. "It was the day I told you guys I signed with the CHL, and that I was moving to Ontario. Aaron got mad-jealous over the kiss you gave me. I told him he wasn't being fair, and that if he didn't wise-up, I was going to take you. He punched me, thinking I was going to use you or something. I had to explain what I meant."

"What **did** you mean?" Shepard asked in amusement.

"I meant that I was going to make you mine," Ryan grinned with a wink. "That really lit a fire under him. I like to think I helped get him moving."

"You did, Ryan, and I thank you for it," Shepard smiled lovingly at his grey-eyed friend. "Being with Aaron was the happiest I've ever been."

"It was Aaron's happiest days too," Ryan said with a melancholic tone as he rubbed Shepard's hand, "He told me so himself."

"I'm glad," Shepard whispered as a tear escaped his sapphire eyes.

"We're here, Baby Boy," Ryan announced as he put the car in park.

"Lead the way, Walker," the young blonde insisted as they made their way to Dylan's apartment.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Dylan, you remember, Shepard," Ryan said with a smile. 

"Of course," Dylan smiled as he shook the teen's hand. "You are even more handsome than I remember."

"Thanks," Shepard said, softly, as he followed Ryan into the apartment.

"Make yourselves at home," Dylan insisted as he grabbed his coat from the closet. "The place is all yours until tomorrow. I have some business to attend to and won't be able to stay. Apologies."

"Thanks for this, Dylan," Ryan said as he kissed the older man quickly on the lips. 

"No problem, Ryan. Enjoy yourselves, eh," Dylan said as he waved goodbye to the two gentlemen before exiting the apartment.

"I guess it's just us, Baby Boy," Ryan said as he made his way to the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"

"I see your appetite hasn't changed," Shepard snickered at his friend.

"Nope. I still eat like a motherfucker," Ryan admitted. "I have a great metabolism."

"Same," the young blonde said as he stretched his arms over his head.

"You haven't been eating very much lately, though," Ryan reminded the blue-eyed blonde.

"I know… I just haven't been all that hungry," Shepard admitted.

"Well, you gotta eat something," Ryan instructed. "We are not drinking unless you eat something."

"Okay," Shepard agreed, sighing in defeat.

After finishing their meal, the two sat on the couch, drinking what was left of their beer.

"You know, we don't have to get drunk," Ryan said as he finished off his beer.

"I know," Shepard said as he leaned against his friend, laying his head on Ryan's shoulder.

"I don't think it's going to help, anyway," the grey-eyed man admitted, his voice cracking as he spoke. "Aaron is too unforgettable, eh, Baby Boy."

"Definitely," Shepard agreed with a tearful chuckle.

"Things will never be the same, now that there's only two of us," Ryan cried. "But we'll make it, J. We have to — for Aaron, you know."

"For Aaron," Shepard agreed through tears.

"I love you, Baby Boy," Ryan said as he hugged his friend tight. "You're all I got now."

"I love you too, Walker," Shepard cried as he finally broke down, crying together until there were no more tears left to shed.

The two woke the next morning, curled up side-by-side on the couch. 

"Is it morning already?" Ryan asked as he kissed Shepard on the top of the head.

"Looks like," the young blonde yawned as he spoke. "What time do you have to leave tomorrow?"

"I have to be at the airport by two," Ryan replied with a yawn as he stretched his arms out over his head. 

"What do you want to do today?" Shepard asked curiously.

"Well, since this is my last day in Vancouver for a while, and the last day I'll get to spend with you for a while… I wanna play some hockey," Ryan grinned, his heart feeling lighter when he noticed Shepard's grin.

"Hell, yes," Shepard replied with a genuine grin. "I just need to pick up my gear, and we'll go."

**~~~☆~~~**

The two spent the rest of the day on the ice, and while it felt awkward without Aaron by their side, they could definitely feel his spirit surrounding them. For Shepard, it had been the most peaceful day he'd had since Aaron's death. 

"That was fun, wasn't it, Baby Boy," Ryan asked with a wink.

"It was," Shepard admitted truthfully. "Hey, Walker?"

"Huh?" 

"Could you feel him? 'Cause I could feel him," Shepard replied quietly.

"Yeah, Baby Boy, I felt him," Ryan smiled as he kissed Shepard's forehead. "Ready to go home?"

"Yeah," Shepard mumbled as he followed his grey-eyed friend out of the building.

**~~~☆~~~**

**The next day—**

"Thank you all for your hospitality," Ryan said with a sincere smile, "I appreciate it."

"Nonsense. You're family now," Kahlee insisted as she hugged the young man goodbye.

"I appreciate that ma'am," Ryan grinned, "It means a lot."

"I'll miss you, Ryan," Hailey pouted as she kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll miss you too, Hailey," Ryan said as he kissed the little angel on the cheek. "Take care of 'Loco' for me."

"I will. Goodbye, Ryan."

"Have a good trip, son," Anderson said as he shook the grey-eyed young man's hand.

"Thanks. Love you guys," Ryan smiled as he waved goodbye to the family he had grown to love.

"We love you too. John is waiting outside," Kahlee explained, "He wanted to see you alone."

"I understand," Ryan said with a nod. "See you guys soon, eh."

"See you soon," the Andersons said in unison as Ryan left the house.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Hey, Baby Boy," Ryan called out, causing Shepard to turn his way. "Come here," the grey-eyed man insisted as he held his arms out towards the young blonde he loved so very much.

Shepard quickly accepted the hug, holding on just as tight as he was being held. "I love you, Walker."

"I love you too, Baby Boy," Ryan said as he kissed the blue-eyed teen on the forehead. "It's just the two of us now. So, you gotta promise me that you're gonna take care of yourself. 'Cause I don't think I can do this again. You call me if you need me. It doesn't matter what time, J. If you need me, I'll come running. I promise you, Baby Boy."

"I know… Good luck this season. I'm gonna miss you," Shepard whispered.

"I'm gonna miss you too, Baby Boy. More than you'll ever know," Ryan said as he hugged the young blonde tighter.

"Thank you, Ryan — for loving Aaron… and for loving me," Shepard said with a sincere smile before shocking Ryan with a kiss — a kiss very reminiscent of the one they shared the first time Ryan left Vancouver.

Ryan's heart swelled with melancholic sadness at the memory of that first kiss as he savoured the sweetness of this one.

"Thank you for that, Baby Boy," Ryan said as he kissed him gently one last time. "Can we make that a tradition for whenever I leave Vancouver?"

"Sure," Shepard chuckled, "It'll give you an incentive to visit more often."

"That it will," Ryan laughed as he hugged the blue-eyed beauty once more. "I love you, Baby Boy. Call or text me every day. I mean it, J. Every day."

"Every day. I understand, Ryan," Shepard promised with a grin. "I love you too, Walker. Be safe."

"Always, Baby Boy," Ryan said with a wink as he reluctantly got into his car. "Later, J. I'll see you again soon, eh."

"Real soon, yeah," Shepard called out as he watched his friend drive away. "I'll miss you, Walker."  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to add Ryan to the story after writing the prequel. I hope it fits the story. Thanks for reading! =)


	15. Try to Live Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Kaidan meet again...

It took the Andersons nearly three months to get their son out of the house. Until then, he spent all of his time in his room, using the punching bag, and, when he wasn't doing that, he was listening to music while wearing Aaron's hockey jersey.

They had finally talked their son into going out with Garrus and James, and even then, Shepard had only agreed because Hailey had begged, with tears in her eyes, to watch her Loco play hockey.

Shepard's alarm buzzed, telling him that it was time to get his ass out of bed. If not for that damned alarm, Shepard might never have gotten out of bed at all.

"Fuck!" Shepard groaned as he moved to turn the alarm off. "Good morning, Aaron," Shepard whispered as he brought his left hand up and kissed the silver ring Aaron had placed there. He knew it was strange, but he kissed that blessed ring every morning and every night. It was his link to Aaron, and he found peace in kissing that silver band. That was reason enough for Shepard to continue the ritual.

"You up, Loco?" Hailey yelled from outside his door.

"Yeah… I'm up," Shepard yelled back as he grabbed a pair of sweats, pulling them on before opening the door.

Hailey rushed into his arms, holding on as tight as she could. "Why do you always lock your door?"

"It's just a habit, Hailey," Shepard replied with a smile. "You ready to go, already?"

"Yep… But I don't have a jersey." The little girl pouted, looking up at her big brother.

"Well, I'll stop and get you one," Shepard promised, causing her face to light up. "What team do you like?"

"Your team!" Hailey replied with a bright smile.

Shepard laughed as he picked up his little sister. "Well, I guess I'll just get you a red and black one. What number do you want?"

"Seven, like yours and Aaron's." 

Shepard tensed at Hailey's words.

"Oh… Okay, we'll see what we can do about that." Shepard faked a smile as he put the tiny girl down. "I have to shower. I'll meet you in the living room, okay."

"Okay," Hailey agreed as she ran out of the room.

**~~~☆~~~**

"What do we say?" James asked nervously. "I mean, how do we handle it?"

"Just act normal. You know, treat him like we always do," Garrus answered. "And for the love of God, **DO** **NOT** mention Aaron… At all."

"Don’t mention Aaron. Okay, got it," James repeated as if studying for a test, "Act normal."

Garrus elbowed James and motioned for him to look up at the doors. Shepard was walking towards them, Hailey in hand, dressed in her new red and black jersey, high ponytail bouncing behind her.

"Yo, Loco, who's the little lady?" James smiled, winking as he looked down at Hailey.

"It's me… Hailey!" The five-year-old announced with authority.

"Hailey!? Have you gotten taller?" James asked as he moved to pat her on the head.

"Maybe," Hailey shrugged as she turned her attention to Garrus. "Hi, Scars."

"I see she likes Jimmy's nicknames," Garrus chuckled as he looked his friend over.

Shepard looked like hell. He had lost a few pounds, but the most unnerving thing Garrus noticed was Shepard's eyes — the once bright, piercing blue, now dull and dark, a sense of emptiness in them.

"How's it going, Shepard?" Garrus asked softly.

"It's going." Shepard nodded. "Hailey, have James take you to your seat, okay."

"Okay. I'll cheer really loud for you, Loco," Hailey promised as she blew her brother a kiss that he quickly returned.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Ready?" Garrus asked once they were all suited up.

"Let's do this," Shepard said in a cold, determined voice as he rolled his shoulders.

Shepard was brutal on the ice, playing like a demon. His aggression surprised Garrus and terrified his opponents. When all was said and done, Shepard's team won 10 to 1.

Once off the ice, Hailey ran and gave her brother a big hug. "You were so good! You won!"

"Thanks, Hailey," Shepard smiled a fake smile and passed her off to James. "I need to change."

"He was a beast out there today!" James exclaimed. "Not that he isn't always a beast, but today was just brutal."

"Yeah, I don't think he was all there today. I think he needs to unwind," Garrus suggested.

"Hell yeah!" James exclaimed, excited to go out and party. "There’s a hot new club we need to check out."

"I'll see if I can get him to go," Garrus stated as he made his way to the locker room.

**~~~☆~~~**

"You wanna go out tonight? Maybe go to that new club, Purgatory?" Garrus asked as he began stripping off his gear.

"I don't know. I've got Hailey with me…" Shepard answered, not really wanting to go anywhere.

"Come on, Shepard. We can always drop her off first," Garrus coaxed.

"Fine…" Shepard agreed with a sigh. "But you'll have to make it up to Hailey."

"Done. Jimmy and I will take her to the street fair." Garrus grinned.

"Don’t tell me, tell her," Shepard shrugged as he got up to leave the locker room.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Hey, Hailey. Ready to–" Shepard froze mid-sentence when he saw who Hailey was sitting with.

"Kaidan?" Shepard's surprise was evident in his voice.

"Hey, Shepard. James asked if I could watch her for a second. I think he headed to the washroom," Kaidan explained with a warm smile.

"Oh, thanks for watching her. I appreciate it," Shepard smiled shyly, unsure of what to say.

_ 'Finally! It's about time you started flirting again.'  _ The voice said as Shepard furrowed his brow.

"Hailey, we should go," Shepard told the small girl as he became increasingly distraught. "Now, Hailey!" Shepard said with more force than was necessary.

Kaidan's brow furrowed in confusion. Had he done something wrong? Did Shepard know that he liked him? Was he making Shepard uncomfortable?

"I'm sorry. If you'd rather someone else watch her, that's fine. I understand," Kaidan replied, hating to see those beautiful sapphire eyes so upset.

"What?" Shepard snapped. "No. No, Kaidan, that's not what I meant. I just — I need to go. Hailey, we need to go."

"Shepard! It's so nice to see you again," Liara greeted, a large smile on her face.

Shepard rolled his eyes. 'Just great…' "Hi, Liara. We were just leaving, right, Hailey?"

Hailey just shrugged.

"Tali is here too. I think she's gone to find Garrus." Liara smiled. "I think she likes him."

"That's nice," Shepard replied, pretending to care.

"Where's Aaron?" Liara asked casually, causing Shepard to visibly pale. 

"He's in heaven," Hailey answered innocently as Liara and Kaidan's eyes went wide in shock.

"Shepard, I'm so sorry… I didn't know," Liara apologized, her face red with embarrassment.

"It's fine," Shepard growled. "Hailey, I said, let's go. Now move!" Shepard's voice was loud and demanding, a frightening tone that caused Hailey to cry, and shrink back into Kaidan's chest.

"Fuck," Shepard whispered. "Hailey, c'mon, I'm sorry I yelled. Hailey? I just — I need to get out of here. Do you understand, Hailey? …I need to fucking go. I can't be here anymore."

Shepard dropped his gear and walked out of the building, leaving the stunned group behind.

**~~~☆~~~**

"I didn't know about Aaron," Liara apologized. "I would have never asked if I had known."

"It's not your fault, Liara. Neither of us knew," Kaidan assured her as he looked down at the tiny little girl in his arms. "Are you okay, Hailey?"

The little girl sniffed as she nodded her head. "I think so. Is Loco going to hurt himself?"

"What?" Kaidan asked, a cloud of confusion covering his face. "What do you mean, Hailey?"

"He hits things until he bleeds. He hurts himself when he's mad or sad," Hailey explained.

"Liara, can you watch her for a second?" Kaidan asked as he sat Hailey down beside her.

"Of course," Liara nodded as Kaidan made his way out the door to find Shepard.

**~~~☆~~~**

Kaidan found Shepard kicking the side of the building in a fit of rage.

"You're going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that," Kaidan informed the angry young man as he stopped to stand beside him.

"You have to feel something for it to hurt," Shepard replied, panting as he caught his breath.

"I understand why you're upset. Aaron meant a great deal to you, didn't he?" Kaidan’s voice was gentle to Shepard's ears, but it brought him no comfort.

Laughing bitterly, Shepard replied, "More than you could ever imagine."

Kaidan's heart clenched at the knowledge — Shepard had loved someone, and that someone had died. The pain he must be feeling, what he must be going through — it hurt Kaidan to even think about it.

"I don't think he'd want you to hurt yourself," Kaidan whispered.

Shepard kissed Aaron's ring as he thought about what Kaidan had said.

"No… He wouldn't," Shepard whispered as Kaidan grabbed the sides of his head, amber eyes staring directly into Shepard's blue ones.

"Are you going to be okay?" Kaidan asked, leaning close to Shepard.

Shepard found himself leaning closer to Kaidan, close enough to feel the warmth of Kaidan's breath.

_ 'What would Aaron think?' _

A familiar feminine voice boomed inside Shepard's head as he pulled away as if he were shot.

_ 'Oy, bitch! Shut the fuck up! This ain't none of your goddamn business,'  _ the voice growled at the unwelcome visitor.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to…" Kaidan apologized profusely. 

'You almost kissed Shepard! Why would you do that!? He just lost his best friend, you insensitive jackass!' Kaidan mentally scolded himself for his actions.

"It's… It's fine, really," Shepard answered him with a small smile. "I really need to get Hailey home. Do you think she's forgiven me?"

"Yeah… I don't think she was ever really mad at you, just frightened a bit," Kaidan replied, turning towards the entrance to the building. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine… really." Shepard nodded as he entered the building.   
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - Shepard, Garrus and James go to Purgatory. Thanks for reading...


	16. Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and James take Shepard to Purgatory, and Shepard might live to regret it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Underage drinking in this chapter...  
> *Non-explicit sexual content...  
> And... I think that's it...

**~~~☆~~~**

_'Cause I am my enemy_

_The water's up to the knee_

_I never wanted nothin' from you_

_Yes I do, yes I do_

_My engine's runnin' on dry_

_My head's so fucked up inside_

_Shut up_

_I know_

_I said so..._

**_-Excerpt from the song 'Water' by Breaking Benjamin-_ **

**~~~☆~~~**

The club was loud and raucous, just like James had promised. Shepard still wasn't sure if he liked the idea of being there yet, but the more he drank, the more he warmed to the notion.

James had made his way over to the bar, where he was doing his best to flirt with a pretty redhead and her blonde friend. From the way they were giggling and touching James, it must have been working.

Shepard looked to the booth in the back and noticed Garrus making out hot-and-heavy with a busty brunette, enjoying it immensely. Everyone was hooking up, everyone except Shepard — And it sucked.

"I miss Aaron," Shepard whispered to himself.

_'You know he ain't coming back. You need to let him go and move on with your life. It's depressing.'_

"Shut up…" Shepard growled, not wanting to hear the voice's opinion.

_'Fine, be that way. But you **NEED** to get laid. Seriously, you need it so fucking bad. You're getting into that mood again. You know, the one that Aaron always warned you about. You aren't feeling anything. If it keeps up, you're going to shut down, and when that happens, no one will be able to reach you, not even me.' _The voice in Shepard's head almost sounded genuinely concerned.

"I really must be drunk." Shepard laughed as he made his way to the corner of the bar.

_'What's so surprising? I care, you bastard! I live inside here too, you know. I kinda have to care. You need to hook up. Aaron's not here to help you anymore. He loves you — he wouldn't mind if you just got laid. It's not like love's involved. It's just sex. Aaron understood that. He always understood. Sex always brings you back to reality. If Aaron were still here, he would do anything to get you back. So why not?'_ The voice was beginning to make perfect sense to Shepard. 

_'Look over there… Those two guys have been eyeing you all night.'_

Shepard looked up to where the two men were dancing, both of them looking dead at him, licking their lips at the sight of him.

Shepard had to admit— they **were** attractive. One was pale with dark-black hair and hazel-green eyes. He was lean and well built, just a hair shorter than his companion. His companion seemed a bit older with olive skin, dark wavy hair, and warm chocolate-brown eyes. He was broader than the other man, more muscled overall. They were definitely Shepard's type.

_'Go — dance with them. Have fun. You fucking_ **_NEED_ ** _this!'_

"I fucking need this!" Shepard repeated as he made his way over to the two young men.

**~~~☆~~~**

About twenty minutes later, James caught sight of Shepard sandwiched between two men who were taking turns kissing and grinding against the younger man as if they were getting ready to fuck the blue-eyed beauty right there on the dance floor.

"Shit! Not cool, Loco," James whispered under his breath as he politely excused himself from the redhead's very friendly arms. "I'll be right back. I just gotta check in with my buddy."

**~~~☆~~~**

"Yo, Loco. You think you're about ready to get outta here?" James asked in a playful tone, hoping Shepard would give in and just leave the club with him and Garrus. "I'm about spent, so I'm ready to leave whenever you are."

"Fuck off, Vega," Shepard growled, kissing one of the men sloppily, moaning as the other ground against him.

"Seriously, Loco. You're drunk, and you're gonna regret this tomorrow." James lectured, hoping Shepard's senses would return.

"Leave me alone, Vega. Seriously. I need this," Shepard said in a tone that told James that he was not moving from his spot.

"Fine!" James said, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Maybe Garrus can talk some sense into you."

**~~~☆~~~**

"Garrus… Garrus, listen to me, man!" James yelled, causing Garrus to growl as he removed his lips from his 'date's' neck. 

"What the fuck do you want, Jimmy!?" Garrus asked, clearly upset at being so rudely interrupted.

"Loco's gone… well, loco." James explained, pointing in Shepard's direction.

"Is he drunk?" Garrus asked, concerned for his friend.

"I can't tell. I think so. That or he's flipped his shit. Maybe both. He's just— weird, man." James explained, "He's just not Loco, you know."

Garrus sighed heavily. "Sorry, sweetheart, but I have to take care of my dumbass friend before he gets himself into trouble."

**~~~☆~~~**

By the time Garrus made it up from the table, Shepard seemed to be leaving with the two men, without so much as a 'goodbye' to either he or James.

"Shepard, where the hell do you think you're going," Garrus scolded, looking his drunk friend right in the eye.

"We were just leaving. We're going to have some real fun." Shepard grinned as the two men laughed in agreement.

"I think we should go before you get into trouble," Garrus demanded.

"Fuck you, Garrus! I **WANT** this! I **NEED** this! So just leave me the fuck alone." Shepard sneered.

"Loco, you should really come with us," James begged in one last attempt at getting his friend to listen to reason.

"No! I fuck who I want — when I want — how I want!" Shepard hissed. "You don't like it, then fuck off!"

"Whatever! Let's go, Jimmy," Garrus snapped as he grabbed James by the shoulder.

"We're leaving!?" James asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Jimmy, we're leaving," Garrus sighed as he looked back one last time at his friend. "You'll regret it in the morning."

Shepard just rolled his hazy blue eyes and flipped them both off.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Why are we waiting out here, again?" James asked as Garrus tapped the wheel in boredom.

"To get the licence plate number in case that idiot ends up missing or dead," Garrus stated in a dead-serious tone.

"You think they'd kill him?" James asked in a concerned tone.

Garrus sighed heavily. "I don't know, Jimmy, but it never hurts to be cautious."

"What's taking them so long? They were on their way out before we were. Why'd they change their mind?" James asked in worry and frustration.

"Maybe they were afraid that Shepard would get cold feet, so they decided to liquor him up some more, just in case. You know, to make him more pliable for them," Garrus assumed.

"Sounds shady as all hell," James whispered in disgust.

"Yeah, well… nature of the beast sometimes." Garrus shrugged.

"There they are," James said, pointing at the club door.

Garrus honked the horn, trying to give Shepard one last chance to change his mind.

"Go home, Garrus," Shepard yelled as he got into the vehicle with the two strange men.

"That cannot end well," James said as he quickly took a few photos of the car and licence plate, as well as a few of its occupants.

"He'll regret it come morning," Garrus stated as he started the engine.

**~~~☆~~~**

The next morning Shepard woke feeling sore and confused. He sat up, suddenly realizing he was naked in the middle of two men on a very large bed.

_'I said, get laid, not 'act like a total whore'. Really, Shepard, you need to learn some control.'_

'What the fuck did I do?' 

_'You mean, who the fuck did you? Am I right!'_ The sound in his head was mocking him — it thought this was funny.

_'What — nothing… not even a snicker… No… too soon? My bad.'_

'You think this is funny?'

_'It’s fuckin' hilarious! You, my friend — may be a sex addict. Once you start, you don't stop until you're out of your goddamn mind. You are one crazy-ass motherfucker.'_

'What did I do…' Shepard put his hands on his head as he tried to remember the previous night. He vaguely remembered two sets of hands touching him, two tongues tasting him, and then he remembered— 'Shit.' Everything.

_'Yep, you did all that. You were so irresponsible — so very unlike you. You'll be lucky if you don’t get an STI from all this.'_

'Why didn't you try to stop me!?'

_'I_ **_DID_ ** _try to stop you. Hell, I even fucking **BEGGED**! _ _But you didn't hear a word I said. So don't go blaming me for your goddamn fuck up!'_

'I-I’m sorry,' Shepard actually apologized to the voice in his head. "I **AM** going crazy…" The blue-eyed teen whispered to himself.

Shepard felt sick to his stomach, but didn't dare throw up. 'How much did I drink last night?'

_'A whole fuckin' lot but we both know that's not why you're feeling sick.'_

'I know…'

"I'm a fucking moron," Shepard cursed himself as he moved to get up from the bed.

_'At least you admit it.'_

"Hey, sweet thing. Wanna go again," The man lying to his left, asked in a sleepy voice, his chocolate-brown eyes darkened with lust as he kissed the blue-eyed boy's neck.

"Fuck off! I’m leaving." Shepard snapped as he shrugged the man off.

"Now, that's no way to talk, after all the fun we had last night." The man grabbed Shepard's arm, forcefully.

Shepard immediately grabbed the arm and twisted it until it popped.

"Arg… My arm! What the fuck!? You psycho!" The man screamed in pain, waking his partner, lying just to Shepard's right.

"What’s going on?" The hazel-green-eyed man mumbled, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes.

"This fucker's crazy! He broke my fucking arm," The brown-eyed man screamed.

The hazel-green-eyed man quickly scrambled to get out of the bed, and Shepard followed right behind him.

"Where the fuck are my clothes?" Shepard growled.

"O-Over there," the uninjured man said, pointing frantically.

Shepard walked over and began to get dressed — finally realizing just how sore he really was.

"Fuck!" The troubled teen winced as he sat to put on his shoes.

"You were the one that liked it rough, man, not us." The hazel-green-eyed man said as he edged closer to the dresser.

Shepard's eyes flicked up, hyper-aware of his surroundings. "If you even think of trying to hit me with that vase, I will fucking end you."

The threat alone was enough to get the man to cower in a corner. Not another word was spoken as Shepard got up and walked out the door, leaving the two men behind in shock and fear.

**~~~☆~~~**

He walked for a couple of blocks until he realized he was just too fucking tired and sore to continue. Pulling out his phone, Shepard swallowed his pride and dialed Garrus' number — knowing his friend would be beyond pissed.

"Hello…" Garrus groaned, his voice still groggy from sleep.

"Garrus, it's me, Shepard."

"You're not dead?" Garrus mused. "Let me guess — you woke up regretting last night, and you need a ride."

"Fuck you! And **NO** , I'm not dead. And **YES** , I need a fucking ride," Shepard replied, agitated that he had to call Garrus for help.

"Where are you?" Garrus asked, already getting ready to go.

"Um… At Tim's across from the bank. You know, the one near the club we were at last night," Shepard explained.

"Stay there, and I'll be there soon. Maybe go in and get yourself a coffee, or maybe something to settle your stomach," Garrus instructed as he abruptly ended the call.

"Smug son of a bitch," Shepard whispered as he looked down at the silver ring on his finger, lifting it up to his lips — he kissed the ring very gently.

"Good morning, Aaron. I'm so sorry, but I fucked up again," Shepard whispered, guilt evident in his voice.

_'Well, look on the bright side — at least you got laid… multiple times…'_

"Shut the fuck up!" Shepard scolded aloud as he made his way into the store.

_'Haven't you ever heard of healing with laughter? I'm trying to help you!'_

"Fuck you and your help," Shepard mumbled as he ordered a coffee.

_'Fine… Have it your way,'_ the voice sighed as it fell silent.

**~~~☆~~~**

"So… Don't wanna say 'I told you so' but…" Garrus teased, trying hard to break the tension.

Shepard never said a word, he just looked out the window, like he was looking for a place to drown. The thing was, Shepard was already drowning — little by little, bit by bit.

"Were you safe at least," Garrus asked, concerned about his friend.

Shepard just shrugged.

"You don't **KNOW** if you used protection or not?" Garrus' concern had boiled over into anger and annoyance. "How could you not know!?"

"I don't think we did…" Shepard's voice was barely a whisper, "Sure feels like we didn't."

Garrus immediately pulled the car over. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

Shepard just shrugged and leaned his head against the window.

"You're not stupid, so explain to me why? Why would you do something so reckless?" Garrus lectured. "You could catch something that could kill you, you idiot."

"I'm already dead." Shepard's voice was a hollow whisper, and it chilled Garrus to the bone.

"Shepard, there are people who love you — who need you. I'm one of them." Garrus' voice was firm yet gentle as he spoke. "We hate seeing you like this. Aaron loved you so much. Don't you think it would destroy him if he ever saw you like this?"

"That's just it! Aaron can never see me again! He's gone, Garrus! He's gone, and it's all my fault! They wanted to kill **ME** , not Aaron, **ME**! I want to fix it, but he's gone, and I can't!" Shepard screamed, hitting the dashboard in frustration.

"Aaron loved you! Aaron died for you! And **THIS** is how you repay that love, that gift that he gave you." Garrus was exhausted, but he knew that Shepard needed to hear his words.

"This isn't a gift! A gift would be to see Aaron again, to be with him, to see him laugh, to hear him call me his J, to hold him, to feel him one more time — that is a fucking gift! This— this hollowness, this emptiness he left in me, this is a goddamn curse!" Shepard's face was wet with tears that he hadn't even realized he had shed.

Garrus could feel his heart sink. Shepard was so empty, so broken that Garrus didn't know if there was anything or anyone that could ever bring the real Shepard back.

"Shepard… I think you need help," Garrus suggested, desperately wanting to help his friend, "You need to talk to someone."

Shepard shook his head, "No… That's not happening."

_'They'll lock your crazy ass up… maybe for good this time.'_

"It doesn't have to be a professional. Kaidan is pretty good at stuff like this. You should talk to him," Garrus suggested, hoping Shepard would at least consider it.

"I can't… not with Kaidan." Shepard shook his head slowly, "Not with Kaidan."

"Why not? You seem to get along well enough." Garrus asked, confused by Shepard's reluctance.

"I can't… We— I just can't. It would feel like I was cheating on Aaron," Shepard whispered, chewing his bottom lip.

"Why would you feel like that?" Garrus asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

Shepard gave him a look that screamed, 'Are you really that stupid?'

"Oh… You and Kaidan…" Garrus stammered. "That could be a good thing, you know."

Shepard shook his head, "No, I can't cheat on Aaron."

"Shepard, Aaron is gone, and he isn't coming back. He'd want you to move on." Garrus encouraged his friend, hoping he would see the truth in those words.

"I'm not ready to let him go," Shepard admitted, kissing Aaron's ring once more.

"And you don't have to. Not yet, anyway," Garrus smiled, rubbing his friend's shoulder. "I still think Kaidan could help. You could at least try."

"I don't know," Shepard whined.

"Please… try, for all of us who love you," Garrus begged, using his best 'lost puppy' look.

"Fine… I'll try," Shepard finally agreed.

"Good. I'll arrange it so that you and Kaidan can talk privately. No one else needs to know." Garrus smiled, basking in his victory of the stubborn teen. "Now, I think I need to get you to the free clinic. You need to get checked out and tested. I need you healthy for the upcoming hockey season."

"Fuck you," Shepard cursed with a slight smile.

"There's the Shepard I know," Garrus grinned as he headed for the free clinic.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing about Shepard being reckless and not using a condom is to show just how lost he is. Always remember... be safe. :)  
> Thanks so much for reading.


	17. Kaidan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Kaidan bond, and kind of go out on an impromptu date, although neither would ever admit it was a date...

As expected, Shepard chickened out of meeting Kaidan one-on-one. Unfortunately for Shepard, and much to Garrus' delight, Garrus just began to invite Kaidan out with them wherever they went.

"I hate you," Shepard pouted, pulling his helmet off as he got off his motorcycle.

Garrus chuckled as he got out of his car. "Oh, believe me, I know."

Shepard rolled his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I hope he doesn't show. Then you won't be so damn smug."

"Oh, he'll be here," Garrus assured him. "I think he's got a little crush on you. Odd, considering he's straight."

"He's not straight… Trust me. If anything, he's bi." Shepard stated, matter-of-factly.

"Why do you say that?" Garrus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Straight guys will do a hell of a lot with a gay guy, but they absolutely will not kiss a gay guy, unless they're in the middle of some hardcore fucking. Freaks them out otherwise," Shepard explained. 

"You and Kaidan kissed!?" Garrus asked in shock.

"What? No — No, why would you…" Shepard sighed hard. "We  **ALMOST** kissed. But he leaned in first — so, he's bi. Understand?"

Garrus shook his head slowly, "No, I really don't."

"Not important. Let's just go, please," Shepard said, making his way to the door of the restaurant.

"Wait up, Shepard," Garrus yelled, as he snapped back to reality and made his way to join his friend.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Oh, there's Shepard!" Liara smiled, a blush staining her freckled cheeks, as she waved in their direction.

Shepard rolled his eyes and whined, "Why is she here?"

"What? You don't like Liara?" Garrus shrugged innocently.

"Not the way she'd like me to," Shepard replied.

"Oh, I had no idea," Garrus laughed.

"You are such an asshole," Shepard whispered under his breath.

"Yo, Scars — I saved you a seat next to Tali," James called out with a wicked grin, causing Garrus to blush a deep shade of scarlet.

"Karma, bitch! Serves you right." Shepard smirked.

"Laugh it up, Shepard," Garrus whispered under his breath, before speaking out loud. "Kaidan, do you mind if Shepard sits next to you? He likes the aisle seat."

Shepard's face immediately turned pink. "I fuckin' hate you, Garrus Vakarian," Shepard whispered through a fake smile.

"Love you too." Garrus grinned as he slapped Shepard hard on the back.

"So, Garrus, when is your next hockey game?" Tali hummed in a nervous voice. "I really like watching you— I-I mean the team… I like watching the team play. Keelah, kill me now," She whispered under her breath.

"O-Oh… well, we had a game scheduled for this Thursday. Isn't that right, Shepard?" Garrus asked, trying to compose himself long enough to at least try to sound cool.

"Yep, that is what you said." Shepard nodded, bouncing his knee in nervousness.

"Yo, Loco, you ever think of going pro?" James asked, motioning for the waitress to refill his drink.

"Hn. I don't know. I'm not that good." Shepard shrugged.

"Oh, I think you're the best player I've ever seen." Liara grinned, reaching across the table, placing her hand atop his.

Shepard immediately pulled his hand away and placed it on his bouncing knee. "What position do I play?" Shepard asked, looking Liara dead in the eye.

"Excuse me?" Liara asked, unsure of the reasoning behind the question. "I don't understand."

"What— position— do— I— play?" Shepard asked slowly, eyes darkening with every passing second, causing the entire table to become uneasy.

"Maybe we should order now?" Kaidan suggested, trying to ease the tension.

Shepard held his hand up towards Kaidan. "No, I want her to answer."

Liara racked her brain, trying to think of a position, but soon realized that she knew nothing about hockey or sports in general. Unable to find the answer, she just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "A linesman…"

Shepard shook his head and laughed. "Eh — Wrong answer. A linesman ain't a position, Liara. He's the guy that makes sure that an offensive player doesn't enter the defensive zone before the puck does. He's like a referee, but he's the only one who can call icing and offsides."

"Shepard's a forward, Liara. He plays centre," Kaidan answered, causing Shepard to glance in his direction.

"That is correct." Shepard grinned, causing Kaidan to blush slightly.

Noticing Liara's embarrassed and crestfallen face, Shepard decided to explain why he asked her the question in the first place. "Liara, it's great that you want to support me, but it's not really helpful if you have no idea what you're talking about. I could be the worst centre ever, and you'd have no idea. To say that I'm the best at something is all good —  **IF** you know what you're actually talking about. But since you obviously don't, the praise, it just rings hollow. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Liara had tears in her eyes, but nodded in understanding. "Excuse me. I need to go to the ladies' room."

"I-I’ll go with you…" Tali offered as she followed her friend.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Loco, that was not cool, man," James scolded, shaking his head in disapproval as Garrus sat quietly, observing the situation in mild amusement.

"Sorry, but I hate that shit," Shepard said, running a hand through his hair.

"What? You hate receiving compliments?" Kaidan asked, brow furrowed. "She didn't mean any harm."

Shepard glanced at Kaidan, seeing the disapproval in his warm amber eyes. "Whatever." Shepard rose to leave, but Kaidan gently grabbed his hand.

"You should apologize," Kaidan suggested, amber eyes looking directly into Shepard's eyes of blue.

"Hell no," Shepard replied, frowning as he spoke.

"Don't be an ass," Kaidan replied firmly.

"Maybe I am an ass. Ever think about that?" Shepard's eyes were intense and unwavering.

Kaidan let go of Shepard's hand with a sigh. "Whatever. Sit your ass back down. You leaving will only make things worse."

Shepard's brow furrowed at Kaidan's words, chewing his bottom lip as he considered his next action.

_ 'He's feisty! We like feisty!'  _ The voice approved.

"Fine." Shepard sighed as he took his seat next to Kaidan. 

"You really should apologize." Garrus grinned as he pretended to look at the menu.

"Fuck off, Garrus," Shepard sneered as he resumed his knee bouncing.

"We're back!" Tali, exclaimed as she and Liara took their seats.

"Welcome back." Garrus grinned as he scooted just a little closer to Tali.

"Look, Liara, I apologize if I hurt your feelings," Shepard's voice was soft and sincere, causing Kaidan to smile softly at the blue-eyed boy. "I can be an ass."

"It's fine, Shepard. Really, it is. I understand your point of view. Really, I do." Liara smiled.

Shepard nodded then turned briefly to Kaidan. 'Happy?' Shepard mouthed as Kaidan nodded in approval.

Garrus noticed the exchange and couldn't help but grin. 'My plan is working.'

"So, what's all the juicy gossip?" Garrus asked with a sly smile.

"Yeah, what's up with you three?" James asked, motioning to Kaidan, Liara, and Tali. "Any hot dates happening lately?"

Tali blushed furiously. "I-I… No, not right now. What about you, Garrus?" Tali asked, unable to hide her embarrassment.

"Uh… N-no — not lately," Garrus stammered.

"Not unless you count random hook-ups," James snickered as Garrus punched the back of his head. "Ow!"

"Yeah, don't mind Jimmy. He lacks this thing called a brain." Garrus chuckled nervously, as Shepard rolled his eyes.

"What a pussy," Shepard laughed under his breath.

"What?" Kaidan whispered, leaning in towards Shepard.

"Garrus likes Tali, and Tali obviously likes Garrus, but he's too much of a pussy to ask her out," Shepard whispered into Kaidan’s ear.

Kaidan laughed a little, causing the entire group to go quiet and stare at the two of them.

Kaidan could just imagine how it must look, Shepard leaning in to whisper in his ear as he laughed at his words. It must have looked very intimate.

"What?" Kaidan asked, voice clear and unembarrassed.

"You two having a moment?" Garrus teased, causing Shepard to growl in frustration.

"Nope. Just telling Kaidan what a pussy you are," Shepard snapped.

"What?" Garrus asked, surprised by Shepard's words.

Shepard laughed, "Oh, come on, Garrus! Just ask her out already! I'll do it for you."

"Shepard, w-what are you doing?" Garrus' eyes were wide in shock and horror.

"Tali, will you, please, go out with this jackass, so he'll stop pining over you all the damn time?" Shepard asked with a fox-like grin.

Tali nearly choked on her pop. "Y-you want me to go out... with you?"

"Um… Well…" Garrus rubbed the back of his neck.

"Come on, Garrus! Don't puss out now," Shepard teased. "I already did all the work."

Garrus took a quick drink of his pop as if it were a shot of whisky. "Yes… Yes, Tali, I would like, very much, to go out with you."

Tali’s eyes went wide, then a huge grin crossed her face, "I don't know, Vakarian… You're not really my type."

Garrus immediately reached across the table and grabbed Shepard by the collar. "I'm going to kill you!"

Shepard just put his hands up in apology.

"Stop! Stop! Garrus, I'm just kidding! I'd love to go out with you!" Tali yelled, causing Garrus to freeze in his tracks.

"You would?" Garrus asked, eyes going wide.

"Yes, I would." Tali laughed.

Garrus quickly let go of Shepard and kissed Tali for all he was worth as James urged them on.

"About damn time," Shepard said, shaking his head.

Garrus and Tali eventually ended their kiss and composed themselves again.

"So… Shepard, d-do you have someone?" Liara asked shyly. "A girlfriend, maybe?"

Shepard's face fell, and his bright blue eyes grew sad. "Not anymore… He died."

The entire table grew silent as Shepard got up and made his way outside.

"I’ll go," Kaidan whispered as he got up to follow Shepard.

"Did he say 'he' died?" Tali whispered in shock. "So… Aaron was — Keelah…"

"Shepard is… gay? But, he can't be gay…" Liara's voice was full of confusion.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Shepard," Kaidan called out to his friend. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Shepard nodded, taking a deep breath. "At least she won't be flirting with me anymore," Shepard laughed a bitter laugh.

"Yeah… She can be pretty dense when it comes to stuff like that," Kaidan chuckled, a warm sound that made Shepard's stomach flutter.

"I noticed." Shepard grinned, leaning against the wall.

"You miss him a lot, don't you?" Kaidan asked, his voice warm and caring, so much like Aaron's.

Shepard kissed Aaron's ring before replying. "Every goddamn day."

"Tell me about him," Kaidan requested, leaning on the wall beside Shepard.

"Aaron was… perfect." Shepard's bright blue eyes glittered as he spoke, and Kaidan was almost jealous. "He was the nicest guy. I mean, he'd go out of his way to help people. And he really gave a damn, you know. You kinda remind me of him. You're a lot like that, you know." Kaidan's heart raced at Shepard's words. "A protector, you know. And he was funny — so goddamn funny. —Had a laugh that was absolutely contagious. And smart — so fucking smart! But he was lazy as fuck when it came to his classes. He was a damn good hockey player — put my ass to shame." Shepard smiled fondly at the thought. "He probably would have gone pro, but he fucked up his ankle during the last game of his senior year. He lost his scholarship, so he ended up going to a local community college — you know, 'cause he didn't have the best grades — lazy…" Shepard's smile was full of longing, and it broke Kaidan's heart. "He was going to be a mental health doctor, you know, so he could help me with my… issues. That was Aaron, though, always taking care of me. Been that way ever since I was six-years-old. It's a shame I couldn't protect him the one goddamn time he needed me to." A single tear slid down Shepard's cheek. "The thing I remember the most about him is his eyes. Aaron had the most incredible light-green eyes! They could always see right through me, and I could always tell his mood just by looking into his beautiful green eyes. God, how I miss those eyes." Shepard closed his eyes and laid his head back against the wall.

Seconds later, Shepard felt Kaidan's hand gently entwine with his own.

"He sounds like an amazing person." Kaidan smiled a gentle smile. "I can see why you love him so much."

"Yeah." Shepard nodded. "Thanks. I've never spoken about Aaron to anyone, not even Garrus. I've never wanted to."

"I'm glad you shared your thoughts with me," Kaidan whispered. "I enjoy talking with you."

Shepard smiled and glanced at the whisky-eyed boy standing beside him. "I like talking with you too."

Kaidan smiled brightly at the blue-eyed teen, happy that he was getting Shepard to talk to him.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Shepard asked, surprising Kaidan.

"Uh… Yeah, sure." Kaidan nodded, heart racing as Shepard took his hand and led him over to his parked motorcycle.

"You ever rode a bike before?" Shepard asked as he retrieved a second helmet for Kaidan.

"No, actually… I haven't," Kaidan nervously admitted.

"Just get on behind me, and hold on real tight to me," Shepard explained as they put on their helmets. "Understand?"

"Um— Yeah… Hold on tight. Got it," Kaidan replied, heart racing as he wrapped his arms around the blue-eyed beauty.

"Ready?" Shepard asked, revving the engine.

"Always," Kaidan answered with a nod as Shepard peeled out of the parking lot.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard pulled into the parking lot of a small restaurant overlooking the bay.

"You hungry? I kinda messed up your lunch earlier," Shepard asked as he removed his helmet.

"Yeah, I am actually." Kaidan smiled as he slowly got off the bike.

"We can eat here if you want. I'll pay," Shepard offered.

"That's okay, I can pay for mine," Kaidan replied with a smile.

"Nah, I got it, really. I owe you that much," Shepard insisted, taking Kaidan's hand and walking him towards the restaurant. "Want to get it to go? We can eat outside, overlooking the bay, you know. I like the sounds of the bay, yeah."

"Sounds good." Kaidan agreed, his heart beating out of his chest. 'What is going on? Is this like a date? Nah, it can't be. He just wants to talk, that's all. Then why does this feel so…'

"Right?" Shepard asked, shaking Kaidan from his thoughts.

"What?" Kaidan asked, shaking the fog from his head.

Shepard laughed a bit, and it went straight to Kaidan's head. "I said, everything's settled, right?"

"Oh, yeah. We can eat out here. I'd like that, actually." Kaidan grinned.

**~~~☆~~~**

Once they received their order — both settling on steak sandwiches, they made their way to the bench farthest from the restaurant, yet closest to the bay.

They ate in silence, only speaking once they had both finished their meal.

"Tell me something about you, Kaidan," Shepard requested, eyes focused on the bay.

"Hm. Something about me. What do you want to know?" Kaidan asked, glancing over at the beautiful young man at his side.

"Like, I don’t know… What's your favourite sport?" Shepard asked.

"Hockey, of course. I already know that's yours as well. But what's your favourite NHL team?" Kaidan asked, unable to stop grinning as he spoke.

"You'll fucking laugh at me..." Shepard chuckled, shaking his head. 

"Can't be any worse than mine." Kaidan assured him.

"Okay, we'll say it together, alright. On three, we'll both say our favourite team's name out loud — Deal," Shepard suggested with a lopsided grin, that Kaidan was quickly falling in love with.

"On three." Kaidan grinned. 

They counted aloud together. "One—Two—Three—"

"The Canucks," They shouted in unison.

They both broke out into uncontrollable laughter. 

"Seriously, even though they're the home team, they get a lot of crap for not winning the Stanley Cup," Shepard said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well, who cares about the Stanley Cup? It doesn't mean we don't have great players. And besides, how can you not root for the home team." Kaidan shrugged.

"Exactly," Shepard agreed. "I know it's cliché as hell to like the home team, but I seriously don't give a fuck. They're underdogs, and that's what I like about them. Sounds crazy, huh?"

"Not at all. I like that logic, actually," Kaidan smiled, as he chanced a look into Shepard's incredible sapphire eyes.

"Wanna see my Canucks tattoo," Shepard asked with a grin.

"You have a tattoo?" Kaidan asked in amusement.

"Several. Do you wanna see it or not?"

"Sure," Kaidan smiled as he watched the blue-eyed blonde slowly roll up his left sleeve.

"What do you think?" Shepard asked as Kaidan's fingers traced the letters.

"It's beautiful," Kaidan admitted as Shepard rolled his sleeve back down.

"Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. I like talking to you, Kaidan," Shepard said softly. "You're a great guy."

"So are you…" Kaidan whispered as he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Shepard's full ones. 

For a brief second, Shepard tensed at the contact, and Kaidan was afraid he would pull away. But instead of pulling back, Shepard simply returned the kiss.

It began as a chaste kiss, one that Kaidan quickly decided to deepen. With just a flick of Kaidan's tongue against his lips, Shepard slowly opened his mouth, before taking Kaidan's tongue into his mouth and sucking gently.

Kaidan saw sparks behind his eyes as he kissed the beautiful blue-eyed boy deeply and thoroughly — allowing his tongue to explore, slow and gentle, unable, and unwilling to pull away.

The kiss was long, passionate, and full of possibilities — Possibilities that both excited and terrified Shepard. 

Once the kiss was finally broken, Shepard started to panic—

'That shouldn't have happened!'

_ 'Why not? He's hot, and you know you want him. Aaron's gone, when are you going to let him go? It's pathetic, really.' _

'Shut up! I love Aaron! I don't want to let him go!'

_ 'This obsession with the dead — it's not healthy. You need to let him rest in peace. You're gonna end up going insane!' _

"I shouldn't have done that!" Shepard panicked as he paced back and forth, trying to calm himself down.

"Shepard, you didn't do anything wrong," Kaidan whispered, apologizing for his actions, "It was me… I kissed you. I'm sorry, I was out of line."

Shepard touched Kaidan's jaw gently, allowing his thumb to rub his cheek gently. "No… It's mine — it's mine for wanting you to."

Kaidan's eyes grew wide at the admission.

"I-I need to go…" Shepard said, unsure of what to do with himself.

"O-Of course, I can call Liara—" Shepard cut him off mid-sentence.

" **NO!** I brought you here. I'll take you home." Shepard insisted. 

"A-Alright. I guess we should head out now," Kaidan suggested as Shepard nodded and made his way to his parked bike, Kaidan following closely behind.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Thanks for giving me a ride home. I appreciate it," Kaidan said, unsure of what he should say. "I really had fun with you today, Shepard. I hope we can talk again sometime."

Shepard smiled a sad smile. "I had fun too, Kaidan. I really did. But — I should go. I'm sorry, Kaidan."

"It's okay… Be safe," Kaidan said as Shepard pulled out of the driveway.

"I really hope to see you again…" Kaidan whispered as he turned to make his way into the house.

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard couldn't sleep at all that night, tossing and turning as his soul was in turmoil. He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of Kaidan's lips on his, and the way his heart fluttered when Kaidan took his hand, and he thought to himself, 'This is good. This feels good. It's normal to feel this way— Right?' But—

'What about Aaron?'

_ 'Aaron's dead… He doesn't need your love anymore.' _

"No… I love Aaron! I haven't forgotten. I never will…" Shepard whispered as he kissed Aaron's ring. "I'll never forget you, baby."

_ 'What about Kaidan… Are you just going to forget about him? Talk about unfair! Playing with that poor kid's emotions. You kissed him, and now you're just gonna throw him away.' _

"I'm not playing with Kaidan! That kiss was a mistake — It meant nothing."

_ 'Then why the hell do you keep thinking about it?'  _ The voice laughed as Shepard lost his composure.

"Just shut the fuck up, and leave me the hell alone!" Shepard screamed as he struck the side of his head hard.

He screamed so loud that it sent both of his parents running to his bedroom door.

"John, are you okay?" Kahlee was the first to ask, followed by Anderson.

"Everything okay, Son?" Concern evident in his tone. "We heard you scream."

"I'm fine. Just a bad dream," Shepard yelled back. "Really, I'm good. Go back to bed."

His parents looked at each other for a second before sighing and returning to their own bedroom.

"It won't happen again," Shepard whispered.

_ 'What won't? The scream or the kiss?' _

"Neither," Shepard answered as he closed his piercing blue eyes.

_ 'We'll see…' _   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading...


	18. Guardian Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus, James and Shepard take Hailey to the fair... What could possibly go wrong?

"Hailey, let’s go!" Shepard yelled to his little sister, already annoyed that they were going to be late. "I'm leaving, with or without you."

"I'm here! I'm here!" The tiny angel came bouncing around the corner, pigtails bouncing, and pale-grey eyes glittering.

"Who the hell did that to your hair?" Shepard laughed.

"Mommy did it," Hailey pouted as she spoke. "Why, does it look bad?"

Shepard laughed as he yanked on one of the pigtails. "Nope, just makes you an easy target for mean little boys."

"If anyone picks on me, you'll beat them up, so it won't matter," Hailey smirked, crossing her arms in front of herself.

"Damn right, I will!" Shepard grinned as he opened the door to let Hailey out first.

"Are we taking your bike?" Hailey asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Now, you know, Mom and Dad won't allow that," Shepard said firmly.

"I wanted to ride the bike," Hailey huffed, an impressive pout on her face.

"Yeah, well, we're riding with James and Garrus," Shepard informed her just as James pulled in.

"Yo, Loco! Hey, Baby Girl!" James greeted as Hailey climbed into the back with her brother right behind her.

"Hey, Vega!" The little girl said, giving him a high five.

"You excited about the street fair, Hailey?" Garrus asked, knowing they owed the little girl this day.

"Yep!" Hailey beamed with excitement. "Vega promised to win me a toy."

"Lots of toys!" James corrected as he pulled out of the driveway.

"Is Kaidan coming?" Shepard asked quietly, playing with his phone.

"Kaidan's cute," Hailey announced out of the blue, causing Garrus to snicker and Shepard to glare.

"Hey! What about me, Baby Girl?" James asked, feigning hurt.

"Eh. You're okay," Hailey teased with a snarky grin.

"Damn! She's just like you, Loco." James laughed.

Shepard just shrugged and went back to playing with his phone.

"To answer your question, Shepard," Garrus chimed in, "No, he isn't. His parents have some kind of family thing, and they're making him go too."

_'Dammit! I was looking forward to seeing his fine ass — I know you were too, Johnny-boy! You can’t fool me! (Silence) What, no denial? No "I hate that fucking name" ... Nothing? Aw, you’re no fun!'_

Shepard didn't reply, he just put his phone away and stared out the window.

**~~~☆~~~**

Hailey had a ball at the fair — forcing all three boys to play every game on offer, even the ones made for small children — demanding that they win her a prize at every booth. 

"I want that, Loco!" Hailey squealed as she pointed to a keychain with a panda bear on it.

"You already have three bears and a stuffed tiger," Shepard informed her, shaking his head in amusement.

"I'm about to have two tigers," Hailey informed him, pointing towards James as he knocked the cans down with ease. "But… I **WANT** that!"

"Hailey, don't you have enough?" Garrus asked, grinning at the precocious little girl.

"Shut it, Scars!" Hailey scolded, putting her tiny hand up in his face. "This is between my big brother and me."

Shepard sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "Okay, Hailey. I'll try, but I don't think shooting is my thing. Maybe get Garrus to do it? He's like a paintball god, yeah."

Garrus grinned at the compliment.

"Nope. It has to be you!" Hailey insisted.

"Why does it 'have' to be me?" Shepard asked, cocking a brow at his troublesome little sister.

"Because I said so!" Hailey yelled, stomping her tiny foot.

"Fine!" Shepard sighed, giving in to the little angel just like he always did.

As luck would have it, Shepard ended up being a pretty damn good shot, winning the prize in record time.

"Here you go, Hailey," Shepard grinned as he placed the keychain in the little girl's hand. "Happy now?"

"Oh, yes, Loco. Very happy!" The little girl squealed as she hugged her brother tightly in appreciation.

"Yo, Vega! You owe me five bucks!" Hailey yelled as she made her way over to James.

"What the hell was that about?" Garrus asked in wonder.

"Dunno." Shepard shrugged as he walked towards the two of them.

"Here you go, Hailey," James sighed as he handed her the five, "Five bucks, just like I said."

"Hailey, what's going on?" Shepard asked in a stern voice.

"We kinda had a bet," Hailey grinned, kicking at the sidewalk as she spoke.

"A bet?" Garrus asked, brow raised.

"Vega bet me that Loco couldn't shoot well enough to win me a prize," Hailey explained. "I told him that Loco could do anything."

_'I'm kinda impressed!'_

'Me, too…' Shepard smiled at his sister.

"Vega, you bet with a five-year-old?" Garrus grinned, shaking his head. "And you lost…"

"Yeah, laugh it up, Scars," James said as he picked Hailey up, and put her atop his broad shoulders. "Let's go eat!"

"Hell yeah!" Hailey squealed as Shepard shook his head.

"Language, Hailey, yeah," Shepard scolded.

"You gonna narc on me?" Hailey pouted.

"Narc on you? Vega, seriously, stop telling her stuff," Shepard whined, dreading what his parents would say if they ever heard Hailey talk like that.

"She remembers everything, Loco," James explained, "So, it's not really my fault."

"Uh-huh," Shepard said as they crossed the street.

" **STOP! STOP!** " Hailey yelled as they made it to the other side of the street.

"What? What?" James asked, stopping dead in his tracks.

"Loco, I lost my keychain!" Hailey cried, pointing at the trinket lying in the street.

"I'll get it, Hailey," Shepard assured her as he crossed the street.

Bending down, Shepard grabbed the small trinket, smiling as he palmed it.

The next thing he heard was the sound of someone screaming his name, along with the sound of tires screeching.

**_'SHEPARD, WATCH OUT, YOU DUMBASS—!'_ **

**~~~☆~~~**

The car never stopped, hitting Shepard hard just as he was standing, causing him to be thrown up and over the vehicle. He couldn't really focus much. He knew he was in pain, and he knew he was bleeding. He could taste the copper in his mouth, and feel it running down the side of his head. He tried to get up but only managed to turn over. He could hear the sound of his little sister crying, but couldn't quite tell where she was.

"H-Hailey…" Shepard called out weakly, trying his best to find her with his eyes. "Hailey — please be alright."

He could finally see her, her big grey eyes shining with tears as she called out his name.

"Loco… Loco, are you okay?" The little angel asked, her tiny body shaking in fear.

"You're okay… Yeah…" Shepard smiled, managing to grab her little hand to place the keychain into her tiny hand. 

The little girl looked down at the keychain and then to her big brother, and immediately collapsed against him, crying her eyes out.

"Shh, Hailey…" Shepard whispered, stroking her hair gently.

Shepard could hear James trying to soothe Hailey, and he was grateful to him. He didn't want Hailey to be alone. 

Seconds later, he saw Garrus standing over him.

"Ambulance is on the way, Shepard. Just hold on." Garrus' voice was shaky, and it scared Shepard to hear it.

He was starting to feel cold, and he had a hard time focusing.

 _'Are you dying? You better not be dying! Goddamn motherfucking car! This street was **CLOSED**! _ _Motherfucking bitch-ass driver!'_

"Am I dying…" Shepard whispered, reaching up towards Garrus. "Stay with Hailey…"

_'I think we're dying — Are we dying? Need to— focus— breathe— Can't really— focus—'_

Garrus grabbed Shepard's hand, but it went limp as soon as he did.

"Shepard! Shepard!" Garrus yelled as the ambulance arrived on the scene.

**~~~☆~~~**

The drive to the hospital was a short one, but it was a struggle to keep the blue-eyed teen alive. Every time they thought they had a good rhythm, it would begin to falter once again.

Once he was in the trauma bay, the rhythm finally failed—

"He's flatlining," The trauma surgeon screamed as they worked frantically to save the boy, but all Shepard could see was a white light…

**~~~☆~~~**

"Hey, J. Baby, wake up!" Aaron's voice echoed in Shepard's head as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Aaron…" Shepard's intense blue eyes fluttered open as he saw the most beautiful creature standing over him. "Aaron!"

Shepard bolted upright and hugged his lover tightly. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, baby," Aaron whispered, breathing in Shepard's scent, as Shepard breathed his.

Shepard pulled away just long enough to pull Aaron into a hungry kiss. A kiss that took their breath and left them wanting more, so much more.

"J, baby, what am I gonna do with you?" Aaron asked, breathless from their kiss. "You went and got yourself hurt, didn't you!?"

"It's okay. It doesn't matter, Aaron." Shepard smiled, pressing his forehead to Aaron's. "We're together. That's all that matters."

Aaron shook his head, pulling away from Shepard, cupping his face in his hands. "J, baby… Listen to me. You have to go back."

Shepard shook his head, frantically. "No! No, I don't want to go back!"

Aaron sighed, "It's not your time, J. You have to go back."

"I don't **WANT** to go back!" Shepard yelled.

"J, do you know how much it hurts me to watch you give up like that?" Aaron scolded, voice calm and clear, just as Shepard remembered.

"I'm not giving up! I just don't want to be there without you!" Shepard cried, hugging Aaron tighter.

"J, I'm gone. You have to let me go." Aaron smiled sadly as he gently stroked Shepard's dark-blonde hair. "It's not your time yet. You need to go back."

" **WHY!?** " Shepard yelled. "Why should I go back!?"

"Because there are people who love you, J. People that need you," Aaron explained gently.

"There were people that loved and needed you too, Aaron! What about them!?" Shepard yelled, tears rolling down his face.

"It was **MY** time, J," Aaron cried, holding onto Shepard's face, trying to get him to understand. "It's not yours! You have so much left to do. My story was over, baby. But yours…"

Aaron sighed heavily, "You are meant to move on. You are meant to love again, J."

Shepard shook his head, not wanting to hear those words. "I just love you, Aaron. Only you. Please, Aaron…"

"J, it's okay to let yourself love again." Aaron smiled. "I **WANT** you to love again, baby. It hurts so much to see you suffer, all because of me. All because you won't let me go. I want to be something beautiful for you to remember, not what ended your life. Do you understand me, J?"

"You **ARE** something beautiful, Aaron! You're the most beautiful thing I've ever known. But I miss you so damn much!" Shepard pleaded, tears flowing like a river down his face.

"And I miss you. But it's time to move on, J." Aaron smiled. "I know you'll always love me. That love isn't diminished just because you have feelings for someone else."

Shepard froze, eyes going wide. "How did you…"

Aaron laughed warmly. "Oh, my beautiful, J. Have you been listening to me at all? I watch over you all the time, baby. I see everything."

"I'm sorry, Aaron… I'm so sorry," Shepard cried into Aaron’s shoulder.

"Shh, baby. Don't apologize. It's what I want. You have nothing to be sorry about, J. It's okay to feel for someone new."

"I just… I feel like I'm betraying you," Shepard whispered, trying to dry his eyes.

"You're not betraying me, baby," Aaron assured Shepard, kissing him gently on the nose, "But you are worrying me, J."

Shepard looked up with confusion in his intense blue eyes.

"You're drowning, J." Aaron shook his head in sadness. "All because you aren't breathing. You gotta breathe, J."

"I'm not sure I know how to anymore." Shepard laughed a bitter laugh.

"Our time is up, J," Aaron whispered as he kissed Shepard again.

"Not yet, Aaron… Just a little longer," Shepard whispered, pressing his forehead to Aaron's.

"I'm always there, J. Just call for me and, I swear, I'll be there," Aaron smiled as he took Shepard into his hands one last time, "I can't wait to see where your story leads. I look forward to seeing you in love again, J. I wanna see you happy like that again, baby."

"I'm scared… I don't wanna forget you," Shepard cried.

"J, baby, you'll never forget me. I'm in here," Aaron whispered, placing his hand on Shepard's heart. "Please, baby, don't ever fear falling in love. And please, don't ever be afraid to live."

"I-I’ll try, Aaron…" Shepard promised. "I love you, always."

Aaron kissed his blue-eyed lover one last time. "I love you too, baby. And, J… Remember… just breathe."

**~~~☆~~~**

**BEE———P**

"Clear!" The doctor yelled as he placed the paddles on the teen's chest.

**Beep— Beep— Beep—**

"Normal sinus rhythm. He's back." The doctor let out a relieved sigh. "Get him ready for CT. I'll inform the family of the situation." The doctor smiled as he checked Shepard's vitals one last time. "You have one hell of a guardian angel, kid."

If he only knew—

**~~~☆~~~**

Shepard woke up with his family by his side, a look of relief on their faces.

"Hey, sweetheart," Kahlee whispered as she rubbed his hand gently.

"Welcome back, Son," Anderson whispered, reaching out to rub his shoulder gently.

"I'm sorry I got you hurt, Loco," Hailey whispered with tears in her eyes.

Shepard swallowed hard, trying to find his words, throat sore from the breathing tube. "Not your fault," He whispered, moving his fingers towards her tiny hand.

Seeing what her big brother was doing, she wrapped her tiny hand around his fingers. "I love you, Loco."

"Love you too," Shepard whispered, "All of you."

"We love you too, Son," Anderson replied with tears in his eyes.

Just then, Shepard felt a gentle warmth upon the top of his other hand. Turning his head slightly to the left, his hazy blue eyes met honeyed-amber.

"Kaidan?" Shepard whispered.

"You scared the hell outta me. You know that, Shepard?" Kaidan whispered, tears in his eyes as he leaned down to kiss Shepard softly on the forehead.

"I'm sorry… I never meant to—" Shepard apologized.

"Shh… I know. I know…" Kaidan smiled as he stroked Shepard's dark-blonde hair gently.

"I… I saw Aaron," Shepard whispered, tears in his eyes.

Kaidan leaned down and hugged his beloved friend as the tears began to fall freely from his sad blue eyes.

"Shh… It's okay. You're okay… It's going to be okay," Kaidan promised. 

And Shepard wanted to believe — So he did—  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading... Only the epilogue and artwork to go...


	19. Epilogue:  Just Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story reaches its end...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final part of the story. Thanks to all of you that took the time to read it...

Throughout his recovery, Shepard had grown closer to Kaidan, telling him about how he had seen Aaron and how much it had hurt to let him go. Kaidan said nothing; he just pulled Shepard close and let him cry, all the while thanking Aaron for saving this amazing blue-eyed boy that he had grown to care so very much for.

Eventually, Kaidan and Shepard began dating. It seemed to be the natural progression of things — like it was meant to be. Kaidan had given Shepard all the time that was needed for him to be comfortable in the relationship, just as Shepard had given Kaidan time to accept all his flaws and mental issues.

The voice was still there, living in Shepard's head. Deep down, Shepard knew he would always be there — just one part of the whole, and Shepard was okay with that. Slowly, Kaidan had accepted it as well, becoming adept at handling Shepard and all of his baggage, much like Aaron had for all the years that Shepard was blessed to have known him. As a result, Kaidan had become a bright spot in Shepard's life, and Shepard was forever grateful for his presence.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Shepard!" Kaidan called to his boyfriend as he was making his way to the locker room. 

Shepard's smile was wide as he made his way over to Kaidan.

_ 'He's looking fine as hell today!' _

Shepard couldn't help but chuckle to himself, 'Kaidan always looks good.'

_ 'Hell yeah, he does! Not to brag, but we have got hella good taste! I mean, just look at that ass!' _

Shepard couldn't help but laugh aloud, nodding his head in agreement.

"Yeah, K," Shepard grinned as he stood in front of the one he had grown to adore.

"Did he say something funny?" Kaidan asked, obviously amused by Shepard's behaviour.

"Yeah, he was just reminding me of how unbelievably hot you are." Shepard laughed with a wink, "What can I say, when he's right, he's right."

Kaidan chuckled as he grasped his lover's hand.

"You nervous?" Kaidan asked, rubbing his boyfriend's hand as he spoke. "First game of the season."

"Maybe a little… Excited mostly." Shepard grinned. "The first goal is for you, yeah." Shepard winked.

"I'll be watching for it." Kaidan smiled as he leaned in to kiss his boyfriend. "Remember to breathe," Kaidan whispered as he kissed him once more.

"Always…" Shepard smiled as he made his way back to the locker room.

**~~~☆~~~**

"Ready for this, Shepard?" Garrus asked, slapping his shoulder lightly.

"Ready as I'll ever be." Shepard nodded as he put on his helmet.

"Let's do this." Garrus grinned as he made his way out of the locker room.

Shepard could hear the crowd outside. He could feel the adrenaline beginning to flow. Slowly he rose to his feet and made his way to the door. With his left glove in hand, Shepard stopped and brought his ungloved hand to his lips. Kissing Aaron's ring, he closed his eyes and listened to his heart—

'You got this, J… Just breathe.'

Smiling, Shepard took a deep breath—

'Just breathe…'

**~~~☆~~~**

**"Just Breathe"**

**By Pearl Jam**

Yes, I understand

That every life must end

As we sit alone

I know someday we must go

Yeah, I'm a lucky man

To count on both hands

The ones I love

Some folks just have one

Yeah, others they got none

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

Practised on our sins

Never gonna let me win

Under everything

Just another human being

I don't want to hurt

There's so much in this world

To make me believe

Stay with me

All I see

Did I say that I need you?

Did I say that I want you?

What if I did and I'm a fool you see

No one knows this more than me

'Cause I come clean

I wonder everyday

As I look upon your face

Everything you gave

And nothing you would take

Nothing you would take

Everything you gave

Did I say that I need you?

Did I say that I want you?

What if I did and I'm a fool you see

No one knows this more than me

I come clean

Nothing you would take

Everything you gave

Hold me till I die

Meet you on the other side

**Songwriters: Eddie Vedder**

**Just Breathe lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group**

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that's left is my subpar artwork. LOL.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	20. Artwork & Updates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My subpar artwork... I hope you like it.
> 
> This is where I will add any updates regarding the "Just Breathe" series.

This is where I will add any updates regarding the "Just Breathe" series. I am thinking of making it a trilogy with the final story revolving around the relationship between Shepard and Kaidan. It would most likely begin before the epilogue and extend well past it. I feel like their relationship should be explored more before I end this AU story.

_ **JOHN DEVON SHEPARD (16 YEARS)** _

_ **~~~☆~~~** _

_ **AARON ANDREW HAYES (20 YEARS)** _

_ **** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, as they say, is that. I hope you enjoyed it. I am eternally grateful to anyone and everyone that read this story. I hope I was able to bring you some enjoyment with my writing. God bless you all. Love you guys!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this revised version of "Just Breathe". This version is more aligned with the prequel and contains a new character, which appears in the prequel, as well as a new chapter. Thank you for reading!


End file.
